“I don’t even know! He didn’t call me last night, and when I ran into him walking from the day care, he got snippy with me. Asked me if I had anything I needed to tell him. Then asked who else I was seeing, because it couldn’t be his, since I’d have told him by now.”
“Well, you kinda had that coming,” Whitley says with asoothing voice. “I know that’s hard to hear, but I’ve been telling you since you took the test to talk to him about it.”
“I was going to tell him last night!” I cry out, throwing my hands up in frustration. “But he didn’t call!”
“Why didn’t you call him?” she asks, and my mouth drops open in shock. Whitley rolls her eyes. “For fuck’s sake, El. You’re allowed to call the man.”
“I guess I felt like it was best if I let him do all the contacting. I didn’t want to force myself on him, after how I ended things years ago.”
Whitley sighs. “Or you were afraid of something like this happening, so you took yourself out of the equation.”
“How so?”
“You didn’t want to contact him, risking an argument, so you’ve waited until he’s made the first move. Honestly, you’re pretty much like that with most situations. I think I call you more than you call me.”
“That can’t be true. Can it?” I think back to the last six months. Granted, I’ve been caught up with raising two kids, so reaching out to people hasn’t been a priority. But even before that, did I sit around and wait for people to call me? Am I that bad of a friend?
“Listen, it’s not a big deal. I think some people have the personality trait where they flourish in being the one to reach out to others. You’re not that way, and that’s okay. Your strengths lie in other areas. But it does help to explain some of your behavior with Leo this year.” Whitley hands me a box of tissues, and I dab at the never-ending wetness on my face. “I love you, El. You’re my best friend. And I know life has dealt you one hell of a curveball this year. But I’m going to give you a reality check here with some harsh words. Leo has put in the effort. You haven’t. You need to think about why you’ve chosen to do this, because I really don’t believe your reasoning of keeping the ball in his court.”
I spend the entire day floating through my work responsibilities as I try to wrap my head around the things Leo and Whitleysaid. The only real conclusion I come to is that I’ve hurt Leo again, and probably so much more than the last time. But I don’t know how to make things better.
Five minutes before closing, the door slams open, and Gianna stalks in. Fury envelops her as she approaches me, and I reflexively put up my hands in a defensive gesture.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” she snaps. I open my mouth to reply, but no words come out. She’s right. She’s completely right. “God, I feel like such a fool. I’ve been pushing you two together for months! I seriously can’t believe this.”
“Believe what?” Whitley asks, coming to stand beside me. She crosses her arms over her chest, giving us the look of a unified front, but I know my best friend. If Gianna lunges toward her, Whit will fold like a towel.
“How long have you been hiding this? What’s your plan here? I just don’t understand you, Ella. Were you acting all these years, floating through life as a ghost? Did you really ever love Leo? Because I can’t believe you did, if you’d hide a pregnancy from him.” Gianna mirrors Whitley’s posture, staring defiantly at the two of us.
“Of course, I love him,” I murmur, but no one hears me when Whitley jumps to my defense.
“What the hell is your problem? You remember how she was when Leo left the last time. She barely brushed her hair for months. Have you seen her on a date? God knows that stupid website would have published that shit immediately.” Whitley pauses, then smirks at Gianna. “How’s your grandmother, by the way?”
“Why?” Gianna asks warily.
Whitley smiles maliciously. “No reason. Saw her walking out of Norma Binnington’s house last week, and not even an hour later, that new article about Ella’s niece and nephew popped up on the site. Same thing happened two weeks ago with the image of Leoleaving Ella’s apartment one morning. Pretty convenient that news seems to travel like that, isn’t it?”
“My grandmother is not publishingThe Eagle Has Landed!” Gianna shouts, her eyes wild.
“She may not publish it, but she’s certainly helping with the content,” Whitley replies.
“There’s no way! Do you know how many times that website has published awful stories about my family? Why would she partake in that? Why would —” Gianna stops, her eyes snapping back to mine. “No. You’re not getting me off topic.”
“I didn’t do anything,” I say with confusion.
“The baby is Leo’s,” Whitley snaps, drawing Gianna’s attention again. I feel a bit of hysterical laughter bubble up my esophagus. It’s like I’m not even here. “I’m her best friend, so I would know if she was dating anyone. She’s been in love with that man for as long as I’ve known her, and that’s not any different today.”
“Then why hide your pregnancy? Why do that to him? He had to hear it from Ari, El. Because she overheard the two of you” — she points back and forth between us — “talking about how the dad didn’t know about the baby yet.”
“Because I wanted to get to my first appointment before I told him,” I interject.
“Why?”
“So I could make sure I wasn’t going to lose it again,” I blurt out.
Gianna’s eyes widen. “Again? Again! Ella! When were you pregnant?”
I collapse in the chair as fresh tears erupt. I’m so damn sick of crying. “After we broke up. I didn’t know I was pregnant until I was miscarrying. I tried to call Leo, but he didn’t answer. I figured he was already deployed and on a mission, so I didn’t leave a message, and he didn’t call me back.”
