‘I’m scared again now,’ she admitted.
‘No need. I’m not going to do anything. I think this is such a big deal for us, and it’s been such a long time. Let’s just cuddle up and talk until we drift off to sleep. There’ll be other nights. Lots of other nights.’
‘You’re so lovely,’ she told him.
‘I know,’ he said, squeezing her to him and kissing the top of her head again. ‘You’re a lucky woman.’
She kissed his chest and snuggled further into him, feeling relaxed and warm and safe.
This isn’t at all how it was meant to go, but it feels right, and I’m happy.
She realised, with surprise, that she genuinely was. This kind, sweet, gentle manmadeher happy. He made her feel secure and like nothing would ever hurt her again.
I think I love him! How has that happened?
Her eyelids drooped and she allowed them to close. Her last thought before she fell asleep was,I hope to God I don’t drool on him.
29
The sunshine streaming through the unlined curtains woke Mac up, and he mentally groaned, swearing to himself for the umpteenth time that he’d buy some new ones, because those rubbishy ones hanging at the window were so old and thin they were practically useless.
As he wondered what time it was and considered whether he should get up, because the animals would need seeing to and it was clearly daylight, he remembered that the clocks had gone forward earlier that morning and it was now an hour later than it should have been.
And as he remembered that he remembered something else, and his eyes flew open in shock, and he found himself staring at Alison, who was sound asleep beside him.
Something within him lurched with joy, excitement and disbelief. It had been many, many years since he’d woken up to find himself beside someone – let alone someone he cared about so much. A few months ago, he’d have said this would have been an impossible dream. Yet here she was, flesh and blood and completely real.
He hardly dared breathe as he studied her face as she slept. She was even prettier now than she’d been as an eighteen-year-old, the last time he’d seen her before leaving Kelsea Sands behind. He couldn’t believe she’d been worried that he’d criticise her looks in any way. There was nothing to criticise. She was perfect. Not just physically but as a person, too. She listened to him, she understood him, she cared about him, she made him laugh. She’d given him hope.
Mac had seriously thought this part of his life was over. After everything had fallen apart with Lynne, he’d believed he’d be alone forever, and a large part of him knew that was only what he deserved. He’d never imagined for one moment, when he returned to Kelsea Sands, that he’d find someone who seemed to like him as much as he liked her. Especially not Alison, of all people!
Yet here she was. Fast asleep in his own bed, looking like an angel in his pyjama top. He thought about the previous evening and cringed with embarrassment. It hadn’t gone at all as he’d hoped. Bloody hell, had he really said he wished he had a telly in here?
But she’d been as nervous as him, he remembered. And then there’d been the shadow of Drew hanging over them. He didn’t blame her for crying, and he understood totally why she’d been so upset, but it had added another layer to his insecurities.
He wasn’t lying when he said he was out of practice. He wasn’t sure he even remembered what he was supposed to do. And if the last person Alison had slept with was her husband, that would have been, as she said, ten years ago, before he’d got ill, when Drew was only in his early fifties and probably looked a heck of a lot better than Mac did right now.
No matter which way he looked at it, there was no escaping the fact that he was sixty-two years old, and hardly the stuff of women’s fantasies. What if she found him unattractive? What if he disappointed her? Hell, what if he couldn’t even manage to do it at all?
He’d been literally shaking when he got ready in the bathroom last night, and seeing her sitting there in bed waiting for him had nearly made him turn around and head straight back in there. It was like she was watching him, judging him as he walked towards the bed, mentally assessing whether he was worthy of her and if he’d be up to the job.
Well, he hadn’t been, had he? In fact, he hadn’t even attempted it. And now he wasn’t sure that he ever would. Despite what he’d said last night about them having lots more nights ahead of them, the fact remained that she was going home in a few weeks, he hadn’t told her everything about himself, and she might not want anything to do with him when she found out the truth. Even putting those twohugefactors aside, he wasn’t convinced he’d have the nerve to suggest she stay the night again.
As lovely as it had been to fall asleep with her in his arms and to wake up beside her the next morning, it wasn’t what he’d promised her, was it? Not literally promised her, but the implication had been there, and he couldn’t help but feel he’d let her down. God, what a bloody mess he was! She’d be far better off without him.
He rolled over on to his back and contemplated what to do now. He didn’t want to risk waking her up and face all that awkwardness again, but at the same time hewantedher to wake up. He wanted to talk to her, to reach out and touch her, just to stroke her face and experience the joy of starting the day with her. And he had the animals to see to. But if he moved and she woke up and she was embarrassed or upset to find herself there…
He realised that his sixty-two-year-old bladder had made the decision for him, and he slipped out of bed as quietly as he could and headed into the main bathroom. Washing his hands a few minutes later, he stared at his reflection in the mirror on the wall and shook his head.
‘You absolute moron. What a bloody mess you’ve made of everything.’
He sighed and picked up his toothbrush. Might as well clean his teeth and get dressed. But would that be rude? Would Alison consider it a snub, a rejection if he wasn’t in bed beside her when she woke up? Oh, hell! Why was everything so complicated? He was so useless at all this!
But the Bennet Sisters and the Dickensian Ducks needed to be let out and he couldn’t put that off. Maybe if he was quick, he could see to the animals then sneak back upstairs without Alison even knowing.
He quickly pulled on the jeans he’d left in the bathroom the previous night and padded downstairs, slipping on his trainers, which were in the hallway. He opened the kitchen door and Carne jumped off his bed and rushed over to him, wagging his tail furiously.
Mrs Beddows was nowhere in sight. He unlocked the back door and he and Carne stepped outside into a landscape where British Summer Time had officially arrived, the sun was actually warm and the skies were clear and blue.
