I glanced at the bed we’d been sharing. The one that had kept the nightmares at bay.
Sleeping there wasn’t an option anymore. It wouldn’t feel right without Henny there. He needed space from me. Being in his bed would make it seem like I didn’t pick up what his leaving meant.
The couch would be fine. If I thought Rel wouldn’t get pissy at me showing up late, I’d go to his place. For tonight, I’d stay here. Tomorrow I’d either tell Rel I was leaving or I’d find somewhere different to stay while in Vegas.
I grabbed my blanket off the bed and collapsed on the couch. Tucking myself into a ball, I draped the blanket over my head.
Sleep would come. It had to.
But as I laid there, all I could think was how I’d fucked everything up. I finally had Henny’s attention and in a single night I’d scared him away.
I closed my eyes tight and felt the first tear fall.
By morning my pillow would be soaked.
CHAPTER 10
Henri
It tookforty-five minutes of walking around for my heart rate to settle back to a normal pace. I made it halfway down the strip before stopping to brace myself against a building, my fist pressed to the brick, as I tried to remember what it was like to breathe like a functional human being instead of a man whose world was just rocked.
There was one image that wouldn’t leave my mind the whole time. Pip on his knees, his hand beating his cock, as he looked up at me like I held the answers to everything he wanted. Like I was the only thing he’d ever wanted.
You like being my good boy, don’t you, Pip?
The words had been instinct in the moment. The praise was easy to give out. Pip soaked it up like a starving man who’d found water in the desert. I’d watched him fall apart beneath me, and the adrenaline rush I got was so intense it took everything I had not to pull him up and fuck his pliant body right there against the couch.
I’d even called myself Daddy, when I’d explicitly told him not to. The word didn’t feel bad when Pip was involved. There was only a craving for him.
That rush of desire was why I left.
I’d wanted too much. Wanted Pip desperately enough to scare me back into reality. The urge to push him down and take him, to hear my murderous boy beg and say please again in that breathy voice, was intoxicating.
Control was my guiding light. I never lost it. Never let myself relax enough to risk anything less than focus and precision. It’s what made me great in my role helping Pharrell. It kept me alive, kept me valuable, kept me sane.
Except Pip shattered it.
He’d given me control of the situation, and while I maintained enough to guide him, my own ability to restrain myself had vanished.
Pip always teased me about letting go. For years, he’d said I was uptight and suggested I take a vacation or something. I knew it was all said in jest, yet I couldn’t deny how fucked up the words made me feel.
Tonight had been the final blow in a long string of jabs sent my way. Only, it came in a form I wasn’t prepared to tackle.
Desire.
Arousal.
Need.
How could I turn Pip away when he’d done everything asked of him?
The bliss on his face as he came would live with me long after Pip decided to move on.
Eventually I moved off the wall and kept walking. The cool night air pushed against my flushed skin, as if attempting to temper the fire of lust burning inside me. I shoved my hands inmy pockets, turning over my thoughts one after another to see where I truly landed on this entire day.
All this was meant to be a short-term thing. Pip’s job to protect Pharrell wouldn’t last forever. I had a feeling it would be even shorter than originally planned since Ricardo showed up. Once Pharrell decided he was safe enough, Pip would be on his way to his next contract, in a city far, far away from here.
It’s how he’d always done things.
