My time in this industry is already breathing down my neck like the grim reaper, and I’m not ready to roll over and let him take me yet. My entire adult life has been this job. It’s the one thing I’ve done for myself, and I can’t give it up. It’s all I’ve got, but I hate the idea of working with anyone but Riley just as much. It’s not just sex with him—it’s the intimacy I’ve neverfound with another person, the way I feel like I can trust him enough to let down my guard. I don’t have that with anyone else, and the idea of going back to sex as work is about as appealing as taking a bath with an alligator.
The idea of Riley working with anyone else is even worse. I don’t want to share him, but I know I can’t ask that of him. This is the job, and we both knew it when we met. And if those comments are any indication, his fans already think I’m holding him back.
I squeeze my eyes shut. I never should have looked at the fucking comments.
The lock on the front door clicks open. “Riley’s home,” I tell Jess. “I gotta go. Thanks for talking me off the ledge, boss.”
“That’s what I’m here for,” she assures me. “Let me know what you decide to do.”
“Was that Jess?” Riley asks, bending over to unclip the leash from Aggie’s collar. She immediately collapses into an impressive sploot on the cool wood floor as Riley picks up her water bowl and heads to the sink.
“Yeah, I had some business questions for her.” I try to keep my voice as even as possible, but I must not be very convincing because Riley shuts off the water and turns a sharp eye on me. He raises a brow, indicating for me to continue. I swallow hard, unsure of what to say next. “Subscriptions are down.”
Okay. Not pulling any punches, I guess.
Riley frowns. “Are they? I hadn’t noticed. It seems like people are liking our content, right?”
They’re liking you. I don’t say that out loud, though. It isn’t his fault that I’m yesterday’s news. “I think…” I wring my hands together and realize they’re trembling. “I think they want to see you with other people.”
Riley’s frown deepens, and I don’t like that at all. I’m not sure if he’s upset at that idea or upset with me, and neither is a morecomforting thought than the other. I’ve never been very good at reading people, but past experience tells me that it’s usually safe to assume that I’m the problem.
He’s eerily silent as he puts Aggie’s water bowl down and takes a seat on the couch. Brow still furrowed, he tilts his head to one side and studies me. “How do you feel about that?”
I gulp, wanting to look away, but his eyes are a seafoam green today, and just about as mesmerizing as the waves they take after. There’s no anger or disappointment in his gaze, though, only curiosity—maybe a hint of concern. I want to scream that I feel like I woke up this morning happy for the first time in my life, and the last thirty minutes and a handful of comments have ripped that away from me. I want to sob and tell him that I feel like my life is spiraling out of control, and that if he stays with me, I’ll only hurt his career. I want to shout that he’s mine and I don’t want to share him with anyone else, but if I don’t, I’ll destroymycareer as well as his. I want to go back to this morning when I woke up with him in my arms, and I watched him sleep and marveled at the way his body fits beside mine and wondered how on earth I got so goddamn lucky.
“I feel like part of the job is giving people what they want,” I say finally. I’m surprised my voice isn’t shaking, because I feel like my insides are going to vibrate so hard they become my outsides. The words taste like bile on my tongue, and I immediately want to swallow them back.
Riley nods thoughtfully. “Okay. You’ve been in this business a long time, and I trust you. If you think working with other people again is the best business decision for us both, then that’s what we’ll do.”
I blink rapidly. I should feel a sense of relief at that. That’s the easiest solution, right? I should be happy that he isn’t fighting me on it. But…maybe I was hoping he would talk me out of it. That he would hate the idea of sharing me as muchas I hate the idea of sharing him.It’s because he doesn’t feel as strongly about you as you do for him,a little voice whispers in the corners of my mind.
“I want to add a couple of rules to the ones we had before, though.” Riley’s voice is still calm and even, but for some reason, my anxiety spikes. “I don’t want either of us to do any collabs with anyone else here at home. I want to keep this our space.”
Something about him calling this “our space” settles me, and I nod in agreement.
“And this one is your call…” He hesitates for a moment, chewing on the inside of his cheek. “But I don’t want you to bottom for anyone else. And I don’t really want to top anyone else. I like that that’sourthing.”
Our space…our thing…I like that he’s still thinking about us in terms of “our” and not just individual careers. “Okay,” I agree quickly. That one is a no-brainer anyway, because I really don’t want to be that vulnerable with anyone else. “Is that all?”
He pauses again, as if debating, but then says, “Work is one thing, but I don’t want an open relationship. Outside of collabs, it’s just me and you, right?”
“Of course, baby,” I reassure him. “I don’t want anyone but you.”
He smiles at that. Not his brilliant, full grin that I love, but the dark little smirk that gets me hot under the collar. “Okay good. Because that ass ismine.” He widens his knees and leans back into the couch, giving me his bestcome hitherlook, and I’m powerless to resist him. Before I even make the conscious decision, my feet are carrying me toward the couch and I’m perched atop him, my knees on either side of his hips.
The way he looks up at me makes my heart stutter in my chest. His face is soft and his eyes are so full of adoration as they scan from my eyes down to my lips, where he reaches up and gently takes my chin between his thumb and forefinger andlowers my head to his for the softest, sweetest kiss. My bones feel as though they’ve turned to liquid as I sink into him, trying not to relax so much that I crush him beneath me. His lips move tenderly against mine, tongue peeking out to dance across my lower lip occasionally, but the kiss remains chaste. Pulling back, he slowly opens his eyes and ghosts his thumb across my jaw. “Hi,” he whispers, his breath puffing against my lips.
“Hi,” I breathe back, my cheeks flushing. Something about that simple word from him always makes me giddy. I shift my weight back onto my haunches a little. “Am I crushing you?”
“No,” he laughs, “I can take you, don’t worry.” As if to prove his point, he wraps his arms around my middle and pulls me toward him, resting his head on my chest. He breathes out a long, contented sigh.
“Ry?” My voice is small and high-pitched, and I cringe at how needy I sound.
“Yeah, babe?”
I swallow hard, feeling incredibly exposed all of a sudden. I bury my nose in his mess of wavy chestnut hair and breathe in the warm, calming scent of him. “Will I still be your favorite?” I mumble into his hair.
Riley pulls back and tips his head to look me in the eyes. I blink hard a couple of times, the direct eye contact in such an intimate moment both reassuring and unsettling at the same time. He cups my face in his warm palms and kisses me gently again before saying, “You willalwaysbe my favorite. Favorite to work with, favorite to hang out with, favorite to make love to, favorite to come home to. No one else even comes close.”
