“Well, he’s a multimillionaire cowboy philanthropist, and I would say that’s close enough.”
Wide-eyed, I looked to Salcedo for confirmation. She shrugged.
I waved away the discussion. “Whatever. If I were younger, maybe I would’ve begged Malone to give us a chance, but I needed him to make the first move. I gave him the opportunity. He didn’t take it.”
“How exactly did it go again?” Salcedo asked.
I told them about the conversation again, even though my chest ached at the thought of it.
“So he said, ‘If that’s what you want’?”
“Yes.”
“Stark, he was waiting foryouto make the first move,” Havisham said.
“Well, I wasn’t about to. Nothing good has ever come of my putting myself out there first. Not with my father. Not with Ken. No thank you. And long-distance wouldn’t work anyway. I don’t like planes, I don’t like starting over, and I don’t like being made a fool. I don’t have the time, energy, or money to start over. Cat lady it is.”
Havisham’s eyes widened. “Wow, Stark. That was so cynical, you’re making me sound like Pollyanna.”
Salcedo frowned. “Stella. You’re clearly miserable. Why don’t you go to him?”
“No. I ran after my dad, and he cut me out of his life. I once went back to Ken after a breakup, and you see how that ended up for me. Besides, what do I know? My bullshit detector is obviously broken beyond repair. Trista was in cahoots with Ken the whole time.”
“What?” asked Havisham and Salcedo together.
This necessitated telling them about the entire day from start to finish.
“And to think I gave that woman some chardonnay on the house,” Havisham said.
Salcedo put a hand out as if to remind her that wasn’t the most important part, and then she turned to me. “You shouldn’t have been making decisions immediately after all that. Also, you need a therapist.”
“No shit. How am I going to pay her? Can’t even barter with acts of pettiness now without fear of having someone call to complain. No, I’ll have to read my book and talk it over with my emotional support cat.”
“Yeah, well, Brené Brown would tell you to take a chance on love,” Salcedo said.
“The cat or the author?”
“Both.”
“Maybe if Malone had mentioned the word ‘love’ even once, I would listen to the author. Or even the cat.”
“Well, did you mention it first?”
“No. I never have, and I never will.”
Havisham whooped. “Never? You asking for the universe to mess with you a little more? I said I’d never own a bar. What have I been doing all these years?”
“Know what? I’m going home.”
“You do that. You’re out of sorts,” Havisham said.
“Thanks so much. Next, y’all are going to tell me we aren’t friends anymore, either.”
The tears hit me hot and heavy, and I tried to slide from the booth, but Havisham grabbed my arm. “Stella Stark, sit your ass down.”
Meekly, I obliged.
“Look me in the eye.”
