“I thought that by working and giving my ex the ability to stay home and take care of Sabrina that I was showing her my love. Instead, it left her lonely and feeling like she didn’t have other options. I’ll admit, my pride was hurt when I realized my money wasn’t enough to make her happy.” The sunlight caught the brown of his eyes making them appear almost golden. It also reflected his sadness.
“My dad thought the same thing,” Layla said. “He told my mom that she was free to spend as she pleased, but then he’d bring it up if she bought something for herself. He also would make little comments about how he was providing for the family so she shouldn’t be upset if he missed the occasional birthday party or school play. That life left her feeling lonely. I tried to be like my mom when I first got married, but then quickly realized Icouldn’t do that. I’ll admit, it’s hard to keep a balance between all responsibilities. I read in a book once that if you’re excelling in one area of your life then another area is suffering. But does it if you set realistic expectations and boundaries beforehand? That if you don’t want to lose yourself in whatever title you hold, wife, mother, father, husband, that you have to be honest about what you need and want as an individual?”
He looked at her. “I believe that we can make something work with us, but I also heard what you said. Which is why I need to make sure that I’m doing the right thing before I pursue what I want with you.”
She let out a heavy breath. She really hated to admit that she understood his reasoning even more. Still didn’t stop her from asking, “Are you telling me that you’re going to go out and date other women for my sake? Because, that doesn’t sound very good for me.”
He grunted lightly. “I hear you, but you also refused me for the very reason why I’m making this decision. Have you changed your mind?”
She had, but damn her empathetic side. Elijah didn’t have friends. He didn’t date. He hadn’t lived after his divorce. She, on the other hand, had kept a hold onto who she was during her marriage and clung desperately to that even after her divorce. She’d also believed what she’d said about worrying he was only interested in her because of proximity. Silly of her to think that Elijah in all of his rule following, theory testing personality ways, wouldn’t eventually come to the same conclusion. He needed to test the field to see if he was really ready to date her. If she really wanted to date him, then wouldn’t it help her in the long run to find out now if he was truly interested in her or if he really wanted someone or something else.
“The,I’m listening to your concernsside of you is making me want to change my mind,” she said but kept her voice light.
“Listen, I’m doing this, but I don’t believe it’s going to change my mind about a lot of things. I like you, Layla, and I still want to give us a try. I don’t even have the right to ask you to wait on me. You’re free to do whatever you want, dating wise, but if you could just keep a brotha in mind.”
“Depends on how long this experiment of yours is going to last? I don’t have years to be waiting.”
He cringed and shook his head. “I do not plan on taking years to figure anything out. Just be patient with me, please.”
When he looked at her like that, with such sincerity and still with the smoldering of heat that said he can’t wait to get this done so he can get back to the business of her, she found herself nodding. “I’ll be sure to let you know when my patience is about to run out.”
*
A month later and Elijah wondered why he’d decided to take dating advice from two random guys he’d just met. The dating apps were not working for him. If anything, the dating apps had him questioning the fate of mankind. He’d quickly matched with a few different women when he’d first signed up. The matches happened so suddenly and with women that seemed nice. He’d originally wondered if maybe he’d been foolish for ignoring dating apps for so long. That belief quickly went away after arranging the dates.
The first woman he reached out to immediately turned him down after he’d suggested they meet for coffee to get to know each other. She’d quickly informed him that he was a “sorry, broke ass, dusty mutherfucker, who didn’t know how to treat a lady.” Surprised, and a little more than pissed off by herinsults, he’d taken the quick rejection as a blessing from the heavens. How the hell was he supposed to know that coffee dates were out of style? His first date with his ex-wife had been over coffee. Taking that as a sign to avoid going out for coffee, he’d reached out to another woman he’d matched with. She’d agreed to have dinner with him when he suggested one of his favorite places. They’d met, she was attractive, worked as a paralegal during the day, and had one kid. The dinner had started off okay, but by the end of the date she was banging her fist on the table as she told him that she was Queen Cleopatra reincarnated and she was looking for soldiers to help her in her mission to go back to Egypt and reclaim her kingdom. Instead of saying she was delusional, he told her he was not the right man to help her reclaim her throne.
He’d almost considered not setting up a third date, but figured he wasn’t out unless he had three strikes. When the next woman he’d reached out to suggested they go bowling so they could participate in a fun activity to avoid any awkward conversation, he’d agreed. He wasn’t the best bowler, but he liked the suggestion of doing something on the date and agreed to meet her after work that Friday.
Zora was divorced, no kids, and as she talked briefly about her ex she didn’t appear to be bitter or angry about the break. As they ended their round of bowling, Elijah was beginning to think about what he would say if she asked about a second date. He had no reason to refuse her other than the fact that as much as he had fun with her he wondered how much more fun he’d have bowling with Layla.
“I had fun tonight,” he said as they left the bowling alley and walked back to their cars.
She grinned up at him. “Me too. Are you ready to call it a night, or are you up to hanging out some more?”
Elijah fought the urge to look at his watch. He already knew it was nearing ten. Early for a Saturday night for some, but he was eager to get back home and check on Sabrina. Sabrina was at Layla’s house that night and he couldn’t even pretend that seeing Layla wasn’t part of his eagerness.
“Another time?” he said. “I need to get back home and check on my daughter.”
She nodded. “Oh, of course. Do you tuck her in at night?”
“Most nights. She’s in bed by now, but I don’t like to be out too late. She has a tendency to wake up around midnight looking for me. I don’t want her to worry.”
“Ohh, that’s so sweet. It sounds like you’re a good dad.”
“I try to be.”
She stopped in front of a blue sedan. She pulled keys out of her purse and pressed a button. The car started. He guessed that was his cue that the date was over.
“I had fun too,” she said smiling at him. “Maybe we can do this again.” Her voice rose at the end in a hopeful tone.
Elijah had enjoyed her company. Zora had been easy to talk to, funny, and fun. She seemed like a nice woman. He wouldn’t have minded getting to know her better if he wasn’t sure that despite this dating experiment Layla was the one for him.
Her cell phone rang before he could answer. She looked at it and her smile widened. “Hold up a second.” She answered the call. “Hey, Carlos.”
Elijah frowned. Carlos? He checked himself. This was a first date. For all he knew Carlos could be her brother or cousin or something. And hadn’t he just been thinking about his feelings for Layla?
“I’m just finishing up bowling with this guy I met online.” She winked at Elijah. “Nah, we’re done for the night. What are you doing? I could use some dick.”
