“Thesourceof it doesn’t excuse it, though, right?”
“No, but it does reframe it and allow for understanding to take the place of retribution.”
“Like, it gives control to potential chaos?”
He smiled. “Indeed.” He gestured at the door. “Now, take your leave, head to class, continue your day. You do not need to attend to me now.”
He kept repeating that.
And while we’d been focused on this conversation, I realized it had distracted me—and him—from the current reality of what else was going on.
I saw it then.
His lips were trembling and he kept twisting them to hide it.
His fingers were clenching around the daggers.
And he kept blinking harshly—trying to fight back his emotion, maybe?
“Vaxan, I don’t—”
“I need to rest. To sleep, actually. The quicker I do that, the quicker I will heal.”
He was lying.
I could see the change in him already; the shriveling aspect had almost completely dissipated. He was fully cognizant. His grip around the daggers was sure and fierce—erotic too, but that was something to analyze another time.Jeez, what was it with him—and me?
But fighting against it was just upsetting him.
Also, all this talk of boundaries… he’d just been violated, so if I forced my presence here, remained here, wouldn’t that be another kind of violation? Like, against what he wanted?
“Okay,” I ended up saying. “Give me your phone first.”
“Why?”
“I’m gonna input my number. Just in case you need… whatever.”
He actually handed it over.
I took it and saved my number, then handed it back to him.
“Enjoy the rest of your day,” he uttered.
Hmm.
I forced myself to walk away and open the door.
I stepped outside, but didn’t close it.
Then being the chaotic shit that I was, I employed a quickauditory reductionspell and then peered inside, knowing with the spell up, his animal senses wouldn’t pick me up. The scent aspect would reach him, though, so I made it quick, looking back at him.
My gut twisted as I saw him crying, then trying to wipe away his tears by scrubbing his hand over his face.
Fuck.
I shut the door, dropped the spell, then erected a ward of my own to protect him until he was able to re-erect his own. His power was stronger than mine, so he’d be able to cut through it, meaning it wouldn’t actually trap him in there.
As I strode down the hallway, his worries about Winter’s caretaking shit ran through my head. Vaxan clearly needed comfort right now. And it needed to be from Winter. I was too abrasive, and there was a tension between us that hadn’t been fully dealt with. And also, Winter disarmed people. They didn’t feel like they needed to project infallibility and constant power in his presence. Me? I didn’t exactly come off that way.
