As expected, I was in my room for all of two seconds, tossing the few things I cared about into a black backpack, and the door crashed open. Micro stepped inside, with Grease beside him, and I groaned.
“Whatever it is, I didn’t do it,” I tried to joke, but it’s so fucking hard to sell when your soul feels gutted from the inside out. I felt like I could break, right in front of them, and I’d rather die, to be honest.
“Brother, talk to us. We’re family, we’re here to back each other up.”
I gave Micro the side-eye, and that’s when Grease piped up. “Yeah, what he said. Only without hugs or whatever, because you cracked my fucking tooth, asshole.”
Despite myself, despite the hell of my fucking life, I grinned at him.
“That’ll teach you to be a cunt.”
Micro groaned. “No, you’re not starting this shit now. Rocket, stop packing. For fuck’s sake, is this really what you want? Starting over somewhere else? No friends? No brothers? No anyone?” Wasn’t that what I already had right now? If I left right now, what was I losing, really?
I zipped up the backpack and set it on the bed, easing my cut off my shoulders. Fuck me, it never failed to amaze me just how naked I felt without it. It was a part of me, or at least it had been, but I couldn’t take it with me. A fresh start had to be from scratch this time.
“Rocket, no,”Micro groaned, nudging Grease, who rolled his eyes.
“We’re family, man. Whether we’re beefing or not, we’re family. You need us, we’re here. I’m not doing the pussy thing, but you don’t let family disappear like this.”
I smoothed my hands over the still-warm leather, while it sat face down on my bed, the large patch on the back practically glowing with its fiery colours. Fuck me, leaving it was harder than I’d expected. Even when I left the old clubhouse, I’d been coming to another Phoenix chapter, but now? I was going to be clubless. Completely fucking alone.
“No, man, no. You’re not leaving like this. I won’t fucking allow it!” Micro gritted out, stepping in front of me as I threw on my leather jacket, and moved toward the door. I cast one last regretful glance at my cut as I grabbed Nixie in her carrier, ready to leave for good.
“Sorry, Pres… or I guess, you’re not my Pres anymore, right? I have nobody. Maybe I was always supposed to be alone.” Even Grease looked shocked as I pushed my way between them both and headed for my ride. It felt weird as all hell being outside, and heading for my wheels without that cut on my back. I’d worn one for the last five years with this club. I thought it’d be draped over my coffin when I passed on.
“Oi cunt! I’ll fucking knock you out if you don’t stop!” Grease was running after me, with Micro on his heels, and the few brothers who were here, because there were never many at once, were all standing watching at this point. I even saw Henley hanging with the gate prospect, Joey. Did we prospect him inalready and I didn’t know? Henley stepped in my direction too, but Micro waved at him to stay.
“Brother, don’t do this. Whatever’s going on, we’re a family. We help each other through their shit, and you know that. You’re reacting to something right now, and I don’t know what it is, but stop and talk to us. One beer. Can you just do that? One fucking beer?”
“Where’s his cut?” I heard Stag yell from the lounge doorway, and I once again felt its absence, the lack of its weight over my shoulders. Was I really running from this?
“I need to go, Micro. I need to fucking get out of here. You care about me? Stop making a spectacle of me and let me go.”
I turned to get Joey’s attention. “Let me out, prospect.”
“Don’t fucking open that gate!” Micro countered, stepping between me and my ride.
“Rocket, come on. We’ve both been through so much shit, but we’re here now, we have a home. We have a future. We have family. You know we’ve both always fucking needed that.”
I swallowed hard, edging past him to my ride, strapping Nixie on while he watched helplessly, unwilling to risk hurting her.
“Youhave a family, Micro.Youhave a future. I’m still out of place, but I’ll keep trying ‘til I find where I’m meant to be. It’s just not here.”
Grease caught Micro’s arm as he tried to stop me again.
“Let him go, Pres. He’s just being a pussy and taking the easy way out. He’s walking out on his club, on his fucking colours.”
“Grease, for fuck’s sake.”
“Well, your way’s not working.”
I took advantage of their distraction and started my engine, the low throaty roar catching everyone’s eyes again, as I headed for the gate. Joey watched his Pres for guidance, but he must have given him the go ahead, because he reluctantly pulled the gate open, and then I was off. Leaving the second place I thoughtwould be my home. Maybe there wasn’t one for me, and that’s why I kept failing.
V
Urgent Care took toolong, but as it turns out, even if it’d been just an hour, it would have been too long. Three hours was probably a good day for them, but my not-broken hand was in a brace, and I was driving one handed to get to the clubhouse. Surely he’d just be in his room. Surely he’d be sitting there with Nixie, or maybe having a beer with Henley and the others. I’d have this chance to explain, right? I wasn’t choosing Ted, I would never choose Ted again.
I pulled up at the gate and the kid on the gate glared at me, and looked over his shoulder at someone, not pulling the gate open like I’d hoped. He must have been given the go ahead, because he finally drew it back, and I drove inside. Micro met me at my car, and his tired expression told me everything I didn’t want to know.
