"The Day of Volition is still weeks away," I said.
"Until then, you take the tonic, you rest as much as possible, and you stop using your abilities unless absolutely necessary." Morah's tone brooked no argument. "No more prophetic dreams. No more animal connections. Nothing that requires you to project your consciousness outside your body."
I thought of the sleeping draught Saphir had given me. "What about the tea? The one that induces prophetic dreams?"
"Absolutely not," Thoran said firmly. "That tea forces your channels open even wider. In your current state, another session like Podana could kill you."
The words hung in the air like a death sentence.
"But what if the Shedun attack again?" I asked. "What if my warning could save lives?"
"Your death won't save anyone," Ravel said from his spot. "And that's what we're talking about. Death, Kailin. Not exhaustion. Not weakness. Death."
I looked at him, saw the concern in his dark eyes, and felt something crack inside me.
"I understand," I whispered.
"Good." Morah handed me another vial. "This is a sleeping draught. It will help you sleep deeply and prevent prophetic dreams. One dropper full before bed."
I accepted it numbly.
"I want to see you again in two weeks," Thoran said. "In the meantime, I will send a note to your conditioning instructor to excuse you from training. You will get to sleep an extra hour each morning. Gaining back at least some of the weight you've lost should be your top priority."
On the one hand, I was relieved that I would be excused from Captain Odinah's grueling training, but on the other hand, I knew that it would amplify my alienation from the other cadets. I was already being treated differently. I could only imagine the looks I'd get for sitting out conditioning.
I missed being the Kailin whose only uniqueness had been getting accepted into the Dragon Force training academy, but destiny cared little for what I wanted.
To her, I was just a tool, or rather a thread in the vast tapestry she was weaving.
"Thank you." I slid off the examination table.
"Take care of yourself, Kailin." Morah surprised me by pulling me into a quick, grandmotherly embrace. "Elucia needs you alive. You will not do her any good from the grave."
Apparently, Morah was just as blunt as my grandmother. Was that a generational thing? Back when these two had been young, our people had it much tougher than we do today, and they couldn't be bothered with euphemisms or mincing words.
After Ravel and Thoran clasped each other's hands and promised to get together, we were off.
The flight back to the first-year quarters was quiet. I sat behind Ravel again, my arms around his waist, the two vials secure in the pocket of my uniform.
"How are you feeling, Little Warrior?"Onyx asked in my mind.
"I've been better," I admitted. "I'm tired of being tired and scared."
"Fear keeps us alive. Heroism is not the lack of fear. It's doing what's right in spite of it."
"I'm also tired of being called a hero."
Onyx chuffed. "There could be worse insults."
"I guess."
As Onyx made a wide circle to align for landing, I rested my forehead against Ravel's back and let the wind wash over me. Below, the Citadel sprawled, a fortress carved from the mountain. So many people depending on defenses, on warnings, on prophecies that I wouldn't be able to give them in the foreseeable future.
When we landed, Ravel dismounted and helped me down. His hands lingered on my waist a moment longer than necessary.
"You heard what they said," he told me. "No more prophetic dreams. That's an order."
I chuckled. "You can't order me not to dream, Commander."
