“True, but I’m not sure we’re his type.” Luke opens up his profile, and we’re met with a clip of a twunk I assume is Caleb being absolutely railed by a huge, hairy, bear of a man.
“Hey, you’ve got a little bit of a bear thing going on,” I argue, rubbing at his chest. “Or you would, if you weren’t so well-groomed.”
He cocks an eyebrow at me. “That’s why he’s in my DMs—he asked if I’d ever be willing to give the trimmers a break. Told him my man prefers me appropriately manscaped.”
“That’s right, I do.” I turn back to the screen and point to another picture that caught my eye: a handsome, muscularblond with piercing green eyes who looks like he stepped right out of an old Western film. I’m kind of digging it. He looks like he’s around Luke’s age, and there’s a kindness to his rugged features that looks easygoing and natural. “What about him?”
“Oh, that’s Rod Steele. And yes, thatishis real name, believe it or not.”
My eyes widen and my jaw drops, because no, I don’t believe it. “Wow, his parents must have really had it out for him. Have you worked with him before?”
“I haven’t, but I’ve met him a few times,” Luke muses. “Really nice guy. He’s been saying we should work together. He bounces between here and Chicago. I think his family is out there or something. According to his profile, he’ll be here in two weeks, though.”
“Is he someone you’d be comfortable doing a threesome with?”
Luke stares down at the photo of Rod, considering. “Yeah,” he finally says slowly. “I think he’d be okay.”
“You want to message him, or should I?” I try to put as much enthusiasm into the words as possible. Maybe if I’m into the idea, it will bring him around a little more, because I can tell he’s still not sold. But if we can do a few collabs like this together, maybe it will ease his mind and make the ones we do apart less daunting.
“I can do it,” he sighs, opening up the message thread between them.
Or maybe not. At least he has two weeks to get used to the idea.
I’ve showered, taken Aggie out to potty, fed her, and currently have breakfastnotburning on the stove…and I’m pretty sure Luke is still in bed. I glance at the clock as I’m checking the pan with the bacon sizzling, the scent making my stomach growl. Almost noon. We have a half hour before we have to be walking out the door, and I haven’t heard any movement at all from upstairs. I flip the eggs with an irritated huff and shake my head.
Luke has definitely not warmed up to the idea of this threesome. If anything, it’s the opposite, and I don’t understand why. He’s been moody and aloof for the past two weeks, and it’s like I can visibly see him retreating into his own mind. It makes me crazy. It makes me worry. It makes me want tofixit. But how can I help when he won’t even tell me why this is bothering him so much?
I’ve tried to bring it up casually, like just another event we have on the calendar, and I’ve tried to bring it up excitedly, like it’s something I’m really looking forward to doing with him. No matter what approach I take, he suddenly has to take Aggie out, or go to the gym, or take a shower. He’ll think of anything and everything to keep from just talking about his feelings, and I can’t understand it. The first rule we made about this whole situation was that we would communicate, and he’s been completely shut down. Even in the evenings when we’re watchingFriends, he barely snorts a laugh, even at the funniest parts. A far cry from the deep belly laughs that made tears spring to his eyes when we first started watching together.
For as frigid as he is during the day, he turns into this needy, insatiable animal at night. It’s like a switch flips as soon as we crawl into bed, and then it’s soft whimpers andplease baby’s and orgasms so powerful they’ve actually made him cry. We’ve filmed a couple of these heated nights, but when I’ve watched them back, they’re far too intimate to post to the world. Deeply emotional and exposing a side of Luke that I don’t think he would want anyone else to see. I’m not even sure if he wantsmeto see, but it’s like he becomes a whole different person as soon as we turn the light out.
I don’t know how to reconcile these two versions of Luke, neither of which is the same as the man I first met and quickly fell for. He’s obviously going through something that he isn’t ready to share, so I’ve tried to be patient and be whatever he needs…but I’d be lying if I said I haven’t been deeply worried. The level of submission he seeks between the sheets is a complete juxtaposition to the control freak who handles everything himself during the day, and I don’t know where I fit in all of it. Maybe I was naive to think that time to get used to the idea of this collab was all he needed.
But this has to run deeper than the collab, surely? If it were only that, we could just call it off, and everything would go back to normal. I just don’t know what else could be going on in that beautiful head of his because he won’ttellme anything.
Sighing in defeat, I turn the stove off and make us each a plate. A scrap of bacon falls to the floor, and Aggie has snapped it up before I can even blink. I grin and shake my head. This little girl has been a bright spot in the midst of this hurricane of emotion I’ve been weathering. She never fails to make me smile. “Ready to go wake Daddy?” I ask her. She’s right on my heels, hoping I’ll drop some more bacon.
“Luke?” I call, bumping the door open with my shoulder. “You up, babe?”
I’m met with an irritated grumble, and my heart sinks to my stomach. Guess he’s still pissed at me for last night.
I went to bed early so I’d be rested for today—I’m the one who’s going to be fucked by two guys marathon style, after all—and he stayed up downstairs for a while. I was still hovering in that limbo between awake and asleep when he climbed into bed and curled around me like a koala, all sweet kisses and soft pleas to fuck him. Disoriented, I told him no, that we both needed to get some sleep. I’m not sure what I said, exactly, so I don’t know if it was my specific words or the fact that I wouldn’t give him what he wanted, but he was almost desperate in a way I’ve never seen before. His dark eyes shone with tears in the low light, and the moment I tried to ask him what was upsetting him so much, he shut down completely, an emotionless mask passing over his face. He disentangled himself from me and rolled over without another word.
“Babe, we have to get going soon,” I remind him as gently as possible, setting his plate on the nightstand and taking a seat on my side of the bed next to his prone form. He’s on his back with his phone in one hand, scrolling mindlessly. Aggie hops onto the bed and settles into the empty space between his legs, and he barely notices.
“I know what time it is,” he snaps without looking up at me.
“Okay.” I try to keep my voice even, but I’m a little rattled. He’s never snapped at me like that before. I can’t even recall a single real argument we’ve had yet, and I’m not trying to start the first one today, of all days. “Well, I made breakfast. You should try and eat before you shower, at least.”
He has the decency to look properly chastened at that, turning away from me to eye the food on the nightstand. “Thanks,” he says finally, the edge gone from his voice now.
“Luke…we don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.” My voice is barely above a whisper, but he flinches as if I’ve just shouted at him.
“Yes, we do,” he grits out, but doesn’t elaborate.
I wish I could understand why this is so important to him; why he’s so insistent that we go through with something he clearly doesn’t like or want to do. But all I can do is take his word at face value, because I have no idea what emotions are brewing beneath the surface of this storm. “Okay,” I say again, standing. “I think I’m going to head over a little early. I can drop Aggie off on my way. That’ll give me plenty of time in case of traffic.”
“You and the fucking traffic,” Luke mutters under his breath, making my blood run cold. He’s never spoken to me like this before, and if I had any doubt that something was wrong, it’s been squashed with those five words. Something is seriously wrong with my boyfriend, and I don’t want to ignore it any longer, but I don’t have a choice. I have to focus on work today. I know once we get to Rod’s hotel, Luke will be the picture of professionalism. I just have to get through this day, and then we’re going to talk this out, whether he wants to or not.
