“Y’all make this sound easy.”
“Because it could be,” said Salcedo with all the optimism of her youth.
“Well, there are other complications,” I said.
“Spill,” said Havisham. So I told them about how Trista’s job had turned into a different task altogether, about how Blake had sneaked into Malone’s apartment and was trying to throw us under the bus, about the gala, all of it.
“And I have two—well, make that one day to figure out how I’m going to talk Ken into giving me the title to my car.”
“How much do you have?”
“Six thousand five hundred.”
Havisham reached into her back pocket. “I thought that might be the case. Here’s a loan of five hundred dollars.”
“Havisham, you don’t have to do that. I can ask my nana.”
“If you do, there will be strings attached. Take it from me. I know you’ll be good for it.”
Mercy, was I crying again?
“You okay?” asked Salcedo as I swiped a tear.
“It’s this damn book y’all have me reading,” I said. “I keep feeling things.”
“Kinda the point,” Havisham said at the same time Salcedo patted my hand.
“Well, feelings are gross and inconvenient and painful. I don’t like them.”
Betty appeared at that moment with plates of food, so Salcedo jerked her hand back before saying, “But if you can’t feel the painful emotions, you’ll never feel the pleasant ones.”
Out of the mouths of babes.
Even so. “What if I prefer being on an even keel?”
Havisham cackled. “We’re women. We’re never on an even keel. I mean, we should get more credit for functioning in this dysfunctional world while also experiencing fluctuating hormones, but we don’t. Take my word for it: It’s better to lean in to the roller coaster of life than to hold yourself stiff against the restraints.”
“That’s profoundly beautiful, Havisham. I still don’t want to.”
“Riddle me this, Stark: What exactly can you do to prevent bad things from happening to you?”
“Prepare for the worst and stock up on Malbec.”
“The first doesn’t do you any good, and the second is called ‘numbing.’”
“Oh, I know what ‘numbing’ is, thank you very much,” I snapped. “It’s in the book. But maybe Ilikenumbing.”
Salcedo had been watching our discussion, her head going back and forth like she was a spectator at the world’s tiniest tennis match. Finally, she spoke. “Why don’t you just tell Malone how you feel?”
Havisham and I looked at her and then at each other. We both burst out laughing.
“No thank you,” I said. “He suggested a temporary arrangement, and I will honor it.”
“What if he feels the same way you do? What if he only suggested something no strings attached because he thought that was all he could get?”
“Then he can tell me.”
She sighed in exasperation and turned her attention back to her hashbrown bowl.
