The shock of that thought tore through me. I’d have to look into it more later when I had the space to freak out.
“Now, Pip. I’m not getting into that bed without you.” I put enough force behind my words to tell him I wasn’t joking around.
Despite the still hesitant look he held, Pip stood and grabbed hold of his blanket. I let him go into the bedroom first. He wasn’t going to give me the slip and try to leave.
Tension radiated off him. And it was all my fault.
When he stopped at the side of the bed, I couldn’t stand it any longer. I yanked the covers back and pointed. “Lay down.”
Pip frowned for a second, but when I didn’t budge, he eased into the bed and turned on his side with the pillow still in his arms.Was it weird to be jealous of a fucking pillow?
I covered him up, then went around to my side. Normally I’d take off my clothes, fold them, and do my bedtime routine. Tonight, I had no choice in the matter. The longer it took me to get in bed, the more Pip would panic and worry, and then the more damage control I’d have to do.
My clothes fell to the wayside with ease. Slipping in the bed, I laid on my back and stared at the ceiling. What was normally a restful position felt like standing in front of a firing squad.
Breaking the silence was hard but necessary. “You’re not the reason I left.”
Pip’s body went tight. I felt the bed shift as he turned to look at me. “You didn’t leave because of what we did?”
“No. Not at all.”
“Then why?”
“Because… because I wanted more. I wanted to touch all of you. Wanted to sink inside you and make you mine.”
His breath hitched. “What about now? Are you past these feelings?”
“It’s not about being past them,” I admitted. “It’s about timing. You’re not staying. The minute Pharrell says you can go, you will. And I can’t, I won’t, start anything with you when there’d be an expiration date.”
“And if I chose to stay?”
“That’s a conversation that deserves its own time, not a follow-up spot after I fucked up and made you feel like I was upset with you. You were amazing, Pip. I loved watching you melt for me.”
He whispered, “Okay.”
“But no matter what, you do not sleep on the couch. Do you understand that your place is here in this bed?”
“Yes, Daddy.”
We both went silent after that. Neither of us having the words to keep the conversation going and definitely not in the place to discuss the thing we hadn’t. Being a Daddy would be more than an accident between us. I was familiar enough with kink to know we needed boundaries and rules.
I wouldn’t dare put him in a position to be hurt again. Not if I could help it.
I was nearly asleep when I felt him move again. Right as I tried to figure out what he was doing, I felt something press against my shoulder.
My bare shoulder.
In my rush to get into bed, I’d forgone all my clothing except my boxers. And now Pip had pressed his face against me. He took a shuddering breath, as if being skin to skin with me was everything he ever wanted.
Unable to resist him any further, I eased my arm up and murmured, “Come here.”
Pip moved closer, though he still kept some space between us. It wasn’t enough for me. Reaching over, I yanked the pillow from his grasp, then pressed my hand to his back to guide him over.
“Be good for me, baby. I’ll sleep better with you in my arms.”
The sigh he let out felt like a gift.
One I wasn’t quite equipped to handle.
