I sigh, pulling my wallet out of my pocket to retrieve the business card I’d stuffed in there when I left the RMRRMC meeting at Sebastian’s. I’d thought about throwing it away, but couldn’t bring myself to do it. Maybe I subconsciously recognized that I’d be calling the guy sooner rather than later.
Dialing the number, I practice what I’ll say when his voicemail picks up. Hi, this is Leo Santo, I’m the weirdo you met at Sebastian Garcia’s house the other day. The one you pegged as being full of trauma? Yeah, now my sister tells me I need therapy. So I guess we should meet.
Or maybe I’ll say something even odder. Hi, I’m the dude that got triggered over nothing at RMRRMC. You think you can fix my broken noggin?
So when the guy answers the phone, saying, “This is Josh McKinnon,” I overreact and blurt out the first thing that comes to mind.
“I need help with my brain.”
Thankfully, Josh doesn’t even make the slightest chuckle sound. “Alright. And who am I speaking with?”
“Leo Santo.”
“Leo. From Sebastian’s. I’m glad you called. I’ve actually been thinking about you.”
“I bet you say that to all the broken veterans who call you.”
“No one is broken, Leo. A little banged up, yes. But nothing that we can’t work through. Have you ever heard of Kintsugi?”
“Sounds vaguely familiar,” I answer.
“It’s the Japanese art of taking something broken, and filling it with gold. It’s used mostly on pottery. You can’t bring the pottery back exactly as it was; instead, it’s changed for the better. It’s all about finding beauty in the flaws.”
“I don’t think any of my flaws are beautiful,” I confess quietly. I feel Gianna’s hand slide into mine, squeezing it gently. She lays her head on my arm, giving me her quiet strength, and I feel a wave of peace come over me.
“I think you’re more resilient than you believe, Leo. Your story doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means you have an opportunity for renewal.”
“How can you sound so sure?” I ask. “You don’t even know me.”
“I know enough,” Josh says easily. “I know what deploymentsare like, and I know the kind of man you are based on what Sebastian and Travis told me. And, to be honest, I researched the event that took out half your team. I know that had to be incredibly traumatizing. I saw that you lost five soldiers.”
“Six,” I whisper. “One died a few months afterward, due to injuries sustained from the IED.” Six out of eleven on our squad. Half gone in a blink of an eye.
“I’d like to meet with you in person as we develop a rapport. Once we’re more established in our therapist and patient relationship, we can move to telehealth appointments if you’d prefer that way.”
“I’m fine with either way, as long as it isn’t a group session.” The thought of being forced to explain my feelings in front of a bunch of people I don’t know makes my skin crawl.
“I don’t do any group sessions, because I don’t like them that much either,” Josh says with a chuckle. “I prefer to have one-on-one appointments. I want to know the real you, not a mask you wear around others. And I know it’s more comfortable to speak freely when no one else is around.”
“Alright. So, when can we meet?” I ask.
“Let’s talk availability.”
Gia squeezes my hand, and I look down to find her beaming at me. She mouths, “I’m proud of you.”
I’m kinda proud of myself too.
ELLA
It’s been a few weeks since I’ve seen Leo, but it’s as if he’s watching me somehow. I feel him everywhere. Every memory we made seems to bubble up now. Thoughts I’d buried years ago. I’m frustrated, angry, and more confused than ever.
Gianna asked if I’d have dinner with her and her son tonight, and I almost canceled. The thought of facing Leo’s twin is a little overwhelming. Our friendship has been strained since I broke things off with Leo, and I don’t know how to talk to her now. Plus, while she and Leo are fraternal twins, their similarities are obvious. Same eyes, smile, and cock of the head. A ton of the same expressions. They both have the Santo drive that all the kids got, but Gia’s a little more type-A than Leo.
Carson, Gianna and Travis’s son, is only a year or two older than Oliver, and they’ve yet to meet. Ember didn’t exactly run in the same circles as Gianna, and certainly would never step foot in Everlasting Inn and Spa, as she considered it enemy territory after my last breakup with Leo. Actually, she despised the place. While she liked Leo, she thought the rest of the family was stuck up. I never had that impression. I guessed she probably had the hots for one of Leo’s older brothers, and when they weren’t interested, she decided to hate them. It’s an odd kind of girl math: I like you, but you don’t like me, so I hate your family.
We’re meeting at a small restaurant on the outskirts of EternitySprings because we know it will be quieter than the places in the center of town, and I’m thankful for that. Oliver has been off all day. Lots of meltdowns, and a refusal to have quiet time in his room. Occasionally I can convince him to nap, but those days are becoming fewer and fewer, so I transitioned to quiet time instead. It gives me a little time to breathe. On weekdays, when Oliver is out of school, he hangs with my nanny, Lauren. Since today is Saturday, he’s grumpily trudging along beside me.
Entering the restaurant, I find Gianna and Carson already at a large booth. She waves energetically when she spots us, and I amble over with Violet’s car seat on my arm, dragging Oliver behind me. He didn’t want to come tonight. I’m hoping his sour mood improves once he sees Carson.
