Foster stands there. Hands in his pockets. Eyes on me. Looking contrite and hopeful.
My chest hurts instantly. Anger, relief, desire, fear. All the emotions drown me, overwhelm me.
“Lex,” I say, voice sharp. “Nice joke.”
Lex lifts the phone she’s recording with and points at our mics as though she’s proud of herself. “This is why I mic’d you.”
I take one step backward. Then another. Before turning and walking away.
Foster moves fast, catching up to me, his hand lightly cupping my elbow. “Callie.” His voice is soft, maybe softer than I’ve ever heard it. “Will you just walk with me?”
Tears come quick and hot, which pisses me off. I swipe at my face as if I can erase their existence. “I’m not doing this. I have an appointment.”
“I know.” He nods. “That’s why we’re walking to it.”
I can only stare at him. I’ve been starving to set my eyes on him all week, but now that he’s in front of me, it feels too overwhelming and painful.
“I’m not asking for forgiveness.” His voice goes rough. “I’m asking for you to listen. That’s it. You deserve to know everything. Then you can do whatever you want with it.”
The way he says deserve hits me in the soft spot I’ve been loathing lately.
I look at Lex. She’s watching us as though she’s holding her breath.
Traitor.
I look back at Foster and nod once. “To the doctor’s office.”
He nods too and exhales a long, deep breath. “Yeah. That’s what we planned.”
I shoot Lex a look that promises revenge. She just smiles as though I’m going to thank her later.
We start walking. I’m stiff at first, the ground feeling unsteady under my feet.
Foster doesn’t touch me again. He just matches my pace.
“When I was eleven, my parents decided to split Decker and me up,” he begins, and he tells the story he already told me, but it’s more for the listeners than me.
“After we moved, things intensified. My dad was always hard on me, but now that it was just the two of us, he was even more brutal. Baseball above all else. If I had a bad game, I’d hear about it for days. I was punished with lectures and cold shoulders, forced to practice until I’d corrected whatever he thought the problem was. If I had a great outing, he was all smiles. Would brag about my performance to anyone who would listen. About how his son was going to be a superstar someday. How he always knew I had it in me.”
We stop at a corner and wait for the light.
“It taught me that love was conditional. And when my mother abandoned me and left me with my dad, I knew I hadn’t met all the conditions.”
I glance at him. Foster’s jaw is tight, and he’s looking forward.
“As I grew up, the competition got better, got stronger, and I got good at being the version of myself people could handle. The version that didn’t need anything. The version that could take a hit and act like it didn’t hurt.”
His eyes flick to mine for half a second.
“But you changed that.” He’s so quiet that it feels as if I’m betraying him by recording this. “What I felt with you… Callie… it’s not something I know how to explain.”
My throat tightens again. I want to fold into him, but my brain revolts, reminding me of the pain he caused.
“And what I did…” He clears his throat. “Taking what you said to me… and then turning it around and making you feel like you imagined it all, like it didn’t mean anything… that was cruel.” He swallows.
“I’m sorry,” he says, eyes glossy with unshed tears. “I’m trying to do better. Not just because of the baby. But because I’d kick someone’s ass if they made you feel that way. And the fact that it was me who inflicted that pain on you makes me physically sick. I don’t want our child to ever think my love is conditional. And I don’t want you thinking you’re only worth what you can give.”
The light changes, and we cross.
