‘Maybe,’ she said thoughtfully, ‘we should just see how we feel when we’ve got used to being in bed together. We could just talk for a while. See what happens.’
‘And if nothing happens that’s absolutely fine.’
‘Absolutely.’
‘That’s good then,’ he said.
They both heaved sighs of relief and lay down, staring up at the ceiling.
‘It’s a shame I haven’t got a television in here,’ he said.
‘Yes. We could have watched another episode ofPoirot.’ She gave him an innocent look, and he burst out laughing and slid his arm under her shoulders. She turned on to her side and snuggled into him, her head resting on his chest.
‘This is nice,’ she said happily.
‘I’m sorry,’ he told her. ‘I’m so out of practice with all this.’
‘Oh, me too! It’s been ten years since…’
Since Drew had got ill and any thoughts of romance had gone out of the window. Life had become all about hospital appointments and doctors and medication and tests. Hard to think about making love when you were in permanent panic mode. And then he’d been too ill, and it was the last thing either of them had cared about. It was just about survival. And when she’d reached out to touch him at night, it wasn’t to initiate sex, but to check he was still with her. That he hadn’t left her while she’d been sleeping. And one morning, when she hadn’t been looking, he had.
A tear rolled down her cheek and a sob escaped before she could stop it.
Mac pulled away and stared at her, horrified. ‘Alison? What is it?’
‘I’m so sorry,’ she said. ‘It’s not you, honestly. It’s just…’
She couldn’t speak.
He stroked her hair. ‘Drew?’
Miserably she nodded. She’d blown it and she knew it. How could any man be turned on when the woman he was in bed with was sobbing over her dead husband?
‘It’s just, the last time I was in bed with a man, it was him. And he’d passed away in the night. And I didn’t even know.’
‘Oh my God.’ Mac pulled her closer and held her tightly. ‘I’m so sorry. This must be bringing back all sorts of memories for you. Look, if you want to go home, I’ll take you. It’s no problem. Or if you’d rather I slept in another room?—’
‘No! No, honestly. I like you being here. I want you to be here.Iwant to be here.’ She put her arm around his waist as if to make certain he couldn’t leave. ‘It just brought it all back, like you said. I really am sorry. I know I’ve ruined it.’
‘You haven’t ruined anything. If you can’t talk to me about it, who can you talk to? I thought he must have died in a hospital or a hospice. I can’t even imagine what it must have been like for you.’
‘Horrible,’ she admitted. ‘But it was nearly nine and a half years ago, and Drew’s gone. He’s not suffering any more. I can’t stay there with him any longer, can I? It’s like you said. We move on. We have to.’
‘The last time I was in bed with a woman,’ Mac said slowly, ‘was with Lynne. That was over fifteen years ago now. You can imagine how out of practice I am. Well, you can see it for yourself. Here I am lying beside a beautiful, funny, intelligent woman, and all I’ve done is tell her I wish I had a television set in my room.’
Despite herself, Alison started to giggle, and a few moments later he was laughing, too.
He kissed the top of her head. ‘We’re a right pair, aren’t we?’
‘We are. I was scared stiff, you know. I thought maybe you’d give me marks out of ten for physical appearance.’
‘Are you kidding? What do you think I am? But if I was going to do that, you’d get ten out of ten every time.’
She pulled a face. ‘You haven’t seen what’s under this pyjama top.’
‘Well, no,’ he said quietly. ‘I haven’t.’
Uh-oh! Now she’d done it.
