My fear of his fury felt like a betrayal.
Wasn’t this what I wanted from him; for him to love the darkest parts of me? Well... right before me was the darkest part of him, and I had failed him in every way by allowing myself to be scared. Was this how Mommy looked at Daddy and me? God, I hoped not.
Killian’s nostrils flared every time he breathed out. The anger wrinkled his eyebrows and shaped his eyes into a deep glare. He’d used all his strength and energy forcing his breathing to rush.
This wasn’t just fantasizing; his ragewasuncontrollable.
He hadn’t even heard me when I shouted for him to stop. I swallowed hard, feeling guilty for having pushed Killian into this.
Slowly, way behind, I followed the teachers taking them into the school building. As they passed the entrance, I forced myself to take in the state of Mael, to confront what Killian had done to defend me. I wanted this fear to go away. Mael’s face like Killian’s fist, was covered in blood, and deformed, quickly becoming swollen. A gash on his left cheek was bleeding thick blood fast.
That was what my dark dragon had done for me. That was how hard he’d defended me. A smile spread on my lips as the fear became a rush of excitement.
I felt worshipped, powerful.
When my attention met Killian again, his eyes no longer held anger, he was no longer huffing and puffing rage out of his body, he was full of glee and even laughed. I couldn’t hear it well, but the teacher chastised him. Mael turned his attention to Killian’s laughter finding it strange, not understanding the oath my dragon and I had spoken in silence. I stayed behind and walked back to our spot where our sandwiches and fallen juice were being consumed by ants.
Would they really throw him out of school? Could I handle being there with all these other kids and not have my sweet moments with him? Being alone on the bench felt horrible and cold. It was the first day I was happy for the bells to ring so that we could return to class.
For a whole week, my heart stood still in my chest. It was difficult to breathe. Killian wasn’t in school the next day, and I feared he’d never be again. Thank God his uncle donatedextra money to the school for a new auditorium so that Killian wouldn’t be permanently expelled.
Dear Diary
You are Mommy’s secret birthday present to me. I told her not to tell Daddy about you because I want to write all my thoughts about love here.
Daddy doesn’t like the way I talk about Killian. I made the mistake of telling him about the fight. I thought he would understand why I got excited. I’ve been dreaming of blood every night ever since. Also, I rewatched Sleeping Beauty. It’s too bad but, as soon as I told him Killian got in a fight with Mael and was suspended for it, Daddy disapproved. He said he didn’t like how violent this boy was. He didn’t even get to hear why Killian got into the fight. Maybe Daddy was having a bad day.
Either way… Killian’s the love of my life. I know it sounds bad because I’m only seven years old, but I’ve watched Romeo and Juliet, Tristan and Isolde, and most importantly, I watch Mommy and Daddy. He doesn’t understand that Killian would treat me just like he does Mommy. Killian is so sweet to me. He only talks to me, no one else. He only answers the teachers when I ask him to. Can you believe it? It makes me feel so special, the way he looks at me, always wants to be near me. I asked him if he would let other girls count his freckles, and he told me I would always be his only girl. My cheeks got so hot, and he wouldn’t stop looking at me. It made me giggle, and I had to hide my face and look away. I felt those bugs inside my tummy again. When I asked Mom what that was, she called them butterflies.
I love that Killian can put butterflies inside me just by talking to me.
He says the weekends are so hard without me. To tell you the truth, I miss him too, but I think he misses me even more.
One of his eyes is just like Daddy’s—blue like the ocean, but the other is brown with lots of black dots. I’ve never seen a more beautiful creature. At first, I was scared of him when he gets angry but now I think he looks even more beautiful. I even asked him if he was magical. He’d said, “Only when I’m with you.” He says things like that because he likes how my cheeks turn red. That’s what he told me.
The other day, he took my hand, and it heated my arm all the way to my cheek. Something in my tummy moved, and it tickled. I guess those were the butterflies again. I pulled away and said it was too weird.
He said he understood. I liked that he wasn’t mad at me, and we still had lunch side by side on our spot by the rose bushes, under the magnolia tree.
Love,
Magdalena Michaelson
(Second Grade, 7 years old)
Dear Diary
Today, Killian said he wanted to marry me. Before you freak out like Daddy and Mommy, let me explain. We were presenting our homework, where we answered what we wanted to be when we grew up. My answer was the Prime Minister of France and Canada, just like me and Daddy have always planned. Even though I know prime ministersgive a lot of speeches, I was so nervous. My heart was in my ears, and I couldn’t hear all the other students who went before me. Killian and I were the last ones. He walked to the front of the class and started reading his answer. Seeing him so relaxed helped me calm down. He always does that to me, always makes me feel like everything is going to be fine. Then he read, “All I want to be when I grow up is Magdalena Michaelson’s husband. Nothing else will ever matter except her.” I gasped and covered my face. The entire class laughed. I’m pretty sure my face was red because everyone who looked at me laughed even harder. I had to cover my cheeks with my hands to cool them down.
“Killian Oster, that is not a career. The assignment was to tell us what you wanted to be when you grew up, not who you wanted to marry?—”
“But I don’t care about anything else. All I want is to be married to her. I love her with allllll my heart,” he’d explained.
“That’s going to be an F for you, young man. Return to your seat.”
When Killian got to his chair, well, that’s when he kneeled and gave me the ring in the little plastic bubble and said, “Nothing else matters, angel.” The shock pulledmy attention from the other kids in the class. I didn’t even hear when the bell rang.
Daddy doesn’t like that I feel the same about Killian. He thinks it will keep me from becoming prime minister, but it won’t. First of all, most prime ministers are already married ’cause they’re so old. Second of all, Daddy doesn’t know I need Killian to calm me down so that I can do all the prime ministering, just like he needs Mom around to keep his daymares away.
