“Well done,” he said as he reached me.
“You didn’t need my walls really, did you?”
“I did. Just not for the reason you believed.”
“Those were tests of my control and ability to follow instructions in a chaotic situation like battle?”
“Among other things, yes.”
“You could’ve taken them all out in one shot, then?”
He lifted a shoulder.
“Wow. Forty and you could’ve put them down like nothing.”
“You’re not a member of Requital. You’re a civilian.Andyou’re my son’s love. I wouldn’t put you in danger.”
“But thinking it was real meant my reactions were, that the stakes were, that the pressure was?”
“Well, it was most certainly real.”
“Even so.”
He folded his arms across his chest and regarded me. “You were able to take my instructions and maintain absolute control of both your magic and your mental faculties through all of that. You also pulled back when you were torturing those vampires during your rescue of Vaxan after he urged you to. Why, then, do you think you can’t do that on your own, without orders or the influence of a steadying hand?”
I shrugged. “My Ifrit nature left untamed won’t allow it. It needs to be checked by others?”
“No. We’re not slaves to our natures, towhatwe are. By that reasoning, as an Ancient Vampire, Remnant should be a bloodlusting monster. Lazriel should be raging wildly all over the supernatural world. My son should be a bringer of death to everything and everyone around him. You see, there’s alsowhowe are. We define us. It’s not about taming our natures or repressing them, because that would steal our identities away. It’s about streamlining them, striking a balance between what and who we are.”
“How? I don’t always know where to find that balance, that line.”
“You allow that fear and rage of what happened to your parents to twist who you really are. Being Ifrit, fear and vulnerability easily morph to rage if you don’t recognize the source and catch it quickly.” He smiled sadly. “Your self-loathing also doesn’t help.”
Our eyes locked.
Oh no.
I could see him considering whether to speak to what he seemed to want to—or felt like he needed to.
And then he did. He said it.
“Dominance doesn’t always equal power and control. In the context you have trouble with, there are many who find freedom and power in the opposite.” He laid a hand on my shoulder. “There’s absolutely no fucking shame in that. I promise.” He let go, then told me, “Also, if you hadn’t had your walls up, you would have noticed that Winter isn’t of a rigid mindset where that’s concerned. It doesn’t need to be one or the other either, so keep that in mind.” He winced. “That’s all I’ll say or Winter will kill me. Already saying this much is bad enough.”
A laugh burst from me, despite all the heaviness—and the fact that my former lover’s dad was talking to me about fucking, about my sex with Winter at that. “Yeah, Win plays all that close to the vest.”
“Well, he’s much more reserved than I am when it comes to that.” He shook his head to himself. “He must’ve picked that up from Cassius.”
“I’m all for the brazen and brash, but Win won’t have it.” Evira would, though, and she liked it a hell of a lot.
Evira!
I hastily pulled my phone from my studded leather jacket pocket.
I was nearly half an hour late for our date!
“I need to go,” I told Sylas, unable to hide my panic now.
After all of that, and me doing such a great job, now I was freaking out in front of him.
