The corner of his mouth tilts up before he takes a swig of his beer.
My chest settles, and I’m able to breathe again. We go back to dancing for a bit before the beer catches up with me.
I excuse myself to the ladies, and when I come out, my heart flops out of my chest.
Cooper is talking to another woman. I struggle to breathe and my brain pops off like firecrackers.
I stand there in shock and mild disbelief, watching him laugh with the pretty blonde. I don’t know who she is. I don’t know what she said or what he said. But he looks like he’s having a wonderful time. I stand there trying to convince myself it’s nothing. We’ve been out in other situations and he hasn’t looked at another woman. Other women have tried to flirt with him since we’ve been here, and he’s barely glanced at them. But I’m unnaturally alert to it.
And what if it’s different with her?
Maybe they’re just talking. Maybe he’s being his charming self. He makes me smile all the time. I’m sure that’s all this is.
She places her hand on his shoulder, and I’m stuck across the bar watching what’s happening in front of me.
I cover my mouth in an attempt to dampen the strangled sound, and dinner is about to make a reappearance.
Then my worst fear is confirmed when he pulls her into his arms, the place I should be, and she kisses his cheek. He leans back smiling, as if he didn’t just seal my fate, our fate.
I should never have let go of the rope.
My heart starts splitting down the middle. It’s slow, torturous, a pain I thought I'd felt before, but this is worse. This is agony so deep, it’s affecting the very cells in my body.
I should have known, shouldn’t have listened to Cooper. I should have listened to the fear in my mind, warning me away from all of it. But no, I wanted to bebrave,and look how that turned out.
I refuse to accept this anymore. I can’t.
Ican’t.
I storm past him without a glance, and push through the front doors, crumbling with each step.
“Mae! Wait, where are you going?” Cooper yells after me.
“I need to go,” I say, keeping my eyes in front of me. The gravel crunches under my feet, and part of me wonders if, I take my boots off and walk barefoot on the gravel, it might redirect the pain.
“Why? We were having fun?” he asks, running up and grabbing my arm, forcing me to turn around.
I keep my head down because I can’t look at him. I’m barely holding it together. The silent tears are already falling, but I refuse to let him see me break.I always break. Why can’t I just bend?
“What’s going on? Are you okay?” he asks seriously.
I force my chin to lift and meet his eyes, even with tears in my own. “I don’t know why I let go with you. I’m leaving soon. This is pointless.”
He drops my arm and rears back as if I slapped him in the face.
It’s a lot easier to push him away than admit that we moved too fast. I should have seen this coming. The odds were not in my favor — never have been. The ache in my chest tells me as much.
He rubs his stubbled face, full of confusion, and then he says, “Why, Mae? What do you have to go back to?” he says roughly.
“Excuse me?” I shriek.
“What are you going back to?” he shouts.
I huff. “My mother, my family, my job,reality!”
Everything was supposed to be here with him. But there will always be someone prettier, toner, smarter, morewhateverthan me. I’ve been right all along. This life, that I so desperately crave and hope for, is not for me. Howmany times does this have to happen for me to learn that? It’s only resulted in hurting myself. I’m a masochist. That has to be the answer.
“I can’t stay here,” I rasp.
