“But what about all the other deployments? El, he was gone half the time. I know you could have talked to me about it.”
“I didn’t know how,” I confess, my eyes welling with tears. “I couldn’t comprehend my own emotions a good majority of the time, so I didn’t know how to express them to you. Plus, I figured you’d tell Leo anyway, and I didn’t want him to worry. He also kept telling me he’d get out of the Army after that deployment, so I thought the end was coming. I wouldn’t have to admit I wasstruggling, because he’d come home. And then he’d reenlist again.”
“He told you he was going to get out?” Gia asks, her voice low. I should note the danger in her tone, but I’m too caught up in a memory. The final time, when I truly knew it was up, was when he’d taken me to dinner. We were in the center of the restaurant, a swanky place in Denver, and I’d hoped he was about to tell me he was moving home. How maybe the gossip website was wrong, and he’d propose on the spot. Instead, he announced he’d reenlisted for four more years. I’ll never forget that feeling, knowing he’d told me in public so I couldn’t react how I wanted.
“I knew I’d never be first in his life. And that’s fine. Really, it is. I’m glad I found out when I did. Leo never made me feel like his job was better than mine, or it was more important than me, but what was I supposed to think? I certainly can’t tell him not to go liberate a town that had been taken over by the Taliban, now could I? But I had to think about things. Because if we’d gotten married, and had kids, where would they fall on his priority list? How do you explain to a child that their father loves their job more than them?” I shake my head bitterly. “I just couldn’t do it anymore. I wanted a partner, not a guy who swings into town a couple of times a year. What we had wasn’t sustainable, no matter how much I’d hoped it would be.”
“Should have made sure there was an icicle in that snowball,” Gianna mutters. “Maybe it would knock some sense into the jackass.”
“What?”
“Nothing. Oh, well, what do you know! Speak of the devil!” she grins wickedly as she waves to someone behind me. I turn to find Leo staring at us, the color draining from his face. My heart squeezes just seeing him. In a worn pair of jeans, a henley, and a red checkered flannel, he is the epitome of sex appeal. I know what he has under all of that, and I can only assume it’s gotten better with age.
“Leo!” Oliver shouts, running to him, his arms outstretched. Leo quickly catches my nephew, hugging him tightly. “I missed you.”
“I missed you too, buddy,” Leo answers, his eyes on mine. The scene is too poetic, too poignant, and I turn away. What I wouldn’t give to see Leo hug our child. The child I lost.
Leo looks over to where Carson is completely focused on theBlueyepisode. and chuckles. “Good to know where I stand in Carson’s heart.”
“He never gets screen time, so he will pick it over anyone,” Gianna answers, then turns to me as she lowers her voice. “You okay?”
“No,” I answer truthfully, sliding out of the booth. “Can you watch the kids? I need to hit the restroom.”
After Gianna nods, I keep my gaze averted as I rush past Leo, speed-walking around the restaurant to the other side. For once, I’m relieved at the setup of this place, because it puts me as far away from Leo as physically possible. I head into a stall, thankful this restaurant has actual toilets with lids, and I close it quietly. Sinking down to sit on the lid, I let out a pained breath.
Maybe I should move. I won’t sell Purrfect Books. But moving out of Eternity Springs would at least give me a little more distance from Leo. The Santo family is basically royalty here, and right now, he’s everywhere. So many years have gone by, and I’m still not over him. How can I move past the love of my life when I’m forced to be near him?
I sniff, feeling the telltale sign of a sob moving up my throat, and I struggle to hold it in. I don’t know how thick these walls are, or when some other patron might come into the bathroom. If I’m caught crying while Leo is in the restaurant, it’ll be onThe Eagle Has Landedbefore bedtime. Hell, maybe within the hour. It’ll be some ostentatious headline like “War Hero Refuses Rekindling with Disgraced Bookstore Owner” or “Leo and Ella, Part Six?” I really don’t want to be on the front page of the website. Again.
When I hear the door open and close, but no detectable footsteps, I know he’s followed me in here. The door locking reverberates across the tile floor.
“Ella.”
I sharply inhale, his gravelly voice dragging across every inch of my skin. God, I hate how I respond to him. “What?”
“Come out here.”
“No.” The word comes out with a stubborn snap, making Leo chuckle.
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because I need to see your face.”
“No, you don’t. I’m fine.”
“Funny, that’s what you said the last time, and you most certainly were not fine.”
“Well, I lied that time.”
“And you’re lying now.”
“No, I’m not.” I pause, waiting for his rebuttal, but nothing comes. “Alright. I’m lying a little.”
His loud laughter makes me jump. “Get out here, Ladybug.”
Grumbling about how he’s being an alpha male asshole and demanding shit, I slowly stand. Opening the door, I find Leo leaning back against the counter, arms crossed across his chest, and unlaced boots crossed against the floor. He’s smirking, but it’s not one of victory or control. It’s one of peace and acceptance.
