“No, because he had no control over that, if that were the case.”
“Yet you blame yourself for what was most likely nothing you could control.”
“It’s different,” I say defensively, even though I have no concrete evidence to back that up. “It’s in my body. If something fails, it’s on me.”
Whitley covers my hands with hers. “No, Ella. It isn’t. I know you. I know your heart. You’re one of the kindest and most selfless people in this town. A miscarriage isn’t something you blame on someone. Now, if you were abusing alcohol or doing drugs, that would be the exception. But you’re not that. Yeah, those weeks after Leo left were brutal. I had to remind you to eat a lot. But you still drank a lot of water. You made sure to eat fruit, and you certainly slept a lot. What happened wasn’t your fault. I might not be a scientist, and the closest I can get to a medical degree is what I’ve learned onThe PittandGrey’s Anatomy, but I know with absolute certainty that it wasn’t your fault.”
“I don’t agree,” I rasp painfully, tears pouring down my cheeks.
“I can’t make you see it from my perspective,” Whitley says with a sigh. “But I think it would benefit you to get in with an OB sooner rather than later, and ask them some of these questions. If they don’t give you some peace of mind, then we’ll find you a psychologist. You’ve got a hell of a lot of PTSD from that period in your life. No matter what happens with Leo, or with this baby, you’ve got a niece and nephew depending on you. It’s time you get some closure on what happened back then.”
LEO
L + E = ?
Now a routine fixture at Purrfect Books, Leo Santo is clearly all in when it comes to courting Ella Langley again. Is it their sixth relationship or seventh? Honestly, we aren’t sure. Sources tell us they’ve been hot and heavy, with Mr. Santo spending many nights at Ms. Langley’s apartment.
A follow-up to a recent story: Marybeth Nix’s rug has been recovered, but her flower pot is now missing. It’s unknown at this time if Mason is the culprit.
Something is definitely up with Ella.
Whatever it is, she won’t talk to me about it. And when I attempt to get her to open up, she manages to redirect the conversation, or we end up having sex, and I forget all about what’s bugging her.
While I’m thrilled with all the sex, as well as the fact that my one-minute-man record has now expanded to two-minutes-man, I’m aggravated she won’t open up to me. Ella used to tell me everything. I was the person she confided in, and vice versa. I could talk to Alex about military things, and my parents about certain topics, but Ella was who I went to for everything else. My hopes anddreams. Silly stories about my fellow soldiers, and what I feared about deployments. We used to daydream about our future together, down to how we’d pick a house, what we’d like to have in our backyard, and where we’d want to get married.
While I feel like we’re in a relationship now, we’ve never discussed things, and I don’t feel any closer to her. Is she closed off because she thinks I’ll leave again? Fearful I won’t want to raise Oliver and Violet with her? Worried I still have animosity about her ending our relationship all those years ago? I wish she’d talk to me so I could reassure her about everything. I’m in this for the long haul. However she’ll have me.
After a long day working at Everlasting, I assume it’s Ella calling when my phone rings right when I get into my car, and I’m surprised when I see it’s my youngest sister, Arianna, calling.
“Leo, are you home yet?” she asks urgently.
“No, just left Everlasting. Why?”
“I need to talk to you about something. Can I meet you at your house?”
“Sure. Is everything okay?”
“I’m fine.”
“Do I need to hide a body?” I joke, then sober when Arianna doesn’t laugh. “Ari. You’re kind of freaking me out.”
“We’re all fine, Leo. I promise. I just need to talk to you about something else.”
My mind is flipping through a million different scenarios as I drive home, letting out a relieved exhale when I find Arianna already there when I arrive. Jumping out of the car, I’m quickly in front of her. “What’s going on?”
Her expression is tense as she studies me. Hair up in a messy bun, she looks somewhat disheveled. Arianna Santo Dixon is never disheveled, yet she stands before me wearing a worn tee shirt of Stone’s, oversized sweatpants, and Crocs. “Are the kids okay? I’ve never seen you like this.”
“Kids are fine. I swear. And I have four kids, Leo. I dress likethis when I’m dealing with them, because they’re all a bunch of feral animals,” she snaps as we walk inside my house.
“Alright. Tell me what you need to talk about. Please.”
Her eyes flick between mine. “Are you and Ella back together? For real?”
A brick seems to land in my stomach. “For the most part, yes. Why?”
“What does that mean? Either you’re together, or you’re not,” she says impatiently.
“We haven’t discussed specifics, but we’re seeing each other. I don’t think there’s anyone else for her, and there definitely isn’t for me. But I haven’t asked,” I confess.
