Thalia had come to understand something about her own feelings that she had not been willing to admit to fully until now.
Not only did Thalia care for the duke, but she loved him. And this love, doomed to be unreturned, slowly broke her apart. As the days wore on and the depression set in, she wondered often how she could possibly live this way for the rest of her life.
This cannot go on. To live in hope is one thing, but to have that hope taken and dashed into oblivion completely is another. Once, I was able to tell myself that Ronan would change his mind and that kept me going. Now… what is the point of going on when the end is sure to be as miserable as the present?
She drifted through the days like a ghost.
She was unable to concentrate. Her appetite left her. She could not sleep, and she was tired constantly. And every time she heard footsteps coming from within the castle, when she spied the duke’s shadow down the hall, her heart would catch in her throat, and she would feel fear and desperation and sadness all in one. Wondering… praying that he would come to her. Knowing that he would not. Resigned to a life of loneliness because she had made one stupid mistake.
Thalia spent days considering what she was going to do.
There was that part of her that wanted to speak to Ronan again. To make him see reason. But she knew that to be folly, as there was no reason to be seen. She had lied to him. She had betrayed him. She had done wrong, and there was no excuse to be made.
There was another part that tried to resign itself to this state of being that would be constant for the rest of her days. She and Olivia living in this castle, life going on, her daughter safe and looked after as she had always wanted.Is that not what matters the most?
And finally, there was that niggling voice in the back of her head, one that she heard the loudest whenever she pictured the duke and remembered how he made her feel. When she looked ahead, thinking how her life might be if she stayed here, she quickly realised it would be a most dreadful experience, and one she would not wish upon her worst enemy.
As long as she stayed here, she would not forget about the duke and her feelings would never leave her. And because of this, she had but only one real option to take.
It was thus five days after Ronan confronted her that Thalia came to a resounding decision. But before she could make it so, there was one person she needed to speak with. The one person who this would affect the most.
“Olivia, come here for a moment, please.” Thalia was sitting under a decrepit tree in the back garden, watching Olivia run about as she played at some game featuring imaginary heroes that only she knew the names of.
Olivia wore a delighted smile on her face, puffing heavily, her cheeks flushed red from all the running she was doing. “What?”
“Come here, please.” Thalia patted her lap and smiled.
Olivia was quick to rush across the garden and fall into her lap. “I almost won,” she cried joyously. “The dragon, I almost got him.”
Thalia laughed. “I saw. And quite frankly, the dragon did not stand a chance against you.”
“I will get him next time, you will see.”
Thalia nearly burst into tears. She had noticed since moving in with the duke how much her daughter had changed. She was happier than she had ever been. She was more expressive and playful and eager to enjoy each day. It had her reconsidering if what she meant to do was the right thing…
Only then, Thalia looked at the castle.
The sky above was strangled in dark storm clouds. The castle itself was looming, as if it glared at them in warning. And she found the window which she knew to be Ronan’s office, was able to picture him in there, and wondered if he could hear them out here… whether he even cared.
This is not the easy thing to do, but the right thing.
“I have been thinking a little of late,” Thalia started, pulling Olivia into her and wrapping her arms about the little girl. “About my aunt, Isadora. You remember her, don’t you?”
“Of course!”
“Did you enjoy the time we spent there?”
“I did,” Olivia said earnestly. “She was funny.”
“She was, wasn’t she?” Thalia smiled at that, a tiny flicker of relief. “And she misses you dearly.”
“She does?”
“How could she not?” Thalia said. “She thinks the world of you, and I just know how much she would love to see you again.”
Olivia bit into her lower lip as she considered. “Are we… are we going to visit? Oh! She can come here! I know His Grace wouldn’t mind. I can ask him!”
Thalia winced. “You know how much His Grace likes his privacy, which is why I am thinking, that perhaps you and I should take a little trip. Would you like that? A little holiday, back to see Aunty Isadora.”
