“Yes, but how do you feel right now?”
“Like a boulder has been lifted from my shoulders.” I chuckled and sat up. The quiet and the tension in the room were slowly dissipating.
“And that’s why we’re here and why you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be. We can’t be afraid of our emotions. Wecan’t be afraid to ask for help.” Jeffery searched our faces. “Who said it’s not okay for men to cry? Who? Don’t we all cry when we’re babies and when we have our first fall?”
Several of us nodded.
“Hell, I counsel people for a living and didn’t feel comfortable talking to my best friends about my hurt and pain. About the challenge of raising children without the help of a consistent partner. The challenge of being men raising children when a lot of us didn’t have a father growing up. This group is a support group for us to share whatever we want. A space where our children can play while we handle grown folks’ business. We need to be here for each other and right the wrongs of our fathers before us. It takes a village isn’t just an African proverb.”
Folding my arms and reclining back in my seat, what my mother and Soraya had been telling me finally resonated.
TEN
soraya
Yells of victoryand defeat of people playing darts surrounded me as I picked at my hummus and sipped on a glass of chilled white wine. Andrea and her husband smiled and danced to the DJ our trail riding club hired to keep the Flight Club jumping. After a night of fun here with Jashaun on our first official date, I suggested that our annual party be here.
The floor of the upscale dart bar was packed with my club members and their plus ones. I bopped my head to the music alone at the bar, wondering when I would make my exit. I’d been here for a little over two hours. Enough time for most of the Brown Dolls Trail Ride Club, black women who loved trail rides and horses, to know I attended. My heart ached with regret and longing. I didn’t care about this party since Jashaun wasn’t here with me. After our argument, I’d agonized for hours had I jumped the ship too early on my own happiness. His late-night text only deflated my sails even more.
I understand, and I haven’t been fair to you. I’m not sure if we can move past this because I can’t promise I won’t let you down in the future. My daughter has to come first for now. Just know that I will always love you.
Watching Andrea and her husband dance, I thought of their relationship and marriage that had its own share of challenges, and how happy they still seemed. I downed my crisp wine. A few more minutes before I said my goodbyes.
The sinking feeling I’d gotten in my own way soured my stomach from eating any of the tasty food. I ended a relationship with a man I loved because he couldn’t be my date for a party. Yes, the event was one that I looked forward to each year and wanted Jashaun by my side. Still, was it enough to call it quits when I knew he had scars from his own childhood that blinded his ability to see that Jussica was stronger and more adaptable than he believed?
“Soraya?” Sam walked up to the bar with the widest, most pleased smile. “This is a surprise.”
“It is.” I held my glass up to him, unsure if I cared enough to be surprised by his sudden appearance.
His eyes roamed my yellow strapless sparkly cocktail dress enough to compliment me. “You’re even more beautiful.”
“Thank you. You look nice, too.” And he admittedly did. His hair and goatee had been trimmed, and his dark suit fit his tall frame well.
Sam opened his arms, and I stood to embrace him. His genuine, friendly smile reminded me of why I went out with him in the first place. I commented, “This is my club’s annual party, and I don’t think I’ve seen you at any of our rides. Must be here with a date.”
He grinned harder. “Fishing?”
“No, just know that I’ve never seen you at any of our events since it's members only and their guests.” I stepped back from his arms in case he came with a woman. I didn’t need any unnecessary drama.
“This is my first one. A couple of the guys know the president, and she invited us. I didn’t come with a date. I didn’t realize you did trail rides.”
“Love them. I’ve been riding horses since I was a little girl because my grandfather lived in East Texas. Been a part of this group for about eight years.”
His eyes roamed my body more slowly and appreciatively. “Beautiful. I know Ocean not’s going to let you out of his sight for too long tonight.” Sam looked around the booths where people were shooting darts and others were dancing in the swank entertainment space. “Where is he anyway?”
My parents had always taught me grace and to be protective of the people I loved. Although I didn’t quite know why Jashaun didn’t like Sam, all that mattered was that he didn’t. “He couldn’t make it tonight. Couldn’t find a babysitter.”
Sam’s brows dipped in the middle. “A babysitter? Ocean has a baby?”
Shit. “A seven-year-old daughter.”
He quirked a brow. “He let you come here alone looking like this when he can more than afford a nanny if he wanted one. That’s the excuse he gave you?”
“Good evening, Sam.” I crisply said, wanting to get away from him before I cursed him.
He held his hands up. “Hey, I wasn’t trying to offend you. Promise. Just didn’t know he had a child.” Sam touched my wrist slightly. “I meant it as a compliment, okay? Ocean is a lucky man.”
“You need to work on complimenting a woman without putting down the people she cares about.” I quipped, not yet ready to let him off the hook for his slick comments.
