"I can order you not to drink that damned tea. Those were the doctor's orders. I'm going to inform Saphir about Thoran and Morah's recommendations for your recovery." His hands tightened on my waist. "Kailin, you're no good to anyone dead, and since you are supposed to save the world, you have to live. So, no tea until after you've bonded."
"No tea," I said. "I'm not taking what they said lightly. I don't want to die."
"Good." The relief in his eyes was unmistakable. "Now go rest. You're excused from training until the day after tomorrow. You are allowed to get out of bed only to eat and shower."
I didn't like that at all. Instead of wasting away slowly from the drain on my mental energy, I would simply die of boredom.
"But I need to train?—"
"That wasn't a request, Cadet." Ravel stopped me before I could remind him that the physician had given me no such instructions, and given the set of his jaw, I knew that arguing would be futile.
I swallowed my retort and saluted. "Yes, Commander."
He watched me walk toward the entrance, and I could feel his gaze on my back the entire way. When I finally glanced over my shoulder, he was still there, standing beside Onyx, backlit by the morning sun.
For just a moment, I let myself imagine what it would be like if things were different. If Ravel weren't a commander and I weren't a cadet, if we had met under different circumstances and on a different world, and if I weren't in love with Alar.
Then I shook my head and stepped inside, leaving that thought behind. As my grandmother used to say, what-ifs were pointless.
26
ALAR
I know how to negotiate treaties, navigate court intrigues, and when diplomacy fails, how to fight my way out of whatever is left. Yet when I see the woman I love fading before my eyes, none of it matters. No training has prepared me for the one battle I can't afford to lose.
—From the private journal of Alar Tekum
Iwatched Kailin sleep, her chest rising and falling in the steady rhythm that told me the sleeping draught was working. Her face looked peaceful and beautiful, but she was pale, and the shadows under her eyes had become permanent fixtures.
The medical examination yesterday had confirmed what I'd already known. She was burning herself out. Every time she used her abilities, she poured out more than she could replenish. And the dragon bond that might save her was still weeks away.
I brushed a strand of hair from her forehead, careful not to wake her. She needed every moment of rest she could get, but I worried about leaving her alone in the room while I was in conditioning. Someone was supposed to always watch over her while the rest of us were training. I had seen Jarren Voss, our hallway monitor, hovering nearby, but I didn't trust him to protect Kailin.
I truly hoped that this wasn't another plot to flush out the assassins. So far, those ploys had achieved nothing but putting her in danger.
My hand closed over the hilt of the knife strapped to my belt. It was good to be armed again, and I was glad my friends were similarly equipped. Someone in the Citadel wanted us dead, or wanted Kailin dead, and we were just the collateral.
At least we weren't completely defenseless now.
I put my boots on and slipped out of the room, nodding at Jarren as I passed him by. He smiled and nodded back.
Morning conditioning would start soon, and I was actually looking forward to the physical punishment. I needed to hit something, to push my body until it became a machine so I could better protect the woman I loved.
The conditioning grounds were already filling with first-year cadets when I arrived. Morek spotted me and jogged over.
"Where's Kailin?" he asked.
"Sleeping. She's excused from conditioning until the medics clear her."
"Good. She was starting to look like a ghost." He winced. "Sorry. Poor choice of words."
"But accurate." I started stretching, working out the tension in my shoulders. "Where are the others?"
"Shovia's doing laps. Codric's..." He gestured toward the far end of the grounds, where my cousin was doing pull-ups. "Being Codric."
I nodded. We'd all been processing the explosion in our own way.
Captain Odinah's whistle cut through the morning air. "Line up! Today we're running the obstacle course. Full gear, full weapons. To be considered for bonding, you need to complete it in under fifteen minutes."
