“Yes.” She paused. “You’ll tell me tonight because you don’t have a choice.”
I took in a deep breath, but again, it didn’t reach my lungs. I wondered if I was having another anxiety attack, then inexplicably dropped my utensil.
“Mommy? You okay?” little Asher asked when I couldn’t stop coughing.
“Astoria—”
“Tell me what happened, Dad. Where’s Killian?”
“Not now, angel. Astoria?” he called to me, with concern filling his eyes. He placed Ember on the floor and walked to me, trying to figure out what was wrong as I gasped and squeezed my eyes shut, praying the dizziness would dissipate. Both Ash and Ember started wailing, worried about what was happening.
“Mommy….” Ashton called again in his baby voice, taking hold of my forearm.
In that minute, I remembered her telling me she had to talk to me about something. What was it? “W-wh-what did you do?” I choked out before trying to breathe in again, my muscles seizing. She drank yet another glass of lemonade, and her pale skin became wet with sweat.
“Tell me what happened, Daddy, or I’ll die.”
His attention snapped to her. “What? What did you do, Magdalena?”
Ashton signaled for some lemonade by opening and closing his hand.
“No!” Magdalena stood and pushed the pitcher off the center of the table. Her voice had been scratchy when she’d begged. “Daddy… tell me.” The glass shattered and the liquid splattered on my leg. The puddle spread on the floor. Rice and acidic vomitburned my esophagus as it rose to my mouth, then out. She did the same. We were both barely getting a breath in.
“What did you use? Magdalena, what poison did you use?” Asher yelled, trying to wake her by cupping her cheeks and slapping her. Ash and Ember clung onto me, crying. I wanted to comfort Magdalena, tell her I forgave her, but she was too far away from me. Her body had begun convulsing.
In the end, it was my fault. In trying to protect the innocence of my beautiful child, I ignored her pleas and crushed her sanity. Now my little beautiful babies wouldn’t have a mother to raise them.It’s all my fault.I’m sorry, Asher. I failed you.
9. Unwell
MAGDALENA
ELEVEN YEARS OLD
Anurse rolled me to a bench next to a willow tree in front of a big pond. The sunset painted everything in an orange-pink glow. Swans landed in the water, floating on it oh-so peacefully. With barely any strength in my legs, I moved to the bench.
“Magdalena.”
“Hmm?” I wasn’t sure how long she’d been there with me.I’d grown accustomed to going from silent trance to silent trance, hardly speaking, being lost in my own world, just remembering my times with Killian.
“Your parents will be here with Dr. Laurent in a minute, understood?” I nodded to fake being fine, but there was too much I didn’t remember.When was the last time I saw Mommy and Daddy?
“Are you going to be all right?”
I nodded again. No, I wouldn’t ever be all right, but I could tell she wanted me to be.“How long have I been in this… place??”
“A year, dear. Okay. There they are.” With no time to contemplate her answer, I turned to the side she was directing her attention. Dad was carrying my sister and holding Mommy’s hand. With the sunlight shining on them, it all looked like a dream. I thought I would never see them again. They stopped when our gazes met. My mom’s eyes were tearful, like mine, and her body was shaking. I wanted to run to them, tell them how much I’d missed them, and hug them, but I was afraid I’d fall as soon as I got up and Dr. Laurent had already walked up to me. His palm squeezed my shoulder.
They wouldn’t know it, but I had just come out of yet another electrocution and drowning session. Those therapy sessions always drained and confused me. Dad pulled Mom toward me. Didn’t she want to see me? Little Ash ran into my arms and hugged me.
“Big Sister! Wemishyou.” After a year of isolation and torture, a hug from him made me devolve into weeping. Trying to keep from completely crumbling, I smelled his hair, calming myself. It smelled like home. My sister joined the hug, and Daddy stood in front of me, waiting. Slowly, I stood, not too confident in my strength, and we hugged.
“My little angel,” he cooed, and pushed my hair back as my tears insisted on trailing down.
“Daddy?”
“Yes, baby?” Tears streamed down his cheeks too.
“Why am I here? C-can I go home now?”His brow furrowed and he glared at Dr. Laurent behind us.
