“The bastard could have made you severely ill. He could have even killed you. Who knows what else was in that meat?” Kien ground out, fury etched into his face. This was exactly why Eiri hadn’t wanted to tell him. He knew Kien would try to find a way to remove the threat, which would only make thingsworse.
“It’s alright, Kien. Syrus defended me, and he said he’s going to take care of it.”
The reassurance only hardened Kien’s expression even further. “Since when do you need a Vaetrean general to defend you?”
“I don’t!” Eiri was sorely tempted to stomp his foot in sheer frustration. “It’s the principle of it. I couldn’t start a fight with the man without it leading to a huge incident. I had to talk Syrus out of going back and causing a scene. As an ambassador, I’d have thought you’d be proud of me for handling the situation diplomatically.”
“As an ambassador, I am. As a Canjiri and the man tasked with protecting you, I’m considering throttling you for that behavior,” Kien said, his jaw still clenched tight. “If Syrus had done something to you yesterday, no one would have ever known. I didn’t even realize you’d left the palace until you returned. What would I have said to your mother if you’d disappeared? What would I say to Akari?”
Eiri flinched, looking away. Mentioning his sister was just fighting dirty, but it was effective. “I can take care of myself,” he murmured, the energy draining out of him. “I’m just exhausted, Kien. You said yourself that no one is coming to help me and I’ll never be allowed to leave, so I have to do whatever I can to protect myself.”
“Even if it means losing who you are?” Kien’s words were softer, too, the harsh edge gone. He stepped closer, resting his hand on Eiri’s shoulder.
“He said he didn’t want that to happen.” Even to himself, it sounded childish and naïve. “I’ll always be Canjiri, and I’m proud of that.”
“But?”
“But…” Eiri shook his head. “I don’t know. Maybe he’s just trying a new method to break me down, but I almost don’t care. I’m stuck here until one of us dies. There won’t be an annulment. It’s like you said earlier. I’m going to live the rest of my life in Vaetreas. One day, I’ll die here. Fighting and being on guard for just the time I’ve been here has been exhausting enough. I can’t do it forever. So, if it is a trick, so be it.”
A weighted silence fell over them. Kien’s grip on Eiri’s shoulder tightened, almost bordering on painful, before he abruptly let go and stepped back. He paced a few steps away, paused, then paced back, stopping in front of Eiri again.
“I don’t like this. I don’t trust him or anyone in this cesspit of a country. However… I can see your point,” he said. “It is not the decision I would have made for myself, but this is your life and your choice.”
That was hardly a vote of confidence, but it was better than nothing.
“Are you going to report to the council that we’re attempting to make peace?” he asked instead of pushing the point.
“Yes.”
At least Kien was being honest. “What if I asked you not to?”
“Unfortunately, my mission here as ambassador overrides your preferences. What happens between the two of you impacts the treaty and the actions of everyone around you. I have no choice but to tell them.” He didn’t sound very apologetic about it either.
“Fine. Can I at least ask you not to interfere unless I ask for your advice?”
“Only if you can promise me that you actually will come to me if something happens,” Kien countered. “I know you have lost some of your faith in me, but I only want what’s best for you. I can’t help you if you won’t let me.”
“I can do that,” Eiri said, nodding. “Syrus and I willcontinue to work things out between us, but if I feel like something is going wrong, I’ll talk to you first.”
“I suppose that’s all I can ask for.” Kien studied him for a moment, then simply turned and walked out, closing the door behind him.
Eiri followed in silence, locking the door behind him. Only then did he release his hold on all the anxiety and insecurity he’d been struggling to keep buried while Kien was in the room.
Whether he’d meant to or not, Kien’s accusations and quiet judgment had severely cracked the foundation of cautious trust Eiri and Syrus had built that morning. Every doubt, every second thought he’d had about making this work came flooding in, dousing the tiny ember of hope he’d allowed to spark to life within himself.
Kien was right. Even if he and Syrus made peace and their marriage wasn’t just in name only… what then? What plan could two princes, their cousin, and a raider come up with that would allow Eiri to retain his true identity without rousing the ire of the queen? They only had until tomorrow, after all. There was no way.
If Eiri fought it and clung to his grip on his heritage, how long would Syrus put up with the harsh words from his mother and the mockery of his peers before he turned on Eiri? Again?
No matter what they did or what crazy plan they concocted, Eiri would end up with the same options he’d had since the day he arrived in Lodie.
He could fight and earn the wrath of everyone, leaving him alone until he died.
He could surrender to the inevitable and pretend he was one of them, effectively destroying the very core of who he was, and still never gain their respect.
Or… he could run.
Eiri paced the length of the room,finally ending up back at the window. The dark ocean surged against the cliff-side below, the volatile waves fueled by the howling storm. With his magic, he would be safe traversing those waters. It wouldn’t be easy, though, and he didn’t know where he would go. He didn’t know if hecouldgo. If he ran, he’d never be able to see Akari again. He’d never be able to set foot on the island again without someone turning him in. He’d be labeled a coward, a deserter, or worse… dishonorable. Treacherous.
