“So you worried you might miscarry this time?” Gianna asks, and I nod. “One miscarriage doesn’t mean they’ll all end that way.Just like one pregnancy doesn’t mean you’ll have no trouble getting pregnant. Fertility is a fickle bitch.”
“I know that now,” I whisper. “But I couldn’t tell Leo. He’s been through so much, and I know he’s always wanted a family. I couldn’t dangle it in front of him, and then rip it away right afterward.”
Gianna watches me thoughtfully. “What do you think he’d be doing with Oliver and Violet?”
“Oh, I mean, that’s different.”
“How?” she asks.
“They won’t be his biological children,” I answer.
“They’re not biologically your children either, but I know you treat them like they’re yours,” she points out.
“She’s got you there,” Whitley murmurs.
“I don’t know how to explain what was going on in my head,” I say exhaustedly. Slumping in the chair, I throw my arms over my face. “Leo was born to be a dad. You should see him with Oliver and Violet. He’s a natural! They gravitate toward him. Violet only smiles for him. Has he told you that? I couldn’t tell him we were having a baby unless I was absolutely sure this one was sticking. I can’t give him anymore grief.”
“I’m probably going to regret saying this, but there are no guarantees this pregnancy will stick,” Gianna says quietly. I feel her crouch next to me, patting my knee reassuringly. “But I know my brother. He’d much rather be with you, supporting you through whatever may come with this pregnancy, than on the outside looking in. He was devastated when he thought you were with someone else, Ella. I’ve seen my brother at his lowest, and this was on par with that. He just wants to be with you.”
“I told him I haven’t been with anyone but him! Why didn’t he believe me?”
“Because you weren’t upfront with the pregnancy either, so you may not have been truthful about any other partners. And, as he so eloquently pointed out, you two hadn’t set any parameters foryour relationship. So you’d be well within your right to sleep with someone else.”
My face screws up in distaste. “Gross. I could never. I haven’t even been on one date since we broke up! Why would I ever lie about something like that? He’s the only man I’ve ever touched, and the only man I’ve ever loved. I’ll never be with anyone else.”
“You’re all I’ve ever wanted, Ladybug.”
Hearing Leo’s voice, I jolt, standing suddenly, and knocking Gianna over. Whirling around, I find Leo by the door. I don’t think. I just run, launching into his arms. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. It’s your baby, I swear. I just didn’t want to tell you if I’d miscarry again. It’s only you, Leo. It’s always you.”
“I know,” he says quietly, burrowing his head against my neck. “I’m sorry too.”
I begin to cry in earnest, ignoring the soft conversation happening around me. I vaguely remember hearing Oliver and Violet’s names, but can’t register what was said. Leo starts walking, through the front door of Purrfect Books, and down the block toward my apartment. I grip him tighter, ignoring everything around me.
“I’m not going anywhere, baby,” Leo whispers, squeezing me against him.
“I’m scared,” I confess softly, and he kisses my shoulder in response. The warm late-June breeze flutters across my skin, and I’m glad I didn’t need a coat today, so I can be as close to Leo as possible.
Five minutes later, after climbing the stairs to my apartment and unlocking the door, the two of us are sitting on the couch, me still in his lap. When I attempt to move, his hands latch onto my thighs. “No. I need this connection. Please?”
Unable to verbally respond, I simply nod. He sighs loudly, then says, “Tell me about the miscarriage.”
I take a deep breath before launching into the three months between our final breakup and when I’d ended up in theemergency room. He added in the detail of Arianna also being at the hospital that day, which explained how he knew about the miscarriage. “Why didn’t you tell me you already knew?”
“I had no way of knowing if the baby was mine,” he replies. “You’d called me, but I couldn’t jump to connect the two. Since you didn’t leave a message, and I never heard anything else, I assumed you’d moved on.”
“It was only a few months after you left, though,” I press.
His eyes close in anguish. “I couldn’t think about that, Ladybug. I was struggling. I couldn’t think about how you’d possibly moved on. It honestly didn’t occur to me that it might be my baby. If I had known, I’d have been back here on the first fucking plane to make sure you were okay.”
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, so ashamed at my part in all of this. I hate knowing how much I’ve hurt him.
“You did what you thought was right at the time. But I appreciate your apology. I’m sorry that I ignored your concerns back then. I could have spent more time listening to you, and then we may have worked together to find a solution.”
I shake my head. “I’m not sure it would have been that easy. Regardless of us discussing the problem, we still lived a couple thousand miles apart. We basically had two options: either I move, or we break up.”
“Why do you think we couldn’t stay together?” Leo asks. “I’d have chosen that over breaking up.”
“Because you deserved to find someone who wanted the same things as you. I knew I wouldn’t be happy with anyone else, but I also knew I couldn’t leave Eternity Springs. So, I figured breaking up at least allowed you to move on, and find a woman who could be exactly what you needed.” I drop my gaze from his, embarrassment seeping from my pores. Saying it out loud makes me realize how unbelievably dumb I was.
