The letter took three drafts. I needed to sound concerned without being panicked, caring without being manipulated, firm without being cold.
Dear Mother,
I received your letter about Father's illness. I'm very concerned and would like more information. What kind of illness is it? What is the physicians' assessment?
I cannot leave the Citadel immediately as I'm in the middle of crucial training, but if Father's situation worsens, I will request leave to visit home.
Give Father my regards and tell him I'm praying for his quick recovery.
—Love, Alar
I showed it to Kailin.
She read it carefully. "It's good. Caring but cautious."
"I feel like I'm choosing myself and what I want over my family."
"You're choosing your future, and possibly the future of Aurorys." She cupped my cheek. "According to the prophecy, our world needs you here."
"When you put it like that, it's an easy choice. I have to stay."
I wished the decision were as easy as I made it sound. To potentially save Aurorys, I might be betraying my family. To honor the prophecy, I might be abandoning a dying father.
On the other hand, I couldn't make decisions based on potential manipulation. If I jumped every time my father pulled a string, I would spend my whole life dancing to his tune.
I sealed the letter and set it aside to be sent with the next mail delivery. Two weeks until it could reach home. Two more weeks for a response.
By then, the Day of Volition would be over. I would either be bonded to a dragon or I wouldn't, and I would have to live with whatever consequences followed.
"Come here." Kailin pulled me toward the bed. "Let's just lie in each other's arms for a little bit."
"That's an offer I can't refuse."
I let her hold me, her fingers running through my hair, her heartbeat steady against my ear. For a few moments, I could pretend that nothing existed beyond this room, beyond us.
But outside, the world kept turning. Letters traveled across continents. Fathers plotted. Prophecies waited to be fulfilled.
And in two weeks, everything would change.
I just hoped I was making the right decision.
30
KAILIN
"The most disturbing visions are not those of what will be, but of what might be if we fail to act."
—Shaman Frena Boqa
Alar's skin was warm against mine, his breathing deep and even. We'd made love, and for a few precious moments, I'd made him forget about the letter from his mother and the impossible choice he was facing. Now he slept peacefully, one arm draped across my waist.
I should have gotten up to take the sleeping draught. So far, I'd been so good about it, never missing a dose, but I was comfortable and drowsy, and I didn't want to get out of bed.
One night without the medication wouldn't make much of a difference. Perhaps I would have a dreamless night naturally. AsI closed my eyes, a tendril of unease followed me into sleep, but I ignored it and drifted away.
The dream started differently from my prophetic visions. There were no panoramic vistas, no foreign noises, and no urges to hunt. It felt like a regular dream. A human dream, without the gradual sinking into animal consciousness and the sense of inhabiting other bodies.
It was like stepping through a doorway into another reality, or perhaps a movie.
