“So, I don’t know what you like, but you need protein and carbs after sparring and then last night. You know the fallen stole animals from the mortal realm, right? This is basically like eggs and bacon. I’ve had bread in the mortal realm and ours is superior. I got butter and five kinds of jam because I don’t know what you like on your toast. Do you want coffee, milk, or juice?” Nero asked.
“Um.”
“Let him. It settles his Incubus after he’s been with someone,” Celix said.
“Coffee and I like it with flavored creamer if you have that here.”
Nero just beamed at me.
“I peeped in your fridge when we were at your house and saw that you had five different flavors, so I asked the servants to get some and try to match them with what we have here.”
“Oh, my Jesus, can I keep you?” I moaned.
Celix brought out an assortment of coffee creamers and yeah, they were pretty close to what I rotated at home. These demons were actually perfect, but then again, if someone took that much notice of my coffee habit and made it happen on a totally different plane of existence, then they were probably a keeper.
I dug into the food. It was nearly identical, but slightly different. The eggs were fluffy with cheese and some kind of herbs in it. The bacon had some kind of glaze on it and tasted amazing. Nero was right. The bread was better in Hell.
But then Kujo came stumbling in. He was hungover and crankier than usual. I was going to have to talk to Lucifer’s servants. They would have seen Kujo passed out drunk in the living room, but since they could feel I was in my bedroom getting railed instead of drunk, they didn’t make the hangover remedy.
I called everyone within earshot into the kitchen.
“Look, I get my father is a big deal down here, but the whole hierarchy is stupid. We need to be better to each other, even if it’s just in this house. If you see someone drunk off their ass, then help them. If I seeyoupiss drunk, I’ll get you to a room and tuck you in because I don’t know how to make that hangover potion. I’ll make sure you get it, though. Let’s look out for each other. Can someone make Kujo the potion? And while I’m asking, does anyone need anything? I’m not sure I’m in a position to grant it, but I’ll try.”
One of the demons set off to make the potion, and another shoved a woman forward. She bowed her head like she didn’t want to ask me whatever she wanted to ask. I inclined my head and told her it was okay.
“My son just got out of prison. All he did was fight back when an upper demon was messing with him, but it’s going to ruin his life.”
“Dude, Idespisebullies and making it illegal to stand up to them because of some weird ranking system is stupid. Find him a job here and give him a room. I’m not sure if I can change the system foralldemons, but I can help your son.”
They were thanking me and bowing like I did something other thannotbeing a shitty person. They shuffled off as another one brought the hangover potion to Kujo. Kujo was staring at me like I had two heads and they were having an argument whetherThe Empire Strikes Backwas a better sequel thanThe Godfather Part II.The answer was that you had to keep your genres separated, by the way.
“What?” I demanded.
“That was decent. The upper demons would have shunned that kid for having a backbone and the lower demons wouldn’t have given him a job because the demons with money would stop visiting their businesses if they saw him working there. They aren’t going to say a damned thing if the heir to Hell hired him.”
“I’m only a bitch to people who give me a reason to. You might want to marinate on that while you sip your potion.”
“And she’s back,” Kujo muttered.
“You’re drunk talking in your sleep, baby girl. You’re saying the same things and I think it’s important. What are you dreaming?”
“Nevercall me that,” Kujo snarled.
“Um, he doesn’t resemble a baby girl,” Celix said.
“No, but if I’m trying to enjoy a book and the stupid hot guy opens his mouth and says that, it’s like, an instant hate for him. Kujo is like the stupid hot guy who opens his mouth and says unlikable things. He keeps calling me princess, so now he’s baby girl.”
“If you weren’t Lucifer’s daughter, I’d drown you in the toilet.”
“Mm-hmm. Anyway, back to your dreams.”
“I’mnota seer. I just have fucked-up dreams. Cambions are never seers. Our demon blood is too diluted.”
“Cambions have never been seersbefore,”Celix corrected. “You called out numbers that sounded suspiciously like a pit ball score. I won four hundred dominions betting on the game.”
“Pit ball?” I asked.
“It’s like rugby on the mortal realm, but it’s played over the pits of Hell. You get knocked off the field, you’re going to have a shit time,” Nero grinned.
