Most of the men here are a lot bigger than I am and it wouldn’t take very much at all for them to seriously hurt me.I’m talking about making the beatings from my uncle look as if they were done by a toddler.They all have muscles larger than I’ve ever seen before and most of the time they appear as if they’re seconds away from hurting anyone who looks at them wrong.Rationally, I know they aren’t really bad men and wouldn’t hurt me for any reason, but it doesn’t change the thoughts in my mind that circulate when they’re in the same room with me.All I see is them hurting me for no reason other than something they’ve made up in their own mind.For something I’ve supposedly done to wrong them or the club as a whole.The second anyone other than Kreed or Reckless enters the room, I freeze until they pass me and then I leave the room.
The only other person I’ve been able to stay around is a man named Viper.He shared with me his real name is Luca and he’s only been patched in for a short period of time.Luca told me his story one night when he found me in the common room cleaning.His stepdad and mother beat the hell out of him much like my aunt and uncle did to me.They used him for everything possible and treated him as if he were lower than the dirt they constantly tracked in the shack they lived in.The only reason he’s no longer with them is because the club pulled him out and gave him a place to live in the clubhouse.They have become his family and given him the confidence and safety he’s craved his entire life.Something I hope to have one day.He’s a nice guy and has done everything in his power to help Laurie and myself as we adjust to life now that we aren’t locked in a cage and treated worse than animals.
I still witness moments with Luca where he relives the past and can relate when he seems to shut down.The members of the club are there to pull him out of his head and remind him he no longer lives the life he previously did with his so-called parents.They’re the two people in the world who are supposed to love him unconditionally and support him no matter what.Instead they treated him like shit and tore him down piece by piece every day of his life.The same way my aunt and uncle did for me.Laurie’s story isn’t as bad as ours, but hers is just as rough and horrible.It’s simply not mine to share with the world.
As I clean the common room, the haziness starts to take over and I can’t stop myself from collapsing against the closest table.The chair digs into my stomach and causes pain I’ve never felt before.It’s worse than the cramps I’ve had countless times over the years from hunger.The last thing I hear before everything goes completely black is my stomach rumbling in hunger.Something I rarely hear these days because I’m so used to going without food.
Chapter Two
Link
TWO WEEKS HAVE passedsince the night Annistyn passed out in the common room when she was cleaning.Once again, it’s because she overworked herself and didn’t eat.Her body is shutting down and the blood work confirms she’s malnourished and in desperate need of nourishment she lacks because of the eating disorder she has.Doc even had to do a blood transfusion.Doc isn’t sure where she’s bleeding and nothing came up on the tests and images he performed.Now, we’re waiting for her to consent to a trip to the hospital for further testing and to put together a plan to ensure she gets more food and starts to recover from the years she was forced to eat so little.I have to sit down and have a conversation with her about her lack of eating and haven’t found the words to say so she doesn’t feel as if I’m attacking her instead of trying to get her to focus on herself to heal.
The first time I saw Annistyn once she was able to take a shower and truly get cleaned after being only allowed to sponge bathe for so long, she looked like a completely different person.Her long dark hair was no longer matted and a knotted mess.It shined under the lights of the common room and went down to her ass.Annistyn’s dark brown eyes still held every hint of fear she’s ever felt in her life while her pale skin showed every injury and bruise even more without the grime and dirt covering her skin.Cali got her some clothes that hung off of her thin body.While I cherish seeing every side there is to Annistyn, I know she needs to gain weight and get help she’s not ready to accept.Her body tells a tale none of us will ever understand and she’ll carry more scars for the rest of her life than anyone I’ve ever met.
“What’s goin’ on, Kreed?”Caleb asks me as Cali and him walk in the common room where I sit alone at the bar with a cup of coffee in front of me.
“Just tryin’ to figure out how to have a conversation with Annistyn that’s not going to be easy.I don’t want her to feel as if I’m attackin’ her, but this conversation might come off this way,” I answer my best friends honestly as they sit down next to me and accept coffee and a bottle of water from Evan, one of our Prospects.
“What’s goin’ on with her?”Caleb asks and shifts to look at me better while Cali drops her head and closes her eyes.
“She needs to eat more, huh?”Cali asks, her voice a whisper as Luca walks in the common room and heads in our direction.
“She does.She’s so damn malnourished she can hardly function like a normal person.That’s why she passed out two weeks ago while cleanin’.It’s one of the reasons she needed a blood transfusion.Now she needs to have more testin’ done at the hospital she refuses to do and we need to get her eatin’ more throughout the day.I just don’t know how to talk to her about it and Doc doesn’t feel as if he’s the right person for the job,” I say as Luca takes a seat on my other side.
“It’s gonna be a battle, Kreed.She’s been told for most of her life she can’t eat and only does when you, Cali, and Reckless are in the room with her for a meal.The rest of us have tried a few times to get her to eat when we’re in the clubhouse and she refuses.Makes up some excuse why she can’t.Honestly, part of it’s because she would be beaten if she had food when she wasn’t tossed scraps once or twice a week.Annistyn sees herself one way and can’t necessarily see what the rest of us do.It’s gonna take somethin’ big for her to see the truth of her situation,” Luca says, having personal experience with this in a way.
“Any suggestions as to how I go about helpin’ her with this?I’m at a fuckin’ loss and not sure what to do,” I ask the three of them as the front door of the clubhouse opens and Annistyn walks in with a smile on her face.
I started falling for Annistyn the second I saw her chained up in that warehouse, a complete mess and cowering like a scared mouse.There’s truly something so pure and innocent about her I haven’t witnessed in a very long time.In some ways, she reminds me of Cali when we first met her.
Today, she’s wearing a smile and lost in her own world as her attention is on the small digital camera in her hands.She’s been going out more and more around the clubhouse, taking pictures of anything and everything.I’ve seen a lot of them when she chooses to show me her work.Most of what she has taken photos of are the flowers growing close to the clubhouse.She manages to capture each of them perfectly and it’s the only time I truly see her completely at peace and not reliving the horrendous parts of her life.
“Annistyn, I was just going to grab something for breakfast.Why don’t you join me?”Cali asks her, standing from the stool next to me as Annistyn startles and looks at the small group of us sitting at the bar.
“Oh, um, well I’m not hungry,” Annistyn answers, her voice wavering with weakness and from her rarely talking.
