In fact, she had been expecting this for some time. Hoping that she was the one who would reveal it, because at least then she might have been able to explain and not look as if she was hiding something.
But explain what? She had lied. She had done the wrong thing. Worse than that, she had tried to hide it because she knew that no explanation would suffice. And she had taken advantage of the duke, for how coldly he had treated her. Not her intention… but that hardly seemed to matter.
Thalia looked away with shame, hating herself beyond measure. “How did you find out?”
“So, it is true.”
“It is not that simple.”
“It is,” he said sharply. “Unless I am missing something? Am I?” he demanded, a snarl to his voice, anger seeping from his pores. “Am I missing something? Please, enlighten me, Thalia. Tell me how foolish I am—how wrong I am to doubt you.”
She winced. “I did not mean to trick you. I did not… it was not something I planned.”
“But you did it anyway,” he growled. “I was little more than a mark and when you saw your chance?—”
“No!” She snapped her head up and looked pleadingly at him. “That is not how it was. I… I… it is not that simple.”
“Please explain to me then, how is it? You have had plenty of time to do so, and that you haven’t tells me that it’s exactly what it looks like.”
She found her chin trembling. Her body shaking. She wanted to go to him, to take his arm, to plead with him so he would understand. But she could not do it. Partly out of fear, and partly because she knew there was no explanation that would suffice.
“I was out of options,” she explained pathetically. “Olivia… she needed someone to protect her. I needed someone who could protect her. I went to the ball that night to find a husband, never meaning to… to…”
“To trap me.”
“To do as I did,” she said desperately. “It just happened. In the moment, not thinking through the consequences. I saw my chance and I…” She looked away again. “I did what I thought I had to, to save my daughter. And I have hated myself every day for it.”
That was the truth as she knew it.
Thalia could not justify what she had done. And she did not mean to make excuses. But that she had done it for Olivia wassomething for which she would not apologize, even if it made it no more justifiable.
“You did not have to trap me.” His voice softened, and she heard a crack in it. “And you could have just asked. But you did not ask. You never even thought to.”
“Could I have?” she said, still looking away. “And what would you have said? Had I asked you then and there to be my husband to look after my daughter—who is not even my daughter through birth. What would you have said?”
He looked at her silently. Just his eyes, his body still shrouded in darkness. Thalia’s heart still thumped loudly. She tried to meet his silent gaze, wanting it to appear as if she believed her own words.
“Well?” she demanded as the silence stretched on.
“What would I have done?” He let that question sit between them for a moment longer. “I guess we’ll never know now, will we?” With those words spoken, he turned and walked away.
Thalia lurched forward when he left, sucking in a rattling breath because she had not taken one since he appeared in the doorway. She clutched at her chest, stumbling as the room around her turned. The moment she feared had finally come and it was even worse than she had imagined.
She wanted to go to him and explain further. Explain what? There was nothing else to be said, and that was what made it so hard. He was right to be angry with her, and she knew without having to ask that he would never forgive her.
Thalia looked at her sleeping daughter, trying to will herself to believe that despite it all, she would not change a thing.Another lie. Her daughter was safe, and for that she was grateful. But her relationship with the duke was finished, and try as she might, she could not imagine how that would ever change.
Twenty-Five
It wasn’t until one lost something for good that they were able to understand what it was that they had been missing.
When they first married, Ronan avoided Thalia for reasons she suspected to do with his own personal struggles. It was not because of how he felt about her, but because of how he felt about himself. And because of this, Thalia was certain that the time would come when he realized the mistake he was making and ask her to forgive him.
This state of living was no longer the case.
Now, Thalia knew that Ronan would never speak to her again. He wasn’t going to have a sudden epiphany and accept his feelings for her. He wasn’t going to move on from what had happened and accept her as a part of his life. He wasn’t going to fall for her as she had for him.
Ronan had removed himself from her life completely, and there was no going back.
