The next question was about tactical formations for defending against ground-based attacks. The answer came more easily, my hand moving across the page almost automatically.
But between questions, my thoughts wandered again.
Kailin.
The haunted look in her eyes this morning. The way she'd flinched when I raised my voice and had stepped away from me. I never wanted to see her react to me like that again.
She was terrified, not of me, not of the exams, and not even of the bonding ceremony, but of something else. Something she'd seen in her nightmares.
And I'd made it worse by arguing with her.
She'd told me last night that being in love with a shaman in training required compromises, and I had understood that intellectually, but I hadn't internalized it. I couldn't demand from her the same concessions I would expect from another partner. She was carrying burdens I couldn't imagine. Her prophetic visions were the shield of Elucia, or so she believed, and she shouldered the weight of a destiny she'd never asked for.
How could I have criticized her for not waking me up?
I should have held her, comforted her, and encouraged her. Instead, I'd let my own fear come out as anger, pushing her away when she needed me the most.
The tactical questions gave way to dragon physiology. Bone structure, wing mechanics, the telepathic bond between rider and dragon.
A dragon bond was permanent. Unbreakable as long as both lived. The rider and dragon became part of each other, sharing thoughts and emotions across any distance.
What would my dragon think when it looked inside my heart and found this mess of conflicting obligations?
The military history section was the easiest. Facts and dates, battles and treaties. Information that didn't require emotional processing, just recall.
I finished the examination with twenty minutes to spare. I checked my answers twice, not because I thought I had gotten any of them wrong, but because I needed something to do besides thinking.
When the proctor finally called time, thirty-six cadets put their pens down and exhaled collectively.
I glanced toward Kailin. She was staring straight ahead, her posture rigid. Even from behind, I could see that the tension had never left her shoulders.
We filed out of the examination hall in orderly rows, emerging into the corridor where the midday light streamed through windows. The mess hall was our next destination—the first meal we'd be sharing with the full cadet cohort since the attacks.
General Zorian had declared it safe.
The arrests and purges had cleaned out the known converts, and Saphir had personally screened every remaining resident of the Citadel, doing so in days rather than weeks. The threat wasn't eliminated, but it was contained enough that we could resume something resembling normal life.
I caught up to Kailin in the corridor, falling into step beside her.
"Kailin."
She didn't look at me. "What is it? Are you going to yell at me some more?"
I flinched. "No, and I'm sorry I lost it for a moment this morning. Can we please talk?"
A pause. Then she sighed and turned to me. "Fine. We can talk during lunch."
I reached for her hand, and she didn't pull away from me, which was such a tremendous relief that I felt weak in the knees.
The mess hall was loud with conversation when we entered. Cadets clustered at tables, comparing answers, speculating about the afternoon tests and the evaluations tomorrow. The smell of roasted meat and fresh bread filled the air, and my stomach reminded me that I'd barely eaten anything at breakfast because I'd been too anxious.
The quintet claimed our regular table in the corner. Codric slid into the seat on my right, leaving the spot on my left for Kailin. Our usual arrangement.
She sat down, her tray holding far less food than it should. Morek had twice as much on his, and Shovia was not far behind.
For a few minutes, we ate in silence, focusing on the food, which was far superior to the meals delivered to our apartment.
Morek shook his head. "How is it possible that the first-year's mess hall serves better food than the one in the officers' quarters?"
