Yeah, we’d had an unusual number of Cambions with fire magic lately. Their magic exploded and set something on fire. Then we showed up, and they tried to setmeon fire. The little bastards all looked alike, so I was guessing there was one particular demon responsible for all the brats.
He was probably young, and it was his first time out of Hell. Some of them went wild and acted like their kids wouldn’t be brought to them as soon as they started showing magical ability. I hoped this dipshit enjoyed caring for ten kids under the age of eight.
We stepped through to where the alarm was triggered, and we were cramped in a bathroom. It wasn’t a kid this time. Our Cambion was a fully grown, but stunning woman, which could only mean one thing. She also didn’t take well to having three demons in her bathroom.
She squirted her shampooright in my eye.
Iwas still standing in the shower, staring at the sky through the giant hole in my roof. What was that? My neighbor was the worst. She complained that kids didn’t play outside and were too attached to their screens and then constantly called the cops if she saw a kid playing outside. She called them on me a few times over what I was wearing because her husband liked to stare. She wasdefinitelycalling about this.
Before I could get out of the shower, because I didn’t know how I was going to explain this, but I definitely wasn’t doing it with my tits out, three men appeared in my bathroom.
One was deathly hot and covered in tattoos. The other two definitely weren’t human. They appeared in my bathroom, but they looked shocked, and the hot one was definitely looking atmy tits, so I took care of that with the shampoo bottle because that was rude.
He swore and turned the sink on to rinse his eyes out. I looked at the one with horns and wings because he was at least trying to avert his eyes. So was the one who kind of resembled a giant black cat.
“You’re blocking my towel, and I’d say we have about ten minutes before the cops show up. Even if my neighbor weren’t a cunt,anyonewould call the cops after that explosion. Which was already bizarre without the three of you showing up.”
The cat man handed me the towel, but didn’t look at me. The tattooed one was still cursing up a storm by the sink.
“You…haven’t attacked us,” the cat man said.
“Oh, really?” the tattooed man spat as he furiously washed shampoo out of his eyes.
“You were staring!”
“You weren’t supposed to be an adult!”
“You typically creep on kids in the shower, big guy?”
“No!” he sputtered. “Someone, grab her.”
“Listen, you can try and I don’t know what you are, but I’m guessing kicking you in the nuts works.”
I knew I was right because they both shifted their hands in front of their crotches. Ha! Even monsters had balls.
“We can explain how you exploded the roof off of your house, but it’s not safe for you to stay here.”
“Just grab her. She’s violent.”
“It was just a little shampoo. Suck it up.”
“Oh, fuck you. I was worried about biters.”
My hot flash was still raging. I couldseeheat waves coming off me. The cat man stepped forward.
“Look, you’re going to explode any minute. We’d usually take the time to explain, but this was big. You need to come with us.”
I was about to argue, but someone started pounding on the door. Yeah, the cops were here. I was still naked, and there were monsters in my bathroom. Was I hallucinating? Was I actually in the shower with a head injury? This couldn’t actually be real.
“Shit, we gotta go.”
The tattooed one lunged forward and grabbed me. He yanked me out of the shower, and then it was like I was spinning through space.
What.the.fuck?
This was all going completely ass-up. All our Cambion retrievals were kids. It was rare they were adults because it meant one thing. And that one thing hadn’t happened since long before I was born. Who did this? And we weren’t going to have some kid grateful to meet their dad. She wasn’t scared of us, and she wasn’t scared of Kujo, either. She was going to bemad.
We usually would have swooped in, pretended to be in costume, andexplainedeverything before we asked about taking the kid home to meet their dad. It was usually their dad, but sometimes, like in Kujo’s case, it was their mom.
