“Three professors? That sounds like a lot to take on in your first semester, Alis.” She sounds worried, but she shouldn’t.
“Just grading. No teaching. Besides, Martin is an online-only prof so my grading is more basic moderating. Belanger is on campus, but he only teaches three classes so it’s not anything I can’t handle.”
“He?” I close my eyes and clench my teeth.Why did I say that?!
I swallow. “Yeah. He. I’m just grading for him; it’s not like he’s my advisor or anything.” Crap. Now I sound defensive.
“I know, honey, but the main reason you chose Middle Peak was so that you’d work for a female professor. I just want to make sure you’re going to be okay with this new arrangement.”
I’m not a child, mother. I’ll be fine. Can’t say that to her, though.
“I’m fine, mom. Really. Dr. Belanger is a nice guy. He’s young, too. That caught me off guard. I was expecting some old, graying pretentious guy, but, nope.”
I hear clicking in the background before mom says, “Oh my. He’s beautiful.”
I huff, “I know, right?” Oh, shit. Now I’ve done it.
I can hear the smile in her response. “You think so, too. How old is he? Is he single?”
I let out an exasperated sigh. “Mom. Stop.”
“What? He is handsome. And you’re right, he’s young. You two would make the prettiest babies!”
“MOM! STOP IT.”
“You can’t really blame me for wanting more grandbabies. I won’tbe around forever, and I have so much more love to go around. Enough for a whole brood of grandbabies. Four? Five?”
Someone — anyone — save me from this conversation.
My silence lets her know I’m done talking about this. Thankfully, she takes the hint.
“Speaking of grandbabies, how is my darling Sunny? I miss her sweet face in our home every day.”
“She’s good, I think. Seems to be adjusting well at school and making some new friends. Everything is so different here, though. Not like home.”
“That’s definitely true, but what exactly do you mean by ‘different’?” Thankfully, she doesn’t sound worried, just inquisitive.
“Everything, really. We moved from a small town where the only strangers were tourists to a city with more people than we could ever meet. We live in an apartment instead of a house with a yard and nearly all her friends within walking distance. She spends so much more time inside than she used to, and I can’t really encourage her to go out and explore because I don’t know anyone in this complex. I can’t send my daughter to venture into the unknown without supervision. What if some creep snatches her? What if she gets into some other sort of trouble? What if she gets hurt and can’t find her way back to our apartment?”
“Alis, honey. You can ‘what if’ yourself into an early grave if you’re not careful. Take a deep breath.”
I close my eyes and do as she says. In, two, three, four. Out, two, three, four.
“I know, mom. It’s just, all so new. I feel like for the first time since Sunny became mine, I'm having to actuallyparenther by myself. You and dad have always been there to fall back on, and now you aren’t here.”
I can hear her smile beneath her next words. “We’re still here, honey. You can always call if you need us.”
Mom’s ability to talk me down from an anxiety attack is one of the many reasons I love her. Growing up, Mom and I weren’t very close.We didn’t argue or butt heads, we just didn’t have much in common. Still don’t, if I’m honest. Dad and I are very similar, whereas Belle was always more like our mom. They both have always been more social, outgoing, laissez faire. Dad and I are easily overwhelmed, overthink everything, and prefer the company of books rather than people.
Mom was always Dad’s safety blanket; Belle, mine. But then it all changed. Belle was gone, and I felt truly lost for the first time in my life. Sure, Tori and Skye helped keep me afloat in the wake of our loss, but Mom was my true life raft. My friends couldn’t pause their own lives to guide me through grief. Both of my friends returned to Ft. Ulysses to finish the semester the next week.
For the next few months Tori and Skye came home every weekend to spend with me. As the semester drew to a close, Chase’s patience wore thin, keeping Tori in Ft. Ulysses most weekends. The previous October Skye had committed to a year-long study abroad program that began in June, and before I knew it, I found myself waking on a Saturday morning without my friends to dictate the weekend’s activities.
Enter, Mom. The woman who was simultaneously grieving the loss of her firstborn child, guiding her husband out of his darkness, caring for her infant granddaughter, and keeping the Gilmore household running like a well-oiled machine. She had too much on her plate, but still found room for the emotionally-shattered twenty-two-year-old to find sanctuary with her.
“I know, but you’re nothere, here. If I hadn’t brought Skye with me, I would’ve already thrown in the towel and moved back home. If not for her, I would’ve already had a panic attack.”
“Have you talked to Dr. Wilkes since the big move?” Of course, she would bring up my therapist.
