“What?”
“It’s too evil, Killian. I’m not kidding.”
The tension pushed a chuckle to explode out of me, generating a big smile on her face that quickly faded. Her eyes, which glared into mine, weren’t amused. She was serious. My little angel seemed to have a dark secret, one that weighed heavily on her, and she was struggling to share it with me. The amusement on my face was erased by her seriousness. I wanted to reassure her.
“You can’t scare me, you know that, right? You’re my best friend ever, Magdalena.” I pushed her hair back. “What would I do without my only friend?” I shrugged and waited as her eyes shifted all over the place then landed on mine again, digging into my soul. I could almost read her thoughts; she was searching for any signs that I’d stop talking to her and abandon her if she confided in me. “What is it?”
“I’m always thinking of bad things, and when I’m not, I search for the darkness, the evil in them. I try to figure out what they really want from me, from each other. Because…” Her eyes lifted to mine like a puppy. “If can figure out what they want, then I can...” She hesitated. “I can control them. Get them to do what I want.”
Any semblance of a smile melted from my face. “What?” The whisper escaped me in one breath. “What do you mean?”
“Haven’t you noticed, Killian? People always want something from everyone. No one ever does anything just because.” I was just beginning to process her previous words.
“If that’s the case, then what do I want… from you?”
“I haven’t been able to figure it out.” She shrugged and smiled. “You’re so mysterious. It’s fun.”
“I’ll tell you—”
“Yes. Tell me everything.” She interrupted me with so much enthusiasm that I couldn’t help but titter. The hunger she had breathed life into me. For a few seconds, I had forgotten the beating, but the laughing made the pain intensify and a gasp escaped me.
“Killian.” She raised her voice when I winced and tried to push on the pain shooting from my rib cage. I attempted to speak but my voice was gone, and in trying to fill my lungs again, I took a long breathe, and the pain intensified. The frustration filled me. I was doing everything wrong, and if I didn’t get my shit together, she’d soon figure it all out. “What’s wrong? What is it?” She tried yanking my fingers off myself, but I resisted.
“Nothing. I’m fine. Just ever since I got sick, I’ve been having a little pain here. That’s all.”
“Well, Daddy is a doctor, and he’s taught me a lot, so let me see.” She pulled at the end of my T-shirt, but I held down the spot covering my purple and yellow bruise.
“No! Magdalena...” I called, but she ignored me. “Wait.” I pulled away. “Please. Stop. I’m fine. Everything is fine!” I yelled.
When she gave up, she scrunched her eyebrows. Her eyes alternated between my face and hand, as if I didn’t trust her. But it wasn’t that, of course I trusted her. I just didn’t want to expose her to the hell surrounding us.
Sitting next to me, she muttered, “Why don’t you want me to look under your shirt, Killian? Why do you hide everything from me?”
I extended my hand, but I couldn’t reach her perfect cheek, so I lifted my upper body, leaning on my elbow despite the pain. “Because...” I paused, calming my breathing by doing the one thing I woke every morning looking forward to doing—studying her eyes and lips. “I’m fine. Now... can I keep telling you all that I want from you? It’s a long, long list, you see?” I paused to enjoy her anticipation for the answer.
Finally, my words mended the pain in her gaze, and the worry on her face melted into that sun-blinding smile. “All I want is to marry you someday.”
“Still with that?” she asked, with rosy cheeks and a smile full of embarrassment and discomfort. “You said it was a long list.”
“I just want you to choose me, always. And yes, I’ll do anything you want for that.”
“But… what if I hurt you?”
“Oh, youwillhurt me…” I nodded. As strong as my obsession with her was, so was my vulnerability.
Her eyes widened, and she shook her head. “How can you be so sure? I don’t want to—”
“You will hurt me and when you do… I’ll still be right here by your side.” Her forehead wrinkled. “Tell me more about this dark side.”
“Most of the time… I mean… not with you or Daddy but with everyone else, I don’t feel anything. I get so tired … pretending that I do.”
I stayed quiet, listening to her, not wanting to disturb her deep confession. “I hate my brother and sister. Because of them, my parents don’t have time for me anymore. They’re so annoying. All they do is poop and cry. I don’t understand why Mom and Dad had to have other kids if they really loved me. Why did they need more? It’s been doctor visit after doctor visit, operation after operation, and then Mom is always so tired. Sometimes, I…” She looked into my eyes, as if she’d realized she’d gone too far and checking to see if I still loved her. And I absolutely did. I’d always love her.
“Yes?”
“Sometimes, I want to drown them. Just push them into the water in a bathtub. But… at the same time, I know no one ever loves a villain. I know Daddy will be beyond furious with me if I did it, and I don’t want Daddy to stop loving me anymore than he already has.” She shrugged. “If I’m not extra nice to everyone… it’s like I’m allowing the darkness to take over me, to take all control.”
“Wow… I had no idea you felt like this. Have you ever told your—”
