His palm touched my cheek. “I’m not even worthy of you noticing me. Why would I ever dare to dream of such a thing?” The relief made me smile. “Why does it bother you; what they are saying?”
“Because I want more than that. Kissing… It’s something that will be over in a second. And it’s disgusting, really, with all that saliva.” I scrunched up my face. “I want our friendship to be real.”
“It’s more than real. It’s everything to me. I miss you when we’re not together. The only thing that makes me feel betteris thinking of you, knowing we will talk again the next day, eat these delicious sandwiches together. Remembering how you look, how you talk, the things you say, the things you like and don’t like.”
“So, you would never do something that I don’t like?”
Killian pulled his caressing hand away and furrowed his brow while studying my eyes. For some reason, my heartbeat quickened as if I had something to hide. I didn’t want to talk about all the things that had been done to Daddy at my age. The thought of things Grandma had allowed to be done to Daddy disgusted and infuriated me.
“Is someone hurting you?” The two last words were delivered louder and rougher than the previous. Anger looked beautiful on him; it intensified his eyes. I could see it; how it had always been under his skin, waiting to explode, to be used, and at that moment, it was gathering, his whole body and face tensing. I liked how it forced me to feel something new. The little life I’d lived, I’d spent fearing being unmasked, but somehow, with Killian, I was free of that, instead, there was always a sensation of belonging. For the first time, there was something else to fear, him hurting someone else to protect me.
At first, it stole my breath to struggle to find a way to calm him, but then I burst into a giggle, enjoying having a protector in my best friend. As a thank you, I kissed his cheek, pulling the cutest shocked expression from him. His eyes bulged and his mouth dropped open in an “O” shape, his cheeks filling with the red. I giggled even harder and shook my head. “No one’s hurting me.” He was still confused by my reactions, so I explained. “You looked like a dragon. Ready to burn down all of Europe for me.” The giggle rumbled through my body again. Only toward the end of it did I notice the way he was taking in my laughter. He was serious, studying every shake of my body, not with offense or embarrassment, but with fascination.
“I would, you know.”
“Would what?”
“Burn everything down for you. Iamyour dragon.” He nodded as he spoke the last sentence. I don’t know why; the statement was like a record scratching, it silenced everything. It left me open mouthed while Killian took the first bite of the sandwich without dropping my fascinated leer. We were just kids though. Kids shouldn’t burn anything down, but oh did I want to with him. I imagined us together, burning house after house and laughing. He would have helped me kill Grandma. That’s exactly how she should have died, like an evil witch—tied down, naked, the flames melting her skin away, unmasking all the ugly, and pulling shrieks of helplessness and pain. She’d stood there and allowed the men to hurt my poor, dear, sweet daddy, so it only made sense that I would have stood there, digging into her pleading eyes.
Killian and I were in our own universe again where everything was safe and warm. He wouldn’t judge my dark fantasies. I had no idea how many minutes passed while I fantasized, and we caressed each other with our gazes, but my body was already dreading for the school bell to signal the end of recess.
“Magdalena.” It was a warm, heavy whisper after a silence full of so much affection. I bit a little bit of my bottom lip. Looking into his eyes, I released a sigh like one does on a sunny summer day while lounging all day. I was home, safe. “If anyone ever hurts you, you must tell me. That’s what real best friends do. Deal?”
I nodded because if I didn’t say the words, then it wasn’t a lie. Right? Killian already carried so much darkness, I didn’t want to add to it, no matter what happened to me.
“Promise me.”
Oh no!I gaped my mouth and eyes open, then bit the side of my cheek. “I promise.”
“Good.”
From that day forward, just a side-eye from Killian would shut down the other kids’ chanting.
“Do your parents call you Maggie like everyone here?” Killian asked me one day while we sat on the stone bench in the schoolyard as I opened my lunch box.
“You don’t do that,” I stated, handing him half my ham sandwich, and stabbed our orange juice boxes with the straw.
“No, I like your real name.”
“They call me angel.”
Killian nodded. “Youarean angel,my angel.”
“Stop.” I directed my eyes away from him with a smile I couldn’t erase, looking down at the green bush that surrounded the bench. “You’re going to make my cheeks burn again.”
“But you are. Every time I’m near you, I feel like I’m in heaven. Only angels can do that.”
I chuckled. “You’re a silly goose, Killian.” Within seconds of my comment, something struck my eye. Stars sprinkled behind my eyelid, and a sting spread over my cheek. My sandwich fell to the grass, and my juice splashed my dark blue dress. I tried to massage the sting away, but it wouldn’t dissipate. Looking around, I realized a big ball had been thrown at me. I should have laughed it off right away with Mael, instead, I sat there like an idiot, spaced out and rubbing my eye to ease the pain. Mael stood yards away, staring at us. His eyes were full of anger untilthey widened when Killian took off toward him while yelling, “What did you just do?”
It took time for me to process the events, then Killian toppled Mael over and punched him again and again and again. I could hear his fist hitting Mael’s face, hear Mael groan at the pain and Killian roaring so deep and loudly.
“Killian, no!” I shouted while trying to get through the crowd cheering on the fight. I didn’t want him to get in trouble because of me. Never had I felt such intense guilt. It drummed in my heart. “Killian! Please stop!” I was about to reach for him, to stop him, but Bessie pulled my arm back.
“Don’t. You’ll get hurt.”
Killian growled, looking and sounding like a monster as he pummeled Mael’s bloody face. He said some words, but they weren’t in English or French or Spanish. It was as if he’d turned into something not human.
Minutes later, the teachers broke through the crowd and tore Killian away from Mael and started walking toward the building. Our gazes locked as he was dragged away. It could have been the bruise below his eye quickly becoming purple, but it was the first time I’d truly seen the rage everyone spoke about in full bloom. Killian still didn’t look like himself, and I hated that it scared me.
