“Thirties. Blond hair. Short beard. Total dickhead. He thinks he’s a ladies’man.”
“Oh, great.” He’ll probably try to talk. That kind alwaysdoes.
“Are you sure you want to do this? The next person who catches you might choose to send you to jail rather than ask you to be hisgirlfriend.”
Oh, dear Adam. Girlfriend doesn’t even begin to cover what Tristan asked me tobe.
“Am I sure that I want to do this for you? Fuck no… but for Michaela?Absolutely.”
I love that little girl—my snuggle bug—to pieces. I would do anything for her. And Adam is wise for looking out for her future so early in her life. I want to help any way Ican.
“My shift starts in an hour. I need to getready.”
“All right. I’ll be there between nine andten.”
I’ll be playing blackjack well into the morning. I’m hungry but if I eat now, my stomach will look bloated in my dress. I won’t feel sexy, and I won’t be asconfident.
My dress choices are definitely more limited than they have been the last several months. I walked out of Tristan’s house with only the clothes on my back, my purse, laptop, iPad, and passport. I left everything he bought me behind. Except his collar. I’m still wearing it. I promised him that I would never remove it as long as I belonged to him and for the moment, I’m not sure where thatstands.
I step into an electric blue dress, one of Tristan’s favorite colors on me. It reminds me of the one I wore to the high-stakes poker game in Vegas. I think that’s probably why I’m choosing it for tonight. It reminds me ofhim.
I’m stepping into my heels when I hear the ping on myphone.
Tristan:I know that you need time and space. Giving that to you is killing me, but I needed to tell you tonight that I love you and I miss you. Home isn’t home anymore. I’m so fucking miserable without you, mon bien-aimé. I’m nothing without you by myside.
Shit. That may be the sweetest thing that any man has ever said to me. And so unlike my Dom. Sugary-sweet is foreign for him, but he’s very good atit.
He’s very good at it forme.
I don’t know how to reply to his text. To respond with something sweet in return feels like giving in and accepting what he did to me. I’m not in a place where I want to give in and forgive him for what he’sdone.
It was bad. Sobad.
I can’t pin down my feelings about what Tristan has done. The submissive inside me clings to his collar and what it means, for better or worse. I am his and his actions don’t change that. I still feel him branded on my heart and soul. What we share is indescribable, and our connection is beyondreason.
But then the strong woman who resides in me steps forward to have her say. Tristan deceived me. Made a life-altering decision for me, something that he promised he’d never do again. And then it took a whole month for him to admit it. I’d be a fool to ever place trust in himagain.
What if I’m pregnant? Then I’m connected to him for the rest of my life. If I can’t forgive him then our child never knows what it feels like to have two parents who are married and in love with one another. Neither of us had that, and it’s something that I would want for my child… as long as it was within a healthy relationship. Not one where Tristan manipulates me into getting what hewants.
Avery is my best friend, but she isn’t a submissive. I don’t feel like she is capable of offering the best advice for this situation. I’d really like to talk about it with anothersubmissive.
There’s Cat, but she’s Tristan’s close friend. She would probably be on his side and tell him the things we discuss. Maybe even try to persuade me into going back and forgiving him. I don’t needthat.
I’ve grown closer to Elizabeth. And I don’t think that she would side with Tristan because he employs her as my personal shopper. Plus, she’s married to her Dom and they have children. She would probably be my best option at this point because she understands the dynamics of a Dom also being yourspouse.
I look at Tristan’s text and decide to let my heart reply forme.
Emma Lia:I love you and I miss you, too. I wish that we didn’t have this wedge between us. Goodnight.
I have somewhere to be. I need the blackjack table to take my mind off of my problems with Tristan. I can’t fall into texting back and forth with him right now. And I don’t want to. He’s a distraction that I can’t afford right now. Plus, I need to get my bearings on my feelings before we talk about it again. And text messaging isn’t how I want to discuss ourproblems.
Tristan:Good night, mon bien-aimé.
* * *
Damn,it feels good to be at the blackjack table again. I get such a rush. But it’s only a close second when compared to the thrill that Tristan givesme.
Tristan. I thought that getting out to gamble would help me to forget about him for a little while, but no luck. This casino has only managed to have the oppositeeffect.
