“So there could be someone else in her life?” she asks, her eyes pained.
“Ari, if you know something, you have to tell me,” I say hoarsely. I feel my heart rate jump as I consider her words. Jesus. Is Ella seeing someone else?
“I stopped in at Purrfect Books to say hello this afternoon,” she begins. “I’d heard you might be seeing her again. Gia said she thought things had gotten serious between you two, and I wanted to extend an olive branch. I know I’ve never been super close with Ella, and wanted to make an effort if she’d be in our lives again.”
“Okay?” I ask warily.
Ari blows out a breath. “She was talking to the gal who works the café. Whitley? Anyway, they were talking about a doctor’s appointment Ella had, and Whitley asked if ‘the dad’ had gone. Leo, I think she’s pregnant, and I don’t know if it’s yours.”
My quick heartbeat from a moment ago seems to stop. What the actual fuck? There’s no way. “That can’t be — no. She couldn’t be seeing someone else behind my back. We’re together all the time. Us and the kids. There’s no way.”
“I don’t know for sure. Could the baby be yours? Maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned it. Your face is getting red. Leo? Are you okay? Leo! Can you hear me?” Arianna’s voice seems to echo as Istruggle to breathe. I thought everything was going well. We were on the same page. Did I only hear what I wanted to hear again? Is she not as gone for me as I am for her?
What if she is pregnant? It might be mine. Will she even bother telling me? She never told me about the miscarriage. Was that one not mine either? I can’t be mad about that. We’d broken up. If she did move on, she was allowed to. But she told me she hadn’t been with another man since me. Was she lying?
I can’t fucking breathe.
“Stay with me Santo. Sergeant! Stay with me!”
Fuck, am I in Afghanistan? What the hell is happening right now?
I’m not good enough. I wasn’t good enough for Ella to stay with me then, I sure as fuck am not now. I should have anticipated this. A good soldier looks at all possible outcomes to a mission. Then again, a good soldier doesn’t get half of his squad killed due to impatience and timing.
Probably better if the baby isn’t mine. How can I be trusted to be a good dad? I shouldn’t be the caretaker for anyone, because I can barely handle myself.
I always wanted to have a family with Ella. It’s the only thing I always thought was out of my reach.
“I know you did.”
I’m not worth it. No one should love me.
“That’s not true, Leo. God, I shouldn’t have told you until I knew for sure.”
Should have fucking killed myself when I wanted to all those years ago.
“What?!?!”
Shouldn’t have let Gia talk me out of it. Had the pills and everything. Would have been better to just end it all. Better for everyone.
“G, you need to get over here. Leo’s spiraling, and he’s talking about suicide. I don’t know what to do.”
No one would miss me.
“We wouldallmiss you, dammit. Yes, get everyone over here. This is major.”
Curling up in a ball on the floor, unaware I’d collapsed right after Arianna said she thought Ella was pregnant, I begin to sob.
“Jesus, Arianna, you should have told us first before you told him.”
“There has to be an explanation. I can’t believe Ella would do this.” Am I dreaming? That sounded like Dom.
“Who knew she was pregnant before? Did anyone get confirmation?” Luca asks.
“Should we call the therapist he sees?” Shit, Alex is in this dream too?
“Seb already did. He’s on his way.” Isabella’s voice is quiet.
“What about Mom and Dad? Or Nonna?” Why does Arianna sound like she’s close to tears?
