With nothing else to do, I make my way to the pantry after turning on music.I’ve started a playlist and selectLost Without Youby Freya Ridings.The playlist is on shuffle and there’s a ton of different songs on it.Some of them Kreed added for me because they’re some of his favorites.I listen to them all when I’m home doing anything.The only time I don’t have music playing is when I’m watching TV or streaming something.In the pantry I find chocolate chips and know what I want to make.I’ll make them into a cake instead of cookies and then add peanut butter and chocolate frosting to them.It’s something I made once before at my aunt and uncle’s and loved it.They hated it and instead of throwing them out as they demanded, I kept the pan and took it to the barn with me.One of the few times I disobeyed them and managed to get away with it.
I sing and dance to the music playing through the speaker in the kitchen as I prepare the batter.The biscuits still have to cook and it will take time before I can put the cake in the oven, but that’s okay.It will cook while we eat.Kreed and I can have this as a snack while we watch a movie tonight.
***
Dinner and desserthave been sitting on the table for four hours now.Everything is cold and I didn’t eat a bite of the food I put on my plate.Kreed should have been home hours ago.I already heard Reckless came home a long time ago and several other bikes pull in after they finished their jobs for the day.Those who have houses here usually head there before going to the clubhouse for the night.I usually listen for the various bikes to pull in at the end of the day if I’m not engrossed in work or cleaning the house.
Sighing, I blow out the candles that have burned almost completely down.Wax is all over the place and I’ll have to clean it all up before I figure out what’s going on.Taking the plates to the counter, I cover them both with tin foil and place them in the refrigerator.Then I move on to taking care of everything else.Once the food is put away, I work on cleaning the table and removing the wax from everywhere it dripped while the candles burned.The last thing I do is rinse off the dishes and load them in the dishwasher before I start it and grab my phone.There’s still no message or call from Kreed.
With nothing else to do, I head for the front door while putting on the hoodie and sliding on a pair of sandals.Kreed just got them for me and I love them.They’re comfortable and easy to slide on as I wander around the compound.Grabbing the keys from the hook inside the door, I leave the house and make sure the door is locked.I don’t set the alarm because I’m still unsure of how it all works and the last time I tried I set it off.Master had to come up and shut the thing off because he was the only one on the compound when it happened.Now, I don’t bother using it and leave it for Kreed to deal with.Since he’s not home, the alarm can remain off.
I walk to the clubhouse as the sun sets and take in the clear sky with all the stars shining bright.Usually this would be one of my favorite times of the day because everything starts to go quiet and the world around me settles in for the night.I listen as animals scurry away in the forest at my side and imagine what they are.More than likely it’s squirrels or rabbits, but it could be something else entirely.That thought is sobering because I have no clue what kind of animals live in the forest surrounding the compound.There’s no howling of any kind that I’ve ever heard so I’m hoping it means there aren’t any coyotes or wolves in the area.I heard them on the farm at night before and it always scared me because they could get in the barn where I lived.
Instead of walking in the back door of the clubhouse like I normally do if I’m with Cali or Kreed, I make my way around to the front where the main entrance is.Before I open the door, I already hear the music blaring from inside and can hear laughter from the men and women.After taking a deep breath, I pull the door open and step inside.I come to a complete stop at the sight in front of me.Men aren’t wearing a shirt and the Feral girls are wearing next to nothing.A few of them are sitting on men’s laps with no top on and I can tell sexual things are happening in the common room of the clubhouse.Including the tables I’ve cleaned more than a few times since I’ve been here.This is disgusting and very eye opening.I’m seeing things I’ll never be able to unsee and looking at men and women I’ll see again in very compromising positions.I guess this is why Kreed never lets me come to the clubhouse at night on my own.
I always believe Kreed when he comes down here alone at night and says nothing ever happens between the Feral girls and him.He’s never lied to me so far and I don’t think he would about this because they love running their mouths about the guys.I’ve overheard more than a few conversations during the day when the guys aren’t around.I try not to listen, but when the girls are talking very loudly it’s all you can hear.
My eyes dart around the room until I find Luca and Master standing at the bar.I see red because I know Luca is seeing Maysen and here he stands without a shirt covering his chest and his jeans are unbuttoned.I don’t see her around the common room at all and know she would never have sex in the open like this.While I don’t really know Maysen, from what I’ve seen, she’s extremely shy and doesn’t like saying a lot about herself around others.There’s a pain I know better than most in her eyes and I understand she’s a private person because of the pain she’s been through.I walk straight over to the two guys, anger overflowing because of Kreed not coming home and now this with Luca.
“I thought you were such a good person.You are proving me very wrong, Luca,” I say, making his head snap in my direction along with Master’s as I step up in front of them.“How dare you fuck around on Maysen like this.At the damn clubhouse where she comes to visit you every now and then.I guess there’s a reason she’s not here as often as other girls guys bring in.”
“What are you doin’ here, Annistyn?”Master asks as Luca remains quiet.
“I came here for a reason and now I see it’s a good thing I came down because I will be telling Maysen about you cheating on her, Luca.You’re a piece of shit and she deserves so much better than you,” I state, pointing my finger in his chest to emphasize how pissed off I am.
“Damn!I think this is the first time I’m hearin’ you swear, Annistyn,” Luca finally says as his face turns red and I know he’s holding in laughter.
“There’s nothing funny about this situation,” I spit out, my voice low and cold as I glare at him.
“You’re right, there isn’t anythin’ funny.I’m sorry, Annistyn,” Luca says, his tone serious as he steps closer to me.“I’m not doin’ anythin’ wrong.Maysen is up in my room.I only came down to grab somethin’ to eat for her.Master caught me and I’ve been standin’ here for maybe ten minutes talkin’ to him.I haven’t touched a single one of the Feral girls and I wouldn’t do that to Maysen.I love her, Annistyn.You can go knock on my door if you don’t believe me.”
I take a minute to look at him and finally decide he’s telling me the truth.“I’m sorry, Luca.It just didn’t look very good seeing you half naked in a room full of scantily clad women,” I apologize to him as I look at the floor.
Luca reaches out and tips my head back up so I’m looking at him.
“Don’t be sorry for callin’ me out on some shit, Annistyn.You thought you saw me doin’ somethin’ to hurt Maysen and stood the fuck up for her.I’ve never heard you stand up for anyone and I’m glad to witness it.You’re findin’ your strength and bein’ a good friend to someone even when they aren’t around.That’s the kind of person you should be,” Luca says as I continue to look at him.
“He’s not wrong,” Master adds, drawing my attention to him.“I sure as fuck wouldn’t cover for him or anyone else here if they were fuckin’ around on their girl.I’d call them out on their shit and make sure the girl knew what was goin’ on.My mom was constantly cheated on and it’s not somethin’ I tolerate after seein’ her hurt and cryin’ so much growin’ up.You can trust that, Annistyn.Now, what made you come to the clubhouse this late and all alone?”
“Well, um, Kreed never came home.I know Reckless is home because I heard his bike a while ago.I waited for him to eat dinner after cooking it alone and he still never showed up.I messaged him and never heard back.Do either one of you know where he is?”I question them as they look at one another before turning back to me.
“I’m not sure where he is right now, Annistyn.Even if I knew, I wouldn’t be able to say anythin’ because you’re not his ol’ lady.He hasn’t given any of us permission to tell you anythin’ if he can’t do it himself.I’m really sorry,” Master says while Luca looks anywhere but at me.
“Are you serious right now?You’ve both heard him say he’s my man and I’m his girl more than once since I’ve been back from the ranch.I live with the man and have since I got back from the ranch and I can’t know anything he doesn’t personally tell me?You both know where he is and what’s going on and I’m the one left in the dark.How the hell is that fair?”I question them as the music stops playing and I feel everyone’s eyes on me.
“Never said it was fair, Annistyn.Kreed will let you know what’s goin’ on himself.No one here will tell you anythin’.It’s just the way things are,” Luca says as tears fill my eyes and I realize no matter how long I stay here I’ll always be an outsider.These men won’t let me in their club the way they have Cali and the other ol’ ladies from other clubs.
“Fine.Kreed and the rest of you can keep your secrets about him.Thank you for finally showing me where I rate in this clubhouse.If you see him, let him know I understand when I’m not wanted around and he doesn’t have to get you all to lie for him while he goes out and has sex or whatever with whoever,” I say before turning and leaving the clubhouse.
No one tries to stop me or says a word as I walk away.By the time the door closes behind me, I have my phone pressed to my ear.
“What’s going on, Annistyn?”Roger asks me when he answers his phone.
“Can you come get me, please?”I return and hear him moving around on his end of the call.
“What happened?Are you okay?”he questions, his words coming out in a rush.
“I’m not okay.I’ll explain everything when you get here.I’m heading to Kreed’s house to pack a bag and will be ready to leave soon.Please hurry up and get here.I can’t be here a second longer,” I plead with my cousin as I hear him mutter curse words.
