She does make a good point except for one little detail. “Actually, I am shocked. He was determined to prevent a baby. I mean, look at the extreme measure he took so I wouldn’t get pregnant. I never fathomed that he would remove the IUD without tellingme.”
“From what you’ve told me, everything Tristan does isextreme.”
“That ain’t nolie.”
“Well, it sounds to me like you have to decide if what he has done is enough to end yourrelationship.”
I don’t want to live without him. “The thought of not being with Tristan wrecks me, but I’m not a woman who will allow a man to manipulateme.”
“Definitely not. So what’s it gonnabe?”
Staying with Tristan feels like giving in to a weakness. And I’m not weak. “I don’t know what I’m going todo.”
How can I stay with a man who would lie to and manipulateme?
But how can I walk away from the only man that I’ve everloved?
I don’tknow.
6
Tristan Broussard
Emma Lia is gone.She has leftme.
My biggest fear has come to pass, but what hurts the most is that it was entirely preventable. I did this. Me. My ruthless, selfish act is what has driven her away. I am my own worst fuckingenemy.
She left our house, driving toward Biloxi, and so did I. I understand that she doesn’t want to see or hear from me, and I’m going to respect her wishes, but I can’t bear the distance. I need to at least be near her even if we aren’ttogether.
Being in the same town, but apart, is brutal. I want to go to her so fucking badly. I would crawl on my hands and knees, begging for her forgiveness if that was what she wanted. But I know it’s not. My girl needs space and time to think about this dreadful, selfish thing I’ve done toher.
I told her in the beginning that I would violate her a hundred different ways before she walked away from this. Even I had no idea that I would be thisruthless.
The hotel kitchen staff brought dinner for two tonight with all of Emma Lia’s favorites. I understand the mistake; she’s been with me every time for the last several months whenever I have stayed overnight. But that didn’t stop my outburst at the staff member who delivered thefood.
There’s no fucking way I can eat. So tonight, my dinner will consist of whiskey. Lots ofwhiskey.
I lean back in my chair and stare out the window at the gulf. I recall all of the times that I’ve fucked Emma Lia against that window. I enjoyed it physically at the time, but I didn’t truly appreciate it the way that I should have. But I swear to God that if by some miracle she comes back to me, I will appreciate everything about her. Every. Little. Thing. Even her snoring and her habit of stealing thecovers.
I take out my laptop and try to work on the Vegas project, but it’s useless. I can’t concentrate and fuck, I’m not motivated. It’s impossible to care about making money when the only thing I truly love has walked out thedoor.
I take out my phone and flip through the pictures I have of Emma Lia on my phone. Some are selfies I took of us together, but my favorites are the ones of her alone—some with clothing, some without. A few are downright pornographic-looking. Nude or not, I love them all equally, but I think my favorite is one of her reading in the garden. I snuck that one while she was so engrossed byThe Thorn Birdsthat she didn’t hear me come out of the house. She was just sitting there in a tank top, shorts, no makeup, and sunglasses being her naturally beautifulself.
One whiskey. Two. Twelve. I drink glass after glass in an attempt to numb the ache in my heart. And enough that when I lie down and close my eyes tonight, I won’t see the pain in Emma Lia’s eyes when I confessed my sin toher.
My beautiful girl. The only girl in the world that I’ve ever bentfor.
I may have lost herforever.
7
Emma Lia James
My favorite Within Temptation song,the one called “Forgiven,” comes on as Adam shuffles the deck of cards. It’s a dark and melancholy song, much like mymood.
“This songsucks.”
“Shut up, assmonkey.”
