‘It’s our anniversary tomorrow,’ he reminded me sadly.
I’d forgotten. Again. With everything that was going on it had completely slipped my mind. We’d never got to Kingsford Wold, so I didn’t even have a gift to give him.
‘I’m sorry,’ I said guiltily. ‘I haven’t even got you a card yet, let alone a present.’
‘It really doesn’t matter,’ he said wearily. ‘The gift I sprung on you – this bloody short break in Rowan Vale – has hardly been a roaring success, has it? It’s certainly not turned out the way I’d hoped. I thought that, somehow, we’d both find closure and be able to move on. Instead, we find your dead husband, my brother, isn’t really dead at all. Well, he is, but he’s still around. Still on this earth and living – or un-living – just a couple of hours’ drive from our home. How are we supposed to patch up our marriage knowing that?’
‘Where did you go after you left the flat then?’ I asked. I’d waited ages for him to return to the inn. I’d almost had dinner without him, except I’d realised I wasn’t in the slightest bit hungry, so I’d come up to my room, had a shower and got into bed instead. There didn’t seem much point in doing anything else.
‘Just went for a walk,’ he said. ‘Tried to clear my head. Figure out what to do next. I hate that I’ve hurt him. Danny’s been through enough. He doesn’t need this on top of everything else.’
‘You mean, you wish you hadn’t married me?’ I asked nervously.
‘I mean I wish I hadn’t lied to him about it,’ he replied dully. ‘I’m going to get a shower and an early night.’ He stood up and frowned at me. ‘Get your pyjamas on. Haven’t you learnedanythingfrom being here?’
‘Sorry,’ I said, ‘but it’s far too hot and I can’t bear it. Don’t worry. I don’t intend to die tonight.’
‘I shouldn’t imagine many people do,’ he said darkly. ‘But by the morning, thousands of people will have. You should think about that.’
Well, that was a cheery thought.
‘Happy anniversary, Rory,’ I mumbled as he disappeared into the bathroom. I glanced at the clock. Ten fifteen. This was not how this short break was supposed to go. Once I’d got over the shock of finding myself in Rowan Vale, I’d assumed we’d spend our evenings having dinner in some posh restaurant, or having a jolly time in a pub, or even walking hand in hand by the river in the moonlight.
Instead, we were in our room, getting ready for bed – boring pyjamas and socks included – worrying about hurting the feelings of the ghost of my dead husband.
The very husband we’d come here to mourn and let go. Finally.
Fat chance of that now.
Rory climbed into bed and lay staring up at the ceiling. ‘This really hasn’t worked out how we planned, has it?’
‘Nope.’
‘Where do we go from here, Kirsty?’
He turned onto his side and gazed up at me. I really didn’t know what to tell him.
‘How has this changed us? How has it changedyou?’ he asked quietly.
‘I haven’t really had time to think about it,’ I admitted. ‘But it does strike me that it’s pretty pointless laying a wreath at the place Danny died when he’s walking about the village, shares a flat with my cousin, and sings solo parts in the village choir.’
His mouth twitched. ‘Well, there is that.’ He reached up, his finger tracing the line of my shoulder. ‘But it must be weird for you. It’s bad enough for me, but you’ve carried the grief of losing him like a dead weight all these years. Does it make it better or worse that he’s still around?’
Honestly? I really didn’t know. Part of me was glad that he still had some sort of existence, and that he and Brooke were managing to find happiness in such a beautiful village, where they seemed to be part of a bizarre community. But another part of me had hoped that he’d be at peace, because that way he wouldn’t have to spend every day thinking about me, remembering how much I’d hurt him and let him down.
My only comfort since his death had been that he was no longer tormenting himself with the memory of my betrayal. I didn’t have that comfort any longer. I really didn’t know what to think.
‘I’m not sure,’ I admitted. ‘Danny’s not the only one who needs time to process things.’
There was no ignoring the look of disappointment that crossed Rory’s face.
I threw back the duvet.
‘What are you doing?’ he asked, alarmed.
‘I’m going for a walk,’ I said. ‘I can’t sleep and it’s pointless lying here when all I’m going to do is keep you awake.’
He sat up. ‘Well, I’ll come with you.’
