We’dneversurprised anyone naked before. It was always some Cambion who was either crying because their magic hadjust shown up and they were scared or they were trying to figure out how to do it again because they thought it was cool. Demon powers usually showed up when emotions were high. What was this one going through?
She was glorious. I was trying not to stare when we got back to Hell, but she was naked and spitting mad. She made good on her threat and kicked Kujo right in the nuts. He fell to his knees, wheezing, and glared at her with murder in his eyes.
Kujo always complained he got attacked more than the rest of us, and maybe he was right, but he had it coming this time. She wasbeautifuland naked, but Nero was in incubus, and even he managed to avert his eyes. We were down to the wire because the human authorities were there, but he could have handled it better than bringing her here naked without telling her anything.
Her towel had been ripped away going through the portal, so she was naked again. I wanted to look, but didn’t. This was the holding area for Cambions, so there were toys here, but not a single piece of women’s clothing. She seemed like she was okay with her body, but if she didn’t like how you were looking at her, she’d let you know.
I ripped my shirt off and handed it to her. She pulled it over her head, and it fell past her knees because I was abigdemon. I could finally look at her. Long, white-blonde hair and big, blue eyes. Yeah, I could guess who her father was, but I didn’t knowhowhe was her father. I mean, I understood the mechanics, but it wasn’t possible.
“So, we should explain,” I said.
“I’m pretty sure I’m in my shower with a head injury, hallucinating all of this. Either that or I’m dead and this is Heaven for all the people who read or write monster fucker books.”
“Actually, you’re in Hell,” Nero beamed. “Welcome.”
She looked around. We weren’t in the fiery inferno torture part of Hell. We were in the residential part where all the demons lived. It wasnicehere. You only had to go to the bad parts if it was your job to torture souls. Kujo constantly bitched about having to fetch Cambion, but we could have hadthatjob.
Still, I wasn’t quite sure I’d break it to her like that.
“Well, that was the world’s shittiest, longest marketing campaign ever. Especially since I know your weakness is your balls now.”
Kujo growled at her. He’d been bitten and set on fire fetching Cambion kids, but his balls hadn’t been assaulted yet. He really should have let her get some clothes before whisking her off to Hell.
“Don’t you growl at me or I’ll kick you again.”
“You can certainly try!”
Kujo wasn’t going to do a damned thing. He didn’t hurt women or kids, and this particular woman was off limits.
She might just be the answer to fix all of Hell’s current problems.
Ilooked at the monsters. I guess not monsters, demons. I wasn’t religious. I was still pretty sure I had hit my head and was hallucinating all of this. I probably didn’t even explode the roof off my house. I probably just slipped in the shower and no one was coming for me. How embarrassing. I had plans to be Blanche Devereux in my old age and get some roommates and cheesecake.
“I don’t suppose any of you have any panties?”
The horned one with wings immediately started unbuckling his trousers like he was going to give me his boxers. The cat one put his hands on his shoulders and shook his head. The horned one nodded as if he got it and zipped his fly.
“So, anyway, I’m Sydney. You’ve seen my tits. Who are you?”
“I’m Nero, this is Celix, and you assaulted Kujo.”
I snorted.
“Stephen King also lied because you folded like a deck of cards as soon as your nuts got thumped.”
Kujo snarled and took a step towards me. It was probably stupid to poke tattooed demons and kick them in the balls, but none of this was real, so what was he going to do to me? Kujo didn’t evenlooklike a demon if Nero and Celix were what demons were supposed to look like.
“Are you hungry?” Celix asked.
“Sure. Hallucination calories don’t count. You aren’t serving me roasted Hell shit beetles, are you?”
“What’s a Hell shit beetle?” Nero asked, wrinkling his nose.
“Kujo, why don’t you go grab burgers and cool off?” Celix ordered.
Kujo stomped off, and I sat on a plush couch and finally noticed my surroundings. This room was full of toys, video game consoles, and a foosball table. What Kujo said about how I wasn’t supposed to be an adult was flashing warning signs in my mind.Clearly,I wasn’t hallucinating a monster fucker book becausewhat.the.fuck?
“So, you aren’t actually hallucinating and you really are in Hell. What do you know about your father?” Celix asked.
