“Her mom says she’s fine, just under permanent house arrest. Ran off with a boy, which was kind of what we’d been hoping.”
“That’s such a huge relief.” He slumped back against me. “Since you told me she went missing, I’ve been so scared that something would happen and her ghost would come to me. Honestly, that anticipation is worse than just being surprised by it. It reminds me too much of when I was little and Nina Martingale was missing.”
How had I not realized how triggering this situation could have been for Alex? In my desperation to find Rebecca, it’d never crossed my mind that the very first ghost Alex had ever seen had been Nina, another missing girl. Unlike Rebecca, Nina’s story ended in tragedy and had deeply traumatized a young Alex.
“I should have been here with you. I’m so sorry.”
Alex reached up, his hand resting lightly on my cheek. “Hey, it’s okay. Don’t keep apologizing. We’ll never get past this if we keep bringing it up to hurt ourselves and each other, right?”
“You’re right. That’s pretty damn wise, actually.” I couldn’t help a little chuckle, and he smiled sheepishly in return.
“After the asshole, I read some of the relationship books at the shop. It took me going through three before I really started to believe that I wasn’t the problem. I picked up some tips on the way and I wish I’d thought of them the other night. I shouldn’t have asked you to leave. We should have sat down and talked it out.”
“What’d you just say about using it to hurt ourselves?” I pressed a soft kiss to his forehead. “We were both worked up. Getting some space was probably a good idea in the long run. We needed to get our heads together.”
“No more going to sleep still mad at each other from now on, though, okay?”
“Okay,” I agreed. “And I know you hate asking for help, but whatever I can do to help you deal with this ability, I will.”
“I’ve actually been trying to work on that a little,” he admitted, and he seemed almost embarrassed about it. “Camille took me to that shop I told you about and the owner gave me some books and supplies to start with.”
“That’s great. How’s it been going?”
Alex shrugged the best he could while still laying on his side, curled up against me. “It’s still early. They have me working on clearing my mind right now. It still feels weird if I think about it too much, though.”
“How so?” I asked, looking down at him. “I remember you said you were hoping you could learn to control it.”
“And I want to,” he nodded. “I just didn’t think it would involve me sitting on the floor counting and holding a rock in my hands.”
I knew next to nothing about this stuff, only what I’d gleaned from our friends and brief web searches, so I was far from an expert on this, but it sounded like whoever Alex had talked to was.
“If it helps, it’s worth it, right?”
“Yeah, I guess.” He snuggled a little closer, which was no mean feat considering how close we already lay. “I guess I was hoping it’d be a fast process. Unrealistic, yeah, but a quick fix would have been great. I can sometimes get the ghosts to wait for awhile, until I can get space, so I was kind of hoping maybe I could figure out how to keep them corporeal longer, so I don’t have to stop my entire life the instant they appear.”
“I didn’t know you could get them to wait at all,” I said, surprised. Looking back, though, I really shouldn’t have been. I’d avoided asking questions about his ability because I knew he hated it and I didn’t want to upset him.
“It’s not much. I can usually get a few minutes before it gets bad, but for the most part, I pretty much have to drop everything and help them.”
Alarm bells went off in my head. “What do you mean by ‘it gets bad’?”
“It’s nothing malicious,” he said quickly, like he wanted to reassure me. “The spirits that have come to me have always been people who either didn’t think anyone would find them or, a few times, they didn’t want their family to find them first. That’s what happened with Mrs. Kostek.”
“I’d wondered why she was one that you’d called in.” The idea of them hurting Alex had me on edge, but I made myself wait. This was Alex’s story and his ability, so he could tell me at his own pace.
“She was afraid her son would come looking for her and find her there, I think. But in general, it’s usually people who are afraid they won’t be found at all. When they realize I can help them, I think they kind of latch onto me, as close as I can tell,” he said. “They’re scared and desperate. Once or twice I tried to ignore them, hoping they’d go away.”
“I’m guessing they didn’t.”
“That would be correct. I basically ended up being haunted. I didn’t know this until Charlie told me, but apparently ghosts draw energy from me to stay in this world, so the longer they were there, the more they pulled. The first thing I noticed is that I was colder than usual. Not nearly as bad as you saw, though. Probably because they weren’t pulling as hard as…” he hesitated, Andre’s name sticking in his throat. He’d admitted before that, even after the months that had passed, it hurt to think about him.
I gently stroked his cheek, my thumb brushing his soft lips. “It’s okay. I know who you mean.”
He managed a weak smile. “Thanks. Um… yeah, so it wasn’t that bad, but it was annoying. I started getting really bad headaches, then migraines. It took me two days to realize that it had to be because of the ghost. As soon as I helped him and he passed on, my symptoms cleared up. However, I’m a stubborn brat sometimes and thought it was just an anomaly, so I did it again. Not my smartest move ever. Plus, Charlie called me stupid when he figured out I did it twice. So I’ve learned my limits and now I basically just drop everything and help them as soon as I can.”
“Which makes it hard to go about your day-to-day life.” No wonder he so desperately wanted to find a way to control it.
“Luckily, I own my own business and can close down for a bit if I need to. And it doesn’t happen that often. It’s a small town, so it’s rare that someone goes missing.”
