I arrive at my place fifteen minutes later and go straight for the shower. I need to rinse off all these emotions with hot water. Maybe it will also clear my mind.
I wish.
Nothing works. Even when I was drinking to quiet them down it didn’t work. It’s like every person that left me has tattooed a piece of themselves on my mind. Each of them live there permanently.
I barely remember my parents, but I can recall with no problem how my grandparents acted after they died. They walked on eggshells around me for a few years. Afraid of anything that could send me into a spiral of grief. Therapy just wasn’t something people went to back then, and we never really talked about what happened. I think they didn’t want me to relive the trauma of losing them.
It was the same when Granny died. I just shut it all deep inside. Another tattoo on my mind, hidden from the outside.
And Adam? I was so out of it. Maybe I didn’t reveal that part to Pete, but I wasn’t lying about how I felt. I didn’t realize it was depression until I stopped drinking after I read the letter from my grandpa. I made a promise to myself that day to never drink another drop of alcohol again and to never let anyone else get in my head. There is no more space for another tattoo.
Laying in my bed, thoughts of Pete keep me from falling asleep. I wonder if it isn’t my mind I should be worried about but my heart. I never expected to meet someone like him. He’s a temptation for my darkness, a spark of light I didn’t see coming. I close my eyes and drift off with the images of him happy and dancing in my mind.
The sound of a text message startles me awake. I look at the screen, squinting my eyes at the bright light as I read.
Pete Cliffer: Are you home?
Pete Cliffer:I’m outside.
What the fuck?
Me:Outside where?
Pete Cliffer:I’m at your door.
What is he doing here? I get up as quickly as possible and run for the door only in my boxers, not bothering to put a shirt on. I yank it open and there he is.
“What are you doing here?” My heart races not only from rushing to the door but simply from seeing him here.
“I thought about what you said tonight.” He looks at me with a mix of emotions evident on his face. Is this the moment he realizes I’m a total fuck up? “I hate it.”
My breath gets caught in my lungs. I just stare back at him not knowing what to say. I was afraid of this moment. I wanted him to know why I am the way I am. And it was a risk. A risk that he would decide he doesn’t want to have anything to do with me.
“I hate that you don’t want this. That you don’t want me. And most importantly – I don’t fucking believe you.” He takes a step in my direction. I’m so surprised by his words that I don’t react at first when he stands on his toes to put his arms around my neck. I act on instinct, grabbing his ass and lifting him up. He immediately crosses his ankles around my lower back.
“Jellybean, what are you doing to me?” I ask and lean in to put my head in the crook of his neck and inhale his scent. It surrounds me every time I walk into the shop. “I love the way you smell,” I groan and lick his neck up to his earlobe. “It gets me hard every time I’m working in the open space.” I nibble at the soft flesh of his ear and he whimpers in my arms. His erection pokes my belly. “You shouldn’t have come here tonight.”
“Why?” He bares his neck for me, and I suck on the sensitive flesh with the sole purpose of leaving my mark there. He rocks his hips into me for more friction on his hard cock and moans. “I think it was the best decision I’ve made since I decided you’re mine.”
“Oh really?” I chuckle. “And what does it mean to be yours?”
“It means I can do this.” He leans in and kisses me deeply.
I don’t fight it. I’m tired of fighting this connection we have. I want this. The moment I make the decision, I’m all in. Our tongues explore, our hands grope. I love feeling him against me. The way he quivers at my touch, the way his thighs tighten around me like he wants to get closer to me than he already is. I push my pelvis up so my dick brushes his round ass.
“This is what you want?” I pant into his ear. I feel like I’m on the edge and could come any second.
He nods vigorously. “Yes. I’ve wanted this since Game Night.” He moans as I grip him tighter, trapping his dick between our bodies.
“I’m going to wreck that tight ass of yours.” I growl in his ear and squeeze those round globes.
“Yes, please.” He groans at my words, rolling his hips into mine, seeking out the friction of my hard cock against his. Even through my boxers and his jeans it feels incredible.
“Come on, Jellybean. Let’s go to bed.” I carry him wrapped around me like the little monkey that he is.
We enter my bedroom and he loosens his grip on me. I let him go so he can stand on his own feet. I miss the feeling of his body pressed against mine immediately. He pushes on my chest to back me up to the bed. I go willingly, stumbling down. He stares at me hungrily and grabs the hem of his shirt tugging it off. I watch as he loses his clothes. He takes his pants off and I sit up straight in my bed at the view in front of me.
“You like?” He brushes his fingers on the top of his lacy panties.
