‘Where are you going to go?’
Nat didn’t have a clue. All she knew was she couldn’t stay here another minute. She felt like she was bleeding and it was sure as hell going to make a mess on Alessandro’s perfect white carpet. ‘I don’t know. Peyton’s maybe. A hotel.’ She shook her head. ‘Frankly, I don’t care. Just away. Far away from here.’
She headed across the room trying to skirt around him as much as possible but he was so damn big and he snagged her arm before she could make her escape. ‘Please,’ he murmured, his voice low, his gaze hot on her profile. ‘We need you.’
Once upon a time that would have worked. But she was tired of men needing her too much and not loving her enough. Now she knew the true depths of love – its power, its breadth – she knew she couldn’t settle for anything less.
Nat shook her head, refusing to look in his direction as he detained her on the spot. ‘No, you don’t. Not any more. You two are going to be just fine.’
The phone rang and they both looked at it, Nat suddenly becoming aware of the surroundings outside her immediate circle of misery. ‘You’d better get that,’ she murmured, pulling out of his grasp, her heart breaking into tiny little pieces as she turned away.
Alessandro ignored it, calling ‘Nathalie,’ as she walked out the door.
But Nat didn’t respond; she just kept going, the desire to run from him crippled by her overwhelming misery and the weight of her heart in her chest. But still, she took the stairs two at a time, determined to pack and get the hell out of Dodge as soon as possible.
Ignoring her belongings scattered around the room, Nat concentrated on getting her clothes only – she’d arrange to get the rest of her stuff at another time. Packing through tears blinding her progress and shaking hands was a chore, but she managed it surprisingly quickly. Or maybe that was just a sad indictment on how lightly she travelled through this world.
When Alessandro strode into her room fifteen minutes later she was just about done.
‘Stop packing,’ he commanded.
Refusing to even look at him, Nat gave a harsh laugh and a quick, ‘Go to hell.’
‘That was theIDdirector from St Auburn’s. The baby yesterday we screened for the swamp flu tested positive. As of now we’re both on seven days’ home quarantine. I’m afraid you’re going nowhere.’
17
The only person remotely pleased about their enforced confinement was Juliano. Having never had his father’s absolute attention for an extended period, he thought all his Christmases had come at once. He even suffered the daily nasal swabs that were couriered to and from the house with a cheerful disposition.
He was completely ignorant of the suddenly stilted atmosphere between Alessandro and Nat. He didn’t notice the strained politeness or the wary avoidance of any kind of physical contact. Not even the absence of laughter or easy conversation penetrated his happy little bubble.
But Nat was excruciatingly aware of it. It was a double loss. Not just the loss of what could have been but of what they’d already had. It had been a surprise to her to realise the feelings for Alessandro that had stealthily invaded her every cell were love, and a particularly cruel blow to discover it at the very second it was ripped out of reach. It had become crystal clear to her in that moment they’d never be able to return to what they’d had before.
Alessandro had tried to broach the subject again that next morning but she’d cut him off at the pass with a frosty, ‘Don’t’.
She didn’t want to hear any platitudes. She didn’t want to watch him tie himself into a verbal pretzel with pretty euphemisms. She didn’t want to know his justifications. The truth was he had hurt her way more than Rob’s or her father’s rejections ever had. At least they’d declared their outside interests from the beginning.
Alessandro had been utterly disingenuous.
After three days in home quarantine –house arrestas Nat had come to think of it – she was at screaming point. If she hadn’t been young, fit and healthy she might have begun to worry about the constant pain in her chest and the heaviness in her limbs. Her jaw ached from the continuous fake smile she wore and her eyes felt gritty from three nights of crying herself to sleep.
She despised the nightly ritual more than anything. But no amount of internal dialogue castigating Alessandro and his deception derailed the tears. Her mother would say they were healthy, that she was grieving and they were a painful and necessary part of the healing process, but Nat would have done anything to stop them.
She wished she could be more like Peyton, whose opinion of men since her husband’s desertion had always made her wince. Peyton wouldn’t have fallen for Alessandro. Peyton’s heart was guarded by barbed wire and thorny bushes a mile thick. Why hadn’t she done that to hers?
After her father? After Rob? Wrapped it up, protected it?
Why had she been lumbered with this damn eternal optimism? Because even now, despite everything, she wanted him. Every time he looked at her with those black eyes, things deep and low clenched hard. Every time he walked by, her nipples pebbled as if he’d brushed his hand across them.
Every time he opened his mouth, she wanted to kiss it.
Despite his soul-ravaging betrayal. Despite knowing he didn’t feel the same way about her. Despite knowing that every time he looked at her all he saw was his dear, darling Camilla. She was helpless against his pull.
Oh, she hated herself for it but that didn’t seem to matter either. Why? Why did love have no pride?
But mostly she was worried. About her willpower. If her belly lurched just at his nearness, how was she ever going to steel herself against him? How was she going to walk out the door? How strong would her resistance be by the end of seven days? Lord knew, it had been three days now since they’d shared a bed and, despite how angry she was, she wanted him on top of her and inside her with an almost crazy desperation.
What if he asked her to stay again? Would she sacrifice her integrity and stay? Like she’d stayed with Rob, hoping it would be different? Like she’d held out hope that her father would, one day, remember that he also had a daughter?
