Chapter Eleven
Annistyn
YESTERDAY WAS ENORMOUSfor me.There were so many people in the clubhouse that it was pretty much standing room only.The second the first group of bikes pulled up, Cali whisked me into the kitchen and sat me down at a table for four.It was along the wall and out of the way of the main traffic coming and going.I met so many women and have no clue how I’m going to remember the names of everyone I met yesterday.The guys are easy because they prefer to be called by their road names.Kreed and Luca are the only two who have given me permission to use their legal names.The women all seem really nice even if they have an attitude when the club girls come around.
I did notice a hierarchy in the women.Those who are with a man in one of the clubs are at the very top of that.I fall somewhere under them and then the girls who are here to be with the single men in the club.Here, most of the men appear to be single and enjoy spending time with those girls.I did witness a fight between one of the women with a man and a club girl.She didn’t care that she was trying to get with a man who was taken.I can’t remember either of their names, but the woman’s man came in and made sure everyone knew who his woman is.Then he proceeded to let the club girl know if she attempts to get with a man who is clearly taken, she’ll be removed from the clubhouse and won’t be allowed back for any reason.She didn’t like that and stomped off like a petulant child throwing a tantrum.
Meeting Kreed’s mom and the woman who helped raise him was interesting.His mom insisted I call her mom while the other woman told me to call her Sam.They were both very nice and asked questions, but didn’t pry too deep.Kreed’s mom shared stories of him growing up and you couldn’t remove the smile from her face once he left the kitchen.I’m not sure what she thinks is happening between the two of us, but I don’t want to burst her bubble.Kreed and I haven’t had any kind of conversation about the two of us so I think he sees me as nothing more than a girl he rescued who needs a lot of help because I’m so damaged.Someone he can fix while he looks for the woman he’ll spend his life with.Yes, I’ve overheard the guys in the club talking and they all say he’s looking for his person and I don’t want to get in the way of that.
Kreed truly is an amazing guy and I hope he finds what he’s looking for.He deserves a woman who can stand at his side and be a source of strength when things are going horribly wrong.Someone who can give him children and the happiness he deserves to live with on a daily basis.A woman who knows who she is and can offer him all the love in her heart.That woman isn’t me.I don’t know that I’ll ever be the kind of woman anyone wants.Even if I do learn to live with the trauma I suffered through and work through all of the issues I have from my past, I don’t know that I’ll ever be in a relationship with someone.I’m too broken and none of the pieces of me will ever be put back together again in a way that makes sense.I’ll be the auntie who watches her friends' children and a woman who is there for everyone in her life.I’ll never be the bride or a woman a man chooses first because he loves her.I learned that a long time ago and have accepted that as a fact of my life.
When Kreed took me upstairs the second things became too much for me, he didn’t leave the room again.We sat in his bed and watched a movie.Well, he did.I actually ended up falling asleep for a while.I was woken up by a nightmare to find Kreed’s body wrapped around mine as he whispered words of assurance to me.I don’t know exactly what he was saying, but it definitely wasn’t the first time he’s held me through a nightmare and gotten me to wake up enough for it to end.My heart felt full as he pulled my body in closer to his and held me tight in his arms.His hard, strong body protected me from the world around us while I slowly pushed my demons away and woke up completely.Kreed is definitely my knight and I feel as if there isn’t much he won’t do in order to keep me safe.
Now, I’m in the common room.Thankfully, it’s empty and I can clean up the mess that’s worse than normal with all of the extra bodies here.Though, I will say, the place is pretty clean considering how much drinking and partying happened yesterday.I could hear the music until a little while ago.Turning on the music very low, I go about my routine and grab the cleaning supplies so I can start with the tables in the room.It’s not long before I feel someone watching me as I discreetly look around because this isn’t Kreed.Somehow I always know when Kreed is near me.It’s like my soul calls to his and I simply know where he is.This person is someone new and I’m not sure how to feel about it.
“It’s just me, Sweetheart,” a large man with tattoos says walking in the common room.“My name is Tank and I couldn’t sleep so I thought I’d come hang out in here for a while.I don’t mean to interrupt you.”
His voice is gentle, almost coaxing as he looks at me but doesn’t make a move to come any closer.He simply leans against the wall and watches me.He almost reminds me of what I’ve read in a book about a gentle giant.For some reason that description just seems to fit him and I know nothing about the man.
“It’s nice to meet you, Tank.I’m Annistyn,” I say, my voice slightly louder than normal because I don’t want to be rude to this man.
“Heard a lot about you, Annistyn.How do you like the clubhouse so far?”he questions me, finally walking further in the room and taking a seat at the bar but keeping his eyes on me.
“I like it.The guys here are really nice.I spend a lot of time with Cali, too.She’s really nice.And I enjoy spending time with her kids.They’re adorable and so sweet,” I tell him as he turns down the music even more.
“You got a past, don’t ya?”he asks, not beating around the bush as he looks at me.
For the first time, I feel as if this man can see deep in my soul and knows my secrets without me saying a single word to him.It’s different than when Kreed looks at me and I feel as if he can see every damaged inch of me.
“I do.It’s not a good past at all,” I say because something about this man makes me want to open up and take some of the weight from my shoulders and mind.To start healing my heart that’s been damaged and shattered countless times over the years.
“Ya know, you don’t have to keep that all locked inside.Anyone in this clubhouse would be willin’ to sit down and listen to your story.You shouldn’t have to carry the weight all alone,” he says as if he’s reading my mind.
Pulling out a chair, I sit down and keep my eyes locked on the table in front of me.For the first time, I want to open up and share my story with someone.All of the raw and horrible things I’ve been through for so long.I’m not sure if it’s because of my recent hospital stay and realizing how bad I am right now or just who this man is, but I find myself opening up in ways I never have before with anyone.Especially Kreed.
“I lost my parents when I was really young.Woke up in the hospital and told I was going to live with my aunt and uncle.That my parents went to heaven and I’d never be able to see them again for a long time.I didn’t understand and cried for hours wanting to find my mom and dad.That’s about the only thing I remember from that time in my life.I can’t remember what either one of them looked like or how much they loved me.There are bits and pieces I can see sometimes, but everything is a blur and feels disjointed.Like I catch a glimpse of being happy with them, but I can’t pinpoint the finer details of those memories.I get so frustrated and can’t help but cry because I really want to remember them.
“My aunt and uncle never really wanted me to live with them.They didn’t even let me stay in their house.I was put in the barn like an animal and used as a servant for them.I had to clean and cook, do all of the outside chores for the animals, and anything else they forced me to do.It didn’t take long for them to start abusing me.I didn’t even have to do anything to receive a punishment when I look back on my life.If my uncle had a horrible day, it was automatically taken out on me.He would beat me with whatever he could find until I was a broken mess on the floor at his feet.As I got older the punishments got more creative.On top of beating me, they would starve me.When I was allowed to eat it was scraps once a day.If I was lucky.They didn’t want me eating their food because I didn’t contribute to the household in any way.At least that’s what they always told me.
“I begged them to go to school when I realized I should be there with the rest of the kids my age.They laughed in my face and told me I was too stupid for school.It would be a waste of time for me because I was never going to amount to anything anyway.My aunt went to the local public school and told them she was homeschooling me.She forged documents when they had to be turned in.The only reason I know that is because I overheard her talking to my uncle about it one night when I was finishing up my chores.
