‘You know,’ he said, looking me up and down and, for the first time ever, making me feel like I should cover up in front of him, ‘you should do the same. Put something on. We’ll buy some pyjamas in the morning.’ Then he turned over and switched off his bedside lamp. ‘Goodnight, Kirsty.’
Wow! I swallowed down the lump of grief that was sticking in my throat and turned off my own lamp.
He really didn’t want to risk any physical contact, did he? I couldn’t remember a single time when Rory had put up barriers between us like this.
Depressed as hell, I lay awake for ages, wondering what this meant for our future, or if we even had a future. At some point I finally drifted off to an uneasy sleep, where shadows and whispers haunted my dreams, and there was no Rory to save me.
14
The next morning there was a distinct chill in the air and not just outside. Rory and I were civil to each other but there was something unmistakably wrong with him. He was keeping an emotional distance from me, and we ate breakfast in polite silence.
‘Are we going for a walk round the village?’ I asked, as we headed back up to our room to collect our coats.
To my surprise he shook his head vehemently. ‘No, I don’t think so. I was chatting to the bar staff last night and they told me there are steam trains here that take you to Much Melton. Apparently, there’s a little vintage bus you can catch from outside the church that takes you to the station. I was thinking we could do a bit of shopping in town and have lunch there before heading back here.’
I couldn’t help thinking that this wasn’t really what we’d supposedly come here for, and I didn’t see how doing a bit of shopping away from Rowan Vale was going to help us. We could have done that anywhere.
‘I have a better idea,’ I said slowly as we approached our room and Rory took the key from his pocket. The idea had come to me in the early hours of the morning when I’d awakened from a particularly horrible dream and had lain awake for a good hour, my mind racing and my stomach churning while Rory slept peacefully beside me. ‘You said I should get some closure. Accept that Danny is gone.’
I took a deep breath. No turning back now. ‘I think you’re right,’ I continued. ‘So I think we should go to the place where – where the accident happened. I think we should lay flowers there and say a proper goodbye to Danny. Brooke, too, of course. Maybe that would help let them go…’
I waited for him to say something, but he just stared at me for a moment, then slowly unlocked the room door.
‘You were right,’ I said hurriedly. ‘I have to face this. Danny’s dead. He’s never coming back. I have to accept that and I think that, by seeing where he actually lost his life, I’ll be able to process it all at last.’
Still not a word.
This wasn’t what I was expecting at all. I’d thought he would be pleased that I was willing to take this enormous step forward, but the look on his face suggested he thought it was an appalling idea, which was quite galling really. I mean, it was a big deal for me. Facing up to what I’d done. What I’d caused. It was going to take an epic amount of courage and self-control, and I would never have suggested it if I wasn’t desperate to get us back on track, so to have him ignore me was pretty annoying to be honest.
‘Rory?’
He pushed open the door of our room and practically fell inside, as if his legs had turned to jelly or something.
‘What is it?’ I asked, closing the door behind us.
‘I don’t think we should do that today,’ he said quickly. ‘I’ve made plans now. I think it would be much more fun to go on a steam train and do some shopping.’
‘Fun?’ I gasped. ‘But this isn’t about fun, is it? This is about me moving on from Danny. Facing up to the fact that he’s dead and gone. Fixing our marriage.’
‘We’re here until Sunday,’ he said, not looking at me. ‘We don’t have to do that today, do we?’
‘But you said?—’
‘Don’t you like the sound of a steam train ride?’ he asked. ‘I do.’ He glanced at his watch. ‘We need to get a move on if we’re going to catch it. I have to be back here for two thirty.’
My mouth fell open. ‘Are you serious? And why do you have to be back here for two thirty?’
‘Oh, just thought I’d go to the motor museum in Chipping Royston,’ he said. ‘It was in one of the brochures. A wonderful collection of vintage cars and buses. I bought a ticket online.’
‘Oneticket?’ I asked incredulously.
‘Well, yes. You’re not really interested in old vehicles, are you? It wouldn’t be your cup of tea at all. So I thought – Much Melton for shopping and lunch this morning, then I’ll go to Chipping Royston and you can find something you’d like to do here for the afternoon, then we’ll meet for dinner later.’
‘But I thought?—’
He grabbed his coat and passed mine to me. ‘Ready?’
‘We’re really spending the morning shopping?’
