“No. And you can’t tell anyone, Killian. Promise me.”
“I won’t. I’ll never betray you,” I said, offering her another cookie.
The pieces of cookie in her mouth kept me from completely understanding her next words, except “It’s not just them.” I raked my fingers through her hair and watched her munch, enjoying the taste and crunchiness. “Most of the time, I can’t feel anything, and when I do, it’s this overwhelming anger. I have so much anger even about the smallest things.” She sighed. “Everyone is so fake.”
“Do you think I’m fake?” I asked her because nothing I did with her was fake. I hoped she knew that much.
She shook her head. “No, but… you tell me very little about yourself. I know you’re hiding a lot from me, Killian. And I know it’s something terrible, which makes me worry about you. Sometimes, when I get to school and you haven’t seen me yet, you look so… so sad, like you’re about to cry.”
Now I was the uncomfortable one because once again she was reading my soul like a book. I didn’t say anything. Thank God the song finished, so I played another. For a long time, we just lay there. The chirping of birds in the tree above us mixed with the musical notes filling our ears. I watched her count my freckles silently. It had become as sacred as Christmas mass in the Vatican.
“Do you think I’m a terrible person?” she inquired, searching for reassurance of loyalty. From me, she’d always have it.
“No. I have a lot of dark thoughts too, Magdalena, just like everyone else. I think everyone is like Batman. There’s a dark side to him, but he saves people, right? I think … what you do matters more than the dark thoughts that run through your mind. As long as you don’t hurt anyone, you’ll still be a good person.”
Her palm radiated warmth onto my cheek when she cupped it, mirroring my actions, and the sensation was addictive. I closed my eyes, giving myself the chance to enjoy it as much as possible. “You sound like Daddy.”
“He must be a smart man,” I joked, and we both chuckled. A few minutes passed. The other kids from our class were about to come out for recess, so I only had a few minutes for the idea that just sprang to my mind. “Want me to show you my secret?”
“Yeah.” In that one word, she exerted so much excitement that her eyes twinkled.
“Then follow me, Magdalena Michaelson,” I said with a smug smile as I paused the song, then crawled around the bush until we were on the side of the school building where no one would look for us. She followed me when I stood and ran at full speed.
“Killian, where are we going?” There was a circle of tall magnolia trees surrounded by white rose bushes. I jumped over, breaking off a few small branches, then grabbed a rose that had fallen. At the center was a hole with a view to the perfectly clear blue sky. With all the shading, there was a humid chill to the air. It smelled amazing and was quiet, except for us and the bugs and birds. I disconnected the headphones, and “Video Games” started playing, then I placed the short stem of the rose behind her ear. The song was perfect for how I felt about her. I liked the sound of the bell at the beginning.
“I do like my bad girl…” I whispered in her ear where the rose hung, took her hands in mine, and turned her so we could dance to the song. “You’re my heaven, Magdalena.” We stared at each other, then giggled out of nowhere. It was as if some fairy had smacked us with a laughter-inducing fairy dust. There was no joke to explain it. Then it died down, and my gaze dropped to her cheeks and lips.
“You’re amazing, Killian. Has anyone ever told you that?”
At first, I hesitated.Do normal children get told they are amazing often? If I told her the truth, would she find it weird?I couldn’t figure out what was right or wrong, what was normal. If I said no, would she think Mum cruel? But then I figured, Magdalena had just confessed something deep to me, so I decided to be genuine and shook my head in response to her question. She stood on her tippy toes and hugged me. I gasped at how she was squeezing my ribs but froze at the affection, then my eyes fluttered closed. All of me melted into the warmth she was radiating. It was so powerful that it burned away every bad thing in this world, in my memory. Despite the throbbingpain, I wrapped my arms around her, unable to remember the last time I’d been held. Her hold tightened, almost numbing the agony of my broken ribs. Like everything else with Magdalena, it was magical. We were no longer on planet Earth. We were somewhere else, and loneliness could not touch us.
I hadn’t known how much I needed that hug. I never forgot it.
I remember that once life tore us apart, I spent many hours hoping she’d never forget it or me.
Iwasfullyasleepon my bed when the nearby footsteps tapping and shuffling on a wooden floor woke me but not enough to open my eyes. The deep slumber demanded I get right back into it.
Wake up. Wake up.Run.
Wake up.
I was sure it was just a dream or maybe someone from the party downstairs was walking past my door. There was more shuffling and some whispering.
YOU NEED TO RUN!
Hands grabbed at my arms and pinned them to the bed as I gasped in terror and opened my eyes, lifting my head off the pillow. In the pitch-black darkness, I only saw the outline of their silhouette. Men. Two of them. Within a second, a needle pierced the inner fold of my arm.
“No! What are you do—” I hissed at the liquid burning under my skin. “Oww… feck, feck.” I pressed the ball of my feet into the mattress as the liquid sizzled through my body. “Mmmm. It hurts! It’s burning.” The scalding sensation spread and reached my nape. Although I was willing my body to fight, there was a disconnect, and it wouldn’t move at all. My eyelids collapsed, but my ears still worked.
“You’re sure you put enough?” a male voice asked as they released me. They weren’t whispering anymore.
My chest was too heavy. I had to use all my energy just to breathe in a little.What’s happening? Who are you!I opened my mouth to ask, but nothing came out.
“Yes. I’m sure.” My left cheek stung after being slapped twice. “See? He didn’t even flinch,” Uncle Ricard replied. I could hear myself struggling to breathe. The most unsettling thing was I I couldn’t tell if I was choking. How long could I survive breathing like this? Only a little at a time?
“Yes. I see that,” the stranger answered. Or was he? I’d heard that voice before, but I couldn’t remember who it belonged to because I was too busy panicking over what they’d already done to me and how difficult it was to lift my chest.
I hated the sound and being trapped in my body, completely awake with all my thoughts. My heart was racing too fast. Fat droplets of sweat trailed from my forehead, wetting strands of my hair and sticking it to my face.Stop this! Uncle!Inside, I was screaming, waiting, crying and begging them.I don’t want to die! Mum! Muuuuuummmm! Please! Please make this stop!
