“Thought it was better to ask for forgiveness than permission to spend time with my friends.”
I wrapped my arms around his neck. “If I’m your anchor and your woman, then you have to be open with me, even if it’s I’d rather have some alone time or hang out with friends. Didn’t you think I would understand? I want you to have a life outside of me, like I have a life outside of you. As much as I want to spend every waking moment with you, I know we need to remember that we are individuals, too.”
“I’m a work in progress who wants to fuck his woman hard, if she’s ready.” He grinned as he grabbed a condom from the shelf above my bed that I kept there for easy access once it became apparent that we loved a lot of sex. He quickly covered himself before he surged inside of me, bringing me back to the brink of sexual insanity.
“No fair,” I yelled and pulled off my helmet. “I swear you hate losing.”
Jashaun pumped his fists into the air from where he perched on his ATV. “No, you hate losing more.”
“You chose a path that had a steep hill because you know heights scare me.”
His hearty laugh evoked a reluctant smile from me. “Raya, your desire to be right or to win has no bounds. You weren’t scared of that little hill. Come on.”
I walked over to him. “Happy looks good on you. Haven’t seen this Jashaun in a long time.”
The smile erased, and he nodded. “Want to ride more?”
“Yeah…what just happened?”
He revved his motor. “Nothing. Only have this course for a few more minutes. Meet you on the other side of that hill over there if you’re not too scared.”
Before I could respond, he sped off, dirt flying. I watched him for a second before hopping back on my ATV and donning my helmet again. Maybe he would share later. And if he didn’t, I wouldn’t stress him about it. He’d been attentive to me, and though being a father weighed heavily on him, especially Jussica’s happiness, he did his best to juggle. Still, a part of me wondered if he was on his best behavior because he’d asked me to be his, out of fear of losing me, not because he truly wanted commitment. I sensed Jashaun loved me. Felt it the day when he smiled at me, trying to hide from him in my car. Or when he’s lost in thought, though he’s holding me. Or that the Alpha male I’d known of him had taken a backseat to cater to my needs. Today had been the first time I’d seen the playful, aggressive, competitive man that attracted me. The man who snatched me on the elevator to claim me as his. These last few weeks, he had been careful, almost as if he walked on eggshells, scared to break them.
“Hey, where you at?” He shouted from over the hill out of my sight. “Stop being scared.”
Woah.
Maybe Iwasthe scared one in this relationship.
Scared of loving him so deeply that I lost myself. Jashaun had that effect on me, and I’d been overthinking and trying to complicate when it had been easy for us. I respected his decision to wait to officially meet Jussica as his woman and loved that he’d been proud to introduce me to his mother, who joined us last week for lunch. If I were honest with myself, I ran from Jashaun because love circled my heart every time I saw him.Now that he caught me, love filled my heart, and I was scared out of my mind that one day he wouldn’t need me anymore.
When he discovered who he was again.
“Soraya?” He yelled again. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah.” I started my engine and raced over the hill, deciding not to be me for once, and to let whatever happened… happen.
Easier said than done.
May would make way for June soon, and though Jashaun and I grew closer, finding time to go out became harder, usually ending up with lunch or working from home together, since his mother had an assignment in Atlanta for the last two weeks.
“I don’t know, Drea. I’m trying to be patient, but this is getting hard.” I lounged by the pool with a glass of wine to relax one evening after work. The humid air lifted enough for me to enjoy sitting outside without the heat and mosquitoes. “He’s still keeping his daughter from me. It’s weird that every time I see her, she hugs me, wants to spend more time with me, and he gently blocks it. I could understand if she didn’t seem to like me, but Juss does.”
“Or maybe he’s worried she won’t, once she knows you and her daddy are together. Even young girls don’t want any woman that’s not their mother with their father. I’m grown and still don’t like the women my father dates.”
I chuckled. “That’s because your daddy still thinks he’s twenty, like the age of the women he dates.”
“Exactly. Be glad that Jashaun is into you, an age-appropriate woman. Why do I have to keep talking him up to you when you’re the one who loves him?”
Shifting on my side, cradling the phone to my ear, butterflies and sunshine filled me at the thought of being with him forever. “I do. I do. Never felt like this about any man. I see his struggles, and he’s the type of father I want for my children. Like mine was and is to me.”
“Have you talked about more children?”
I sighed, “Not really. He knows I want it all, but he still seems overwhelmed with Jussica to introduce more children.”
“Then that should be your only dealbreaker since it seems as if he’s into monogamy. If he doesn’t want any more children, then you end it. Now, on that, you have to snatch the band-aid off since you and he seem to have a future.”
“Yeah…you’re right. We do seem to move like this old couple, already anticipating each other’s needs. Love that I can talk about my day with him, and he completely gets it without having the drama of an office affair.”
