‘I suppose, if I’m honest,’ Danny said slowly, ‘Ididblame you. I needed someone to be angry at. I’d had everything taken away from me, and you were all too convenient. I kept coming back to the fact that if you hadn’t got in the car with Lee that night, we’d still be alive and well, and at times I felt so angry with you I could barely look at you.’
‘Then why didn’t you ever shout at me? Rant and rave? It was the cold silence I couldn’t stand. That look in your eyes. And every time I thought you were getting over it, it would come back. That look. And it was horrible. It hurt so much.’
‘I didn’t dare say anything,’ he admitted. ‘I was afraid I’d say things that could never be taken back, and that I’d hurt you so much you’d leave and never return.’
Brooke gave a mirthless laugh. ‘Never return? Where the heck would I go? I can hardly leave Rowan Vale and move back to London, can I?’
‘But you could have left the flat and moved in with Polly or someone.’ Danny bit his lip. ‘I wouldn’t know what to do without you, Brooke.’
Brooke’s eyes widened, and she reached for his hand. ‘I think that’s probably the kindest thing you’ve ever said to me,’ she said.
He squeezed her fingers. ‘I know, and I’m sorry. I’ve been horrible. I don’t know why you put up with me for so long, I really don’t. It wasn’t your fault, you know. It was just one of those things. An accident. We were all to blame in our own way and I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. I really am sorry.’
‘It’s okay,’ she said. ‘I blamed me, too, so you weren’t alone.’
‘You mustn’t. This has to stop. There’s no point in either of us looking for someone to blame after eighteen years. It’s not going to change anything, and when it boils right down to it, we’re all we’ve got now. This is our life. Well, our afterlife.’
He bowed his head suddenly, lifting his hands to hide the despair on his face.
‘What am I going to do? Kirsty’s married again, and to Rory of all people! How could they do that to me? My brother, the man I loved and looked up to all my life, and my wife who was everything in the world to me!’
He looked up at her with anguished eyes. ‘Do you know, I only moved to London to be near Rory? I wanted so much to be like him. I can’t believe he’s taken Kirsty away from me like this and then lied to me.’
Brooke steadied herself, trying to understand, even though she was running out of patience. If she chose to, she could tell Danny what she really thought of his precious wife. It might bring her a moment’s satisfaction, but she could never hurt him like that. Instead, she had to make him see reason.
‘I know it hurts, Danny, but you’ve got to look at it from their point of view. It’s not like they rushed into it, is it? They’ve only been married ten years, and we’ve been dead eighteen, so they didn’t exactly bury you one day and head back to the church to marry the next, did they?’
Danny shook his head slightly. ‘Rory says it was seven years before they even got together,’ he admitted.
‘Well, there you go then! Seven years is a long time.’ She leaned back on the sofa and gave a loud sigh. ‘Being alone, without someone who loves you… I reckon the time goes very slowly indeed. Is that what you’d want for Kirsty? You say you loved her?—’
‘I did! I do!’
Brooke tried to ignore the pain his declaration caused her. ‘Well, there you are then. If you love her, you’ll want her to be happy, not lonely and sad. And if Rory makes her happy… I mean, what more could you want really? The big brother you love and look up to, taking care of the wife you adore. It’s perfect. Who better to take care of her? And isn’t that what you want for her? For them both? If not, it should be.’
Danny’s beautiful dark eyes gleamed with unshed tears as he listened to her. Brooke fought the urge to put her arms round him because if she did that she might just lose control and tell him how she really felt about him.
‘It’s so painful,’ he whispered. ‘You can’t begin to imagine what it’s like, knowing the person you love is so close by but that her heart belongs to someone else.’
Brooke willed herself to be strong as she ignored every instinct and pulled him into an embrace. He threw his arms around her and held her tightly.
‘It hurts so much,’ he told her.
‘I know,’ she said sadly, stroking his hair. ‘Believe me, I know.’
26
‘So he just asked you to leave?’
Rory, his face pale and drawn, nodded. ‘He said he needed time to process everything. He was so hurt, Kirsty. I could see it in his eyes. I tried to explain how it happened – that it wasn’t planned and we never meant or wanted to hurt him – but he didn’t seem to hear me.’ He sat down heavily on the bed. ‘I think I’ve lost him all over again.’
I put my hand on his shoulder, feeling the tension in his body. My heart ached for him and for Danny. Two brothers torn apart twice. All because of me. I wished with all my heart that I could explain to them that I just wasn’t worth it. That I’d never deserved the love of either of them. That I wasn’t even brave enough to tell them the truth.
‘He’ll come round,’ I said, more in hope than certainty.
‘Will he?’ Rory turned and gave me a doubtful look. ‘You didn’t see him. I’ve never heard Danny yell at me before. He was devastated, and he couldn’t believe I’d lied to him. I can’t blame him for that.’
‘Come to bed,’ I said gently. ‘Tomorrow’s another day, and things always seem better in the morning.’
