“You taught yourself how to take pictures?”she asks, causing me to look up to find her truly looking interested in talking with me about this.
“I did.Um, I wasn’t allowed to go to school when I was growing up.My aunt and uncle told the school they were homeschooling me and forged documents whenever they needed to turn stuff in.I never got taught anything unless I taught myself.That’s how I learned to read, clean, take photos, and cook,” I tell her, sharing just a small taste of how I grew up with the woman sitting with me.
Cali doesn’t say anything for a few minutes and I can see tears filling her eyes.There isn’t any pity though.It’s as if she understands where I’m coming from in a way I don’t know about.
“Caleb and Kreed have been my best friends for a long time.I met them when we were in fourth grade and they didn’t let me push them away like I did with everyone else.At recess, I would sit on my own and watch everyone else have fun or play games.Caleb and Kreed would sit with me some days and try to pull me out of my shell.They were my protectors and always ensured I had everything I ever needed or wanted.The two of them, mainly Caleb, gave me an extended family who are truly the best people I’ve ever met in my life.
“I wasn’t always physically abused when I was growing up, but my dad wasn’t the best person.Everything was my fault and my mom would cower in front of him instead of living her life.She still chooses to stay with him and stay out of my life.I cut them out as soon as I could.All they ever wanted was my money and for me to remain the obedient daughter who never stirred up trouble or chaos.I had absolutely no freedom growing up.Then I married Darren who was Caleb and Kreed’s other best friend.My life became a living hell for the years I was with him.
“I was essentially a single parent even when he was home on leave and the only times he was ever nice to the kids and me was if Caleb and Kreed were over.At least in the beginning.We thought he was killed overseas on a mission and I lived as a widow for a year.Darren wasn’t dead though.He faked his death and stalked me.The point of me telling you the shortened version of this is because if you ever need to talk, I’m here.I might not have suffered as much as you have, but I’ve definitely had my moments where I wish I were anywhere else in the world,” Cali says as I remain looking at her for the first time ever.
“Caleb and Kreed helped you through it all, didn’t they?”I ask her, already knowing the answer deep in my heart.
“They did.Those two have been there for the kids and me more times than I can count.Caleb isn’t Bryce and Rory’s biological dad, but he’s the only one they’ve truly ever known.Darren never did anything for Bryce when he was around.We were nothing more than an inconvenience he had to stay with because of an accidental pregnancy at the end of our senior year.Kreed has always been the best uncle to my children and they adore him.Both Caleb and Kreed have amazing role models in their lives and I’m sure you’ll meet them all one day,” she answers me and I can’t help but smile because it doesn’t surprise me at all when it comes to Kreed and Reckless.
“Is this the first motorcycle club you’ve been involved with?”I question Cali as Carly makes her way over to us.
“No.Caleb’s dad is a member of a club called the Phantom Bastards.His grandpa is the President of that club.That was the first MC I was ever around.The Phantom Bastards are close to a club called the Wild Kings and that’s the second club I was around.Actually, one of the Wild Kings is married to Caleb’s aunt so the clubs have combined families in that way.There’s a lot of kids between all the members and the ol’ ladies are some of the best women I’ve ever met in my life.Some of them will understand your past more than you think.It’s okay to talk about what you’ve been through, Annistyn.No one here will ever judge you for trauma inflicted on you.You’re the victim in all of this and none of it was your fault.That’s probably the hardest thing you’ll ever have to learn about it,” Cali says, a knowing tone to her voice as she remembers her own past.
I let her have a minute as she shakes off the memories haunting her.Cali offers me a small smile before lifting the bottle of water in front of her to take a sip.
“Can I ask you a question about Kreed?”I ask her after she’s done drinking.
“You can.I don’t know if I’ll answer because he is my best friend, but I won’t hide anything either,” she responds as Carly remains close enough to listen to us with a beer in her hand.
“He told me he wasn’t mad about the other day at the park.Is he being honest about that?I’ve been waiting for some kind of punishment to happen and it’s exhausting waiting,” I ask her as my voice breaks with emotion and I have to look down at the table in front of me.
“He’s not mad or upset with you, Annistyn.Kreed will tell you honestly if he is.You’ll know without him saying a word if I’m being honest.He only wants you to learn to cope with your past and be happy.There’s more but I won’t spill his secrets.Just trust me, and I know that’s hard for you, when I say he’s not mad at all,” Cali answers me with a smile on her face as we look at Carly who steps up next to the table we’re at.
“Annistyn, have you ever had a drink?”Carly questions me, her voice having a mocking tone to it I can’t help but pick up on.
“No, I haven’t.Why?”I return, my voice so low she leans closer to hear what I’m saying.
“I think we should change that.Evan, bring over some shots for Annistyn,” Carly calls out and I feel myself starting to shut down.
Every memory I have of someone drinking around me until I came here is filled with pain and loathing.My uncle drank heavily when he was losing and always took it out on me.When I was a very young girl and would smell the alcohol on him, I learned to hide and stay away from him for as long as possible.I also made a promise to myself that I’d never drink for any reason.If I could possibly turn into the horrible person he was, I want nothing to do with it.My heart starts to race and sweat covers my body as my breathing gets stuck in my chest.There’s a heaviness weighing down on my chest that borders on pain as my vision starts to fade into nothing.Everything around me becomes muffled and I can hardly hear anything.
“Someone get Kreed!”I hear Cali yell as she stands from the table and pushes Carly away from me.
That’s the last thing I see and hear as I fade into a memory.
Today is my seventh birthday.I woke up happy until I heard my aunt calling my name.She was mad about something as I jumped out of bed and rushed down the warped ladder in the barn where I stayed.I wasn’t allowed in the house with my aunt and uncle.They said I didn’t deserve to use their heat, water, be around their food, or be comfortable.I was an obligation they were forced to take in and that’s how they were choosing to deal with me.
“Anni!Get your ass out here right now!”my aunt screams, her voice making me miss a few steps and scrape my legs against the old wood.I can feel my legs tear open and a few splinters hide under my skin.
“I’m sorry, Aunt.What did I do?”I ask her the second I’m standing in front of her outside the barn in the frigid morning air.I’m wearing a thin pair of pajama pants and an old tee-shirt filled with holes.
“You should have been inside to make breakfast an hour ago.You’re so damn lazy!”she yells at me before grabbing onto my shoulder in a painfully tight grip and leading me inside the house.
My uncle is waiting for me just inside the door.I can smell the alcohol on him before I get too close to him.This means he’s going to be mean and he’s already angry.It’s only proven when I notice the belt in his hands as he glares down at me.My body is already trembling in fear as he lashes out with the belt.Once again, the belt buckle hits my skin and breaks it open.I manage to hold in the scream wanting to rip free as the pain takes over every single inch of my body.My uncle doesn’t stop there.He lashes out repeatedly until his arm gets tired and I’m a crumpled mess at his feet.
“Get the fuck up and make our breakfast!”he yells at me before shocking me.
My uncle takes a bottle of alcohol from the table and dumps it over my head.The smell consumes me as it soaks my thin pajamas and coats my skin.I’ve never seen him waste his alcohol like this before.In seconds my body is on fire where the alcohol lands on the open cuts on my body.Still, I don’t give him the satisfaction of screaming out in pain as my uncle finally turns and walks away from me.
It’s not long before the TV is blasting loud and I can pull myself up.If my aunt tells him I’m still on the floor, he’ll come back in and beat me again.It’s happened before and will happen again when I offend him in one way or another.My uncle doesn’t truly need a reason to beat me, he makes them up in his own mind most of the time.I try to be good and quiet, to do what I’m supposed to.Instead, I’m beaten multiple times a week for his various reasons.
“Pixie, I need you to come back to me,” I hear a man’s voice as if it’s coming from a distance.“Come on, Annistyn.You’re okay.Nothin’ here is gonna hurt you.I’ve got you.”
